She Refuses To Foot the Bills After He Donates a Massive Inheritance. Who’s Right?

Financial differences can wreck a relationship. Spenders and savers have a long history of struggling after saying, “I do.”

However, the issues are typically apparent long before the wedding vows. One woman came to Reddit asking for advice after her long-term boyfriend (not yet married) decided to donate a large inheritance rather than help with the bills. 

Financial Contribuitions

The Original Poster (OP) began by explaining the financial contributions of pre-inheritance.  

We’ve been together for 3 years, and for 2 of that, I’ve paid the majority of the expenses. I make ~90k a year, and he makes 35k. He also has cc debt from not making enough to survive on and medical debt. I pay $2000 of our $2600 rent, most of the food cost, so he can pay off debt,” she explained. 

OP admitted that she thought he could make more if he tried but said she offers grace and understanding because of a troubled upbringing ripe with abuse. 

The Inheritance

OP explained that her partner’s brother, the man responsible for most of his childhood abuse, passed away in an accident, leaving a hefty insurance payout for his next of kin. 

The partner received a massive sum of $130,000. 

What To Do With the Money?

OP was stoked. They could use the money to buy an apartment, pay off debt, or set themselves up for the future. 

Unfortunately, her partner had other plans. 

“He wants to donate it,” she said, later adding, “he’s mad that I want to make use of his brother’s blood money and accuses me of only seeing money when it’s about doing the right thing.”

Ultimately, the partner donated the entire sum to The American Cancer Society, despite OP’s protests. 

OP Stops Paying His Share of Bills

OP was livid and decided that if he could afford to donate $130,000, he could afford to pay his own food and rent. 

“I was so angry that I’m left paying for everything so he can feel noble. I’ve told him he needs to start paying half the rent and food, and I’m no longer subsidizing him.”

Of course, this didn’t go over very well with the partner. 

“We have had many fights about this because I only buy enough food for myself, and he gets home with nothing to eat and accuses me of being selfish. He says because I make more, I should be paying what I do.”

Was OP in the Wrong?

OP said all her family and friends took her side, saying her partner’s a bum who’s using her, but his insistence that she’s selfish makes her second guess herself. 

She took to Reddit, where people can explain their stories and learn from a non-biased third party if they’re being jerks. 

OP is 100% Justified

Most of Reddit agreed with OP. 

“He is taking advantage of you, and you are letting him. Why should he bother getting a better job when you pay for his lifestyle? He is not going to change. Which means that your situation won’t change unless you make it happen,” said one. 

“He just proved to you he doesn’t care how hard you work. Your money is his money, and his money is his money. You’ve been taking care of him like he’s your child for years, and this was the first chance he had to make it up to you, and he shows you what he values, and it isn’t you. Believe him,” responded another. 

She Should Dump Him

Many said this should be the last straw. His actions show he doesn’t care about OP, and feeling good about himself is more important than being an equal partner. 

“Do you want outside permission to dump him? Boom, done and granted. Break up with him,” said the top-rated comment. 

OP responded, saying, “All my friends say to do it, but when I think about that, I want him to use the money from his abusive brother’s death it sounds bad.” However, the Reddit post and reactions have been helping her understand the whole story. “But then I think about all the money I’ve spent because he doesn’t make an effort, and when the money falls into his lap, he still doesn’t make an effort, it’s hard to justify his actions,” she said. 

“Take all the fat off of this post. He is not your equal and does not care about the situation he put you in. He can’t use reason, logic, or critical inquiry. He will continue to drag you down,” responded one. Leave him, like yesterday,” they insisted.  

Balancing the Moral Dilemma with Responsibility

Some users were empathetic to the partner’s moral dilemma but understood that he needed to face reality. 

“I can understand not wanting to keep insurance money like that. It’s your decision to make. I think morally, you have to find an alternative that helps you meet your responsibilities if you’re not going to keep it, though. Find a better job, work more hours. Find a way to accept using some of the money for the needs of your partner who has been sacrificing for you. Not this,” said one. 

“While it’s hard to criticize someone for donating to a worthy charity, it’s very easy to criticize someone for refusing to pay their debts when they did have the money and to expect someone else to pay for their essentials,” added another. 

What Do You Think?

Is OP correct to be mad about the donation, or does her partner have a point that they shouldn’t keep what he considers “blood money?” 

What would you do if you were in OP’s shoes?

Source: Reddit

Author: Melanie Allen

Title: Journalist

Expertise: Pursuing Your Passions, Travel, Wellness, Hobbies, Finance, Gaming, Happiness

Melanie Allen is an American journalist and happiness expert. She has bylines on MSN, the AP News Wire, Wealth of Geeks, Media Decision, and numerous media outlets across the nation and is a certified happiness life coach. She covers a wide range of topics centered around self-actualization and the quest for a fulfilling life.