The dating game can be challenging to navigate. Men and women enjoy different things, leading to a disconnect when trying to impress the opposite gender.
While scrolling through the always-inspiring R/AskReddit community on Reddit, I found a thread asking women to share the things that men do that turn them off.
Although both genders make assumptions about what the other is looking for, this post focuses on things men do, thinking they impress a woman, which typically has the opposite effect.
Talking About Themselves
A date should be a two-way conversation. When one participant spends the majority of time talking about themselves rather than engaging in discussion, it’s a turn-off.
One user shared a test their friend implemented to determine whether a suitor would get a second date. All he had to do was ask one question, just one, about herself. Even easy questions, like “how are you?” or “Do you like your food?” would count.
They stated that about 75% of her dates failed this simple test.
Gentlemen: take note. The date isn’t all about you.
Insisting They’re a “Good Guy”
If you have to insist you’re a decent human, people will begin to question why. Many female Redditors learned that men who tell them repeatedly how much of a “good guy” they are typically aren’t good guys.
“This is exactly like a guy I dated,” shared one user. “Proclaimed he was a feminist, talked about it every chance he got, even had the feminist logo tattooed on his arm. Was the biggest liar, cheater, and abuser I ever had the displeasure of getting to know.”
Others said that actions speak much larger than words. Guys who showcase their decency through actions don’t need to brag about it.
Some manosphere communities insist that “holding frame” (i.e., not caring about her feelings and a generally rude attitude) is critical to attracting attention from women.
Most women don’t want to date rude men.
“Especially when they genuinely think they are so much better than everyone around them, actively go out of their way to remind everyone else how pitiful and useless they are ALL THE TIME, and refuse to accept any viewpoint or opinion that isn’t their own,” added another user, highlighting some of the rude behavior she’s encountered from men over time.
A String of “Crazy Exes”
Men who dismiss all their exes as “crazy” are walking red flags. At best, it shows they have poor taste in women, but at worst, it leads us to conclude that he’s the problem.
“In my younger years, I was way too naive and got into an abusive relationship where his exes were all supposedly crazy and took advantage of him,” shared one user. She added that he was the problem, exhibiting all the behaviors and qualities he accused his exes of.
Some men may have genuinely bad experiences with women. However, if that’s the case, keep the drama to yourself. Potential partners don’t want to hear you speak poorly about all the women you’ve dated and may see it as a red flag.
A man who ignores his current children probably won’t make a good father and has some women questioning whether he’d be a good partner. Many women said they wouldn’t date a man who doesn’t take care of his kids.
Others pointed out that their stance on child support is also telling. “I also get really turned off if they complain about paying child support or act like child support just goes to fund their ex’s lavish lifestyle,” shared one Redditor, adding, “That is rarely the case.”
Dating with children from previous relationships is a tricky subject. Some users pointed out the weird jealousies that can arise and how some women seem to see their potential stepchildren as competition.
While that might be true, that’s a red flag fathers need to look out for when dating.
Don’t Miss: To Have or Not Have Children
Some men seem to think hygiene doesn’t apply to them. They don’t shower regularly, don’t wash their nether regions when they do shower, wear ratty clothes, and don’t understand why women don’t want to date them.
“I could be really attracted to a guy, but the moment I notice his hygiene is crap, I will lose interest in a nano second,” exclaimed one user, highlighting the importance of taking care of yourself.
It’s not hard to wash your hands, fix your hair, put on decent clothes, and make yourself presentable. If you expect a woman to be neat and clean on a date, you should be too.
Putting Down Other Women
Men who talk poorly of other women in weak efforts to impress aren’t doing themselves any favors. The behavior reeks of misogyny, and most women can see right through it.
“It’s like a gendered version of “But you’re one of the good ones, so we don’t mean you,” shared one user.
Some users pointed out that some women like that behavior but are likely not the women you want to date.
Read Next: Why Women Need to Subvert the Life Script
Men don’t always understand that knowing your audience is vital to a great joke. Telling dirty or overtly sexual jokes to women you don’t know well is a horrible idea, but all too many men do it anyway, thinking they’re hilarious.
Women get turned off by immediate sexual references, even in jokes. They see it as men testing the water to see what they can get away with and think if a man is that comfortable making obnoxious jokes in front of someone they don’t know, they will be more comfortable with even worse behavior later.
One user shared a story where this played out in her life. “I had a guy in the same driving class as me, kinda goofy, bit odd, but friendly enough,” she shared.
The user explained that he asked for her number, which she gave, but was immediately turned off by his texting behavior. “He straight away proceeded to text me dirty jokes, and we weren’t friends like that. I turned down a date with him coz I just felt like if he could jump straight into dirty jokes with a near stranger, then a date with him would be even more uncomfortable.”
Inability To Be Wrong
According to some women, men who can’t admit they’re wrong are walking red flags. Some men take being mistaken as a blow to their ego and refuse to accept it, especially from women (which also showcases some underlining misogyny)
Many women refuse to engage with men who can’t admit when they’re wrong.
“I prove that they’re wrong using Google, and they get mad at ME! Like WTF?! Get over yourself,” replied one user.
The “Alpha Male”
Men seem drawn to the Alpha Male personas floating around the internet, but women hate it.
Though the original goal was to promote healthy masculinity and well-being for men, the efforts were perverted by a few “alpha male experts” looking to make a quick buck off male insecurity. The result is a toxic mess where men behave horribly, thinking it’s what women like.
The behavior repels healthy, well-adjusted women.
“I have always felt if someone calls himself ‘alpha,’ it immediately becomes clear to me they are not and have no idea what it actually is. Instead, they use it as a cop-out for their own bad behavior,” said one user.
Strong men don’t need to call themselves “alpha” posture, and treat everyone around them poorly to stroke their own egos.
Men, Shift Your Behavior To Get Second Dates
Men, take note. You may be engaging in some of the behaviors in the thread, thinking they’re crucial to getting dates. In reality, you’re turning off the women you hope to attract.
Women want to date decent guys who treat them well and care for themselves. Be that guy, and watch your relationship success soar.
Melanie Allen is an American journalist and happiness expert. She has bylines on MSN, the AP News Wire, Wealth of Geeks, Media Decision, and numerous media outlets across the nation. She covers a wide range of topics centered around self-actualization and the quest for a fulfilling life.