I had a terrible day at work today. A miserable, terrible, epically awful day. I’m totally stressed out about it, and it wasn’t even that bad!
I got yelled at by my boss for something stupid. I didn’t really do anything wrong, but he was mad that things weren’t the way he needed them to be, so he took it out on me. Has anyone else experienced something like this? Its pretty awful getting yelled at for anything, and when your livelihood depends upon it, it’s even worse. I wouldn’t get fired over a stupid thing, but for some reason the stress trigger in my body doesn’t know that. It’s a bit dysfunctional.
Logically, I know that what happened today wasn’t a huge deal. I know that the absolute worst thing that can possible happen is a write up, and the chances of that happening are super slim. So why am I so anxious? Why am I so upset that I made a tiny mistake in my boss’s eyes?
Stressed out – signs of stress
Seriously, I had a hard time functioning all day after I got yelled at (and it wasn’t even an ass chewing, I could just tell he was mad and disappointed…like I said, it wasn’t even that bad). My stomach hurt, my nerves were on fire, I was super jumpy, scared that someone would come in and mention my epic failure. It was awful. And I’m sure I’ll feel the same way tomorrow, and the rest of the week as well. Trust me, being stressed out is not fun!
Why am I so super anxious about a minor problem at work?
Because I need this job. I do. I’m not at the point yet where I can say “fuck you!”. Seriously, some “fuck you” money would be super awesome right about now. But I don’t have it so I still need this job. I need it for a minimum of three more years to solidify my pension. I need this job for these next three years to ensure that I’m able to live the FIRE lifestyle I want for the rest of my life afterwards. Also, I need this job to pay my current bills!!
I know that one minor issue isn’t going to cost me my job. I know that, and you know that. But being stressed out all day really solidified my desire for financial freedom. This isn’t healthy. Its not healthy to be so worried about a little thing that you did wrong at work that you can’t enjoy the rest of your day. It’s not healthy to have to take abuse from bosses because you need the paycheck (Not that my boss is abusive…he’s usually really awesome, but he was super stressed out today too!).
When I’m Financially Free, I won’t have to worry about any of this anymore. I can be my own boss, or I can walk out of work if my boss gives me a hard time about anything. I won’t have to be stressed out anymore. Not Needing a job will give me power that I don’t currently have. And that’s one of the reasons I’m walking this FIRE path.