As I mentioned all over Twitter and in my third month update, J and I are no longer together. We broke up for good in January, and he finally moved out towards the end of February.
Breaking up was hard for both of us, but it was a long time in the making. I couldn’t forgive him for all of the things he did to me while he was drunk or having an episode. There were a lot of things that I wanted from a relationship that he just wasn’t able to give me. I stopped caring, and I stopped trying, even when I promised him I would try.
There wasn’t really a final straw. I just got to the point where I was over it. I told him I wanted to start fresh, but he kept pressuring me into acting like we were in a good six-year relationship. He didn’t understand the concept of starting over. I’m glad he didn’t though, because with him being gone, I feel freer than I have in a long time. I’m actually happy. I feel comfortable being at home. I’m excited for the future. These are feelings that were missing when I was in the relationship.
Partners in Fire
Lots of Partners in Fire articles mention our relationship, and usually in a positive light. (seriously, read the article about our New Year’s Goals!) I’m not going to edit those. But I will say that much of that was written to keep the peace in the household rather than because it was true. J wanted to be a part of Partners in Fire, even though he had absolutely nothing to do with the household finances. He would get upset if I wrote in the first person. He insisted that we were a team, even though I felt alone the majority of the time. So I acquiesced, and made the website more about us than about me.
Moving forward, I’m going to be doing the writing for Partners in Fire. At first, J said he still believes in the website and the idea, and he wanted to be involved in the future. He wanted the website to track both of us and follow our individual paths to fire. He thought it would be cool; because our routes are totally different. I agree that would be pretty cool, but I didn’t know if I want to work with him in that capacity, especially in the beginning. But we recently got into an argument over Instagram, and he decided that he didn’t want anything to do with me or the website again. Maybe time will heal some of these wounds, and maybe they won’t.
J also insisted on keeping the Instagram account. He started it, he built it, and he got it to where it is, so that is only fair. It’s the one thing he actually worked hard on for this blog. He also said he wants to do it because he feels like he owes me for all of the bullshit that he put me through over the years (and money he cost me).
Unfortunately, he tried to use it as a way to keep in contact with me and keep my attention on him even though I’ve asked him to leave me alone and give me space on numerous occasions. Because of this, I took the Instagram account back (this is what we got into the argument about…he was not happy!) I will continue running all of the other social media accounts as well.
The Real Mission
Partners in Fire is moving forward from breaking up, but the mission remains the same. Partners in Fire is about all of us partnering together to achieve our dreams, whether that be early retirement, financial independence, or some other financial win. We are all in this together, and my goal with this blog has always been to help others see that they can achieve their goals and live life on their own terms. Let’s do it together!
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.