Trusting the wrong person can destroy your life. Far too many people gave their time and money to a relationship, only to watch it whither and burn when the other party decided they no longer wanted it.
It’s far worse when you invest your time, money, and resources into their home with no ownership stake, as one soon-to-be homeless woman discovered.
Vowing Never To Rely On Men
The Original Poster (OP) said when she was young, she vowed never to let a man dictate her life after watching far too many women she knew become destitute after a failed relationship.
Despite her best efforts, she found herself in the same situation because she trusted the wrong person.
She was with her partner for seven years. They lived together for five. During that time, he decided to buy a house.
Though it was solely in his name, he stressed that it was her home, too.
She believed him.
Investing in the House
OP made the house her home.
“I invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in renovations for it,” she shared, adding, “I keep it clean, and tend the garden, and build my life around that home.”
It Falls Apart
Things were going well until they weren’t. They began arguing more, primarily because he wouldn’t help with chores, kept making promises he wouldn’t keep, and became unsatisfied with their lack of intimacy.
They Need Space
He decided they needed space for the relationship to work, so he asked OP to move out for six months. She agreed to give them a chance to make the relationship work.
However, she only agreed to six months with the full expectation that afterward, she’d move back. She left all her belongings in the home and rented a small place.
He Doesn’t Want Her To Move Back
As the six months ended, he decided he no longer wants to share his home with OP. He does, however, want to keep stringing her along in a relationship.
She Has Nowhere To Go
Of course, he waited until OP had made arrangements to end her six-month lease before telling her she couldn’t move back. The landlord already has a new tenant lined up, so she can’t stay.
She has nowhere to live, and all her stuff is still at his house. She’s facing homelessness.
Buying Her Own Place
OP’s furious at her ex but also mad at herself. She could have bought her own small place with all the money she dumped into fixing his home.
She didn’t because she thought they were a team, and she thought she was investing in their joint future together.
OP’s story serves as a warning for anyone looking at a relationship with rose-colored glasses. Far too many women give up on their hopes, dreams, career prospects, and opportunities for a man who unceremoniously dumps her for a newer model.
He’s always looking out for number one, so you should, too.
Historically, marriage was the best way for women to protect themselves from these situations. Marriage serves as a legal contract that prevents men from doing what OP’s partner did.
If they were married, OP would easily be entitled to half. Because they weren’t, she will have a much harder time proving she’s owed anything in court.
Nowadays, many people protect their premarital assets via a prenuptial agreement. Far too many men attempt to strongarm women into signing a prenup that doesn’t serve their interests.
We completely understand protecting pre-existing assets and think both parties should do so. However, women must account for the possibility that they will give up their careers or earning potential to help their husbands build theirs or to care for children. The prenup should also protect her contributions to the relationship, even if they aren’t financial.
Don’t Invest Unless It’s Yours
OP poured thousands of dollars into a house she didn’t own. In hindsight, she realizes how horrible that decision was.
If you choose to move in with a partner, agree to a fair financial split that allows you to continue building assets. Don’t put all your money into something they own. Home maintenance, renovations, and repairs should all be paid by the homeowner, not the other party. The most you should pay is 50% of the mortgage for rent, but that might be unfair as well, depending on your financial situation.
A more equitable means of splitting the rent is to pay an amount proportional to your income so you don’t stretch yourself thin to pay a mortgage you never signed up for. A partner who truly loves you will have your best financial interests at heart, too.
We Wish OP the Best
Our heart goes out to OP and the millions of other women in similar situations. We hope she finds housing, gets her stuff back from OP, and finds a way to get some of her investment back.
We also hope her story serves as a warning for millions of other young girls. Take off the rose-colored glasses and protect yourself first. We guarantee he’s doing the same.
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