People often turn to Reddit for relationship advice. The platform offers an unbiased view of the situation from people on the outside, which is often just what’s needed for folks deep inside the emotional whirl of a relationship.
One man came to the popular R/relationships subreddit seeking help with his girlfriend. The Original Poster (OP) expressed hurt and anger at his girlfriend’s refusal to do more around the house unless he contributed more financially and sought help from strangers regarding how to approach the challenging topic.
OP’s Financial Situation
OP explained that upon graduation from college, he quit his $24-per-hour job as a line cook to pursue work in his chosen industry for much less pay. He said it was only supposed to be temporary, to get his foot into the door, but he enjoys the work and his colleagues, so he’s stayed longer and hasn’t been actively searching for a new job.
His girlfriend is still in college but works four days per week as a server and was recently diagnosed with a severe autoimmune disorder.
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OP Complains Girlfriend Doesn’t Do Enough
OP’s initial complaint was that his girlfriend doesn’t do enough around the house anymore.
“Sometimes I come home, and the dishes still aren’t done, or she “forgets” to do the laundry. Or the bed isn’t made,” OP complains. “Furthermore, she has been just meal prepping me casseroles to eat through the week instead of her usual meals, which were more “home cooking,” I guess you could say,” he added.
OP graciously assumes she stopped doing so much around the house due to her medical conditions but was shocked to find out the truth.
Girlfriend Won’t Do More Unless He Does
As it turns out, the girlfriend was tired of doing most of the housework while contributing more financially.
OP insisted they split finances 50/50 and that the chore split was “fair based on their schedules,” but his description of who pays for what and who does what tells a far different story.
The girlfriend pays $700 monthly for their groceries, and he pays nothing. On top of that, she’s paying for her medical expenses, and he can put twice as much money in savings each month (for them, he claims).
The chore split is just as outrageous. In the now-deleted comments, OP admitted that all he does is make the bed, take the trash out, and clean the litter boxes, while his girlfriend is expected to cook every night, do the dishes, do laundry, and do general housekeeping.
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When OP attempted to talk to his girlfriend about her contributions, the conversation didn’t go as he expected.
She said she’d pick up the slack around the house if he got a better job and paid for more of their expenses. She said, “If she’s going to be bearing the majority share of the finances, then we can split the household responsibility the same way,” recited OP.
He was “flabbergasted,” and accused his girlfriend of having a “transactional and shallow view of our relationship.” Even when breaking down the costs, he couldn’t see that she pays more and contributes more around the house.
OP refused to see where he was wrong, saying without reflection, “ I miss my old girlfriend who did so much for me,” and that his girlfriend’s new position gives him “gold digger vibes.”
OP’s The Problem
Redditors eviscerated OP in the comments, pointing out that he’s the problem and seems to be doing exactly what he’s accusing her of doing.
One honed in on the “I miss my old girlfriend who did so much for me” comment. “How can someone seriously say this sh*t and not burst into flames out of sheer shame is a mystery to me,” they said, adding, “It must be nice to be so unburdened with any sort of ability to self-reflect.”
Another said his gold-digger comments seem more like projection than reality.
“I also think it’s weird that you’re making less but saving more which indicates to me that the expenses aren’t being split fairly,” responded one user. “You’re calling her a gold digger, but you’re the one who seems to be taking advantage of her.”
“You are the one who seems like the gold digger because you want to keep a crap job so you can hang out with your buddies and have a girlfriend to keep you afloat because right now, without her, you would be in trouble,” replied another.
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OP Wants a Maid
Numerous Redditors pointed out OP’s horrible attitude toward his girlfriend. Some wondered if he even liked her at all, outside of what she did for him, while others said he was looking for a mommy or a maid and not an equal partner.
“You miss having a maid, not a girlfriend,” stated one.
“If the house isn’t as tidy you want it to be, then clean it. If she’s not making meals you like, then cook your own food and buy your own groceries,” replied another, adding, “From your own words and comments, all you’re doing is making her life harder.”
What Do You Think?
Many Redditors in the thread hoped the girlfriend would come to her senses and dump OP. Do you agree that he’s not a good partner, or do you think Reddit was too harsh and OP had a good point?
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.