He Blows All His Money, But It’s His Wife’s Fault He Can’t Afford Ice Cream

The most challenging aspect of any relationship is navigating financial differences. Savers and spenders often get together, then struggle to come to terms with their different views on money. 

It’s often far worse than that, with one person destroying their own financial life and negatively impacting their partner. And in a typical abusive fashion, they point fingers at everyone else. 

One woman came to Reddit seeking advice after her husband did just that: blamed her for his financial failures. 

The Financial Situation

The Original Poster (OP) explained her husband’s dire financial situation. He’s employed but hates his job and calls out often. He’s unhappy with his life and has racked up massive consumer debt, trying to alleviate the pain with impulse shopping. 

With his financial life slowly spiraling out of control, the couple decided to merge finances and put her in charge to prevent him from spending recklessly. 

Spending Money

Their new financial arrangement allows them both “spending money” with each paycheck. She didn’t say how they decide how much each partner gets but stated that he got $200, while she only got $40. 

He Wants Ice Cream

The couple went to dinner at her mom’s house, and things were going great until the husband decided to stop for ice cream on the way home. He asked OP if they could stop and get a treat from Dairy Queen on the way home. 

OP, in charge of the budget, asked the most appropriate question she could in this situation.

I asked him if he had money for Dairy Queen,” she stated. 

He Does Not Have Money for Dairy Queen

OP’s husband blew through his $200 in short order. He didn’t have money for ice cream. OP still had $32 left, but she didn’t want to waste her “spending money” on ice cream, and the only other money was already slated for bills. 

He decided against the ice cream they couldn’t afford, but OP’s mom graciously gave them $10, which they spent on popsicles. 

Husband Blows Up

OP’s husband didn’t take the question lightly. Once they were alone, he blew up on OP, saying she embarrassed him in front of her mom and that she’s financially abusive

He also had a change of heart about her handling the finances. 

“He would no longer let me handle the money, and I would have to give him an itemized list of bills if I wanted money to pay them,” stated OP. 

Was She Wrong?

OP is at a loss, wondering if she was wrong to question her husband about the ice cream. She understood his concern about bringing it up in front of her mom and apologized for that. However, she thinks she’s justified in pointing out his atrocious spending habits, especially after they agreed that she’d handle it. 

He’s Going To Drag You Down OP

Most Reddit users agreed that she shouldn’t have said anything in front of her mom, but they understood why she did. It’s likely that he purposefully asked in front of the mom to make OP feel bad about saying no, and was upset when his plan failed. 

He knows he doesn’t have money for ice cream, but his desire for instant gratification is more important than their overall well-being. He had no qualms about spending money earmarked for bills on getting what he wanted at that moment. 

“He is going to drag you down like an anchor in the sea if he can’t get a grip, OP,” warned one user, noticing the husband’s lack of regard for anything but his desires. 

Stop Combining Finances

Many advised OP to stop combining finances with her train wreck of a husband and let him take responsibility for his bills and life. 

“There’s no point trying to show him how to handle his money if he doesn’t think there’s an issue with the way he’s handling his finances,” stated one user. 

“Do not combine your financials, this dude is already famously bad with money and starting to control your money as punishment for bringing up his addiction,” said another. 

Financial Abuse?

The financial abuse accusation caught OP off-guard. Was refusing to buy ice cream with bill money abusive?

Absolutely not, but his response – forcing her to provide him with an itemized bill – sure is. 

“Being fiscally responsible isn’t financial abuse; it’s called being responsible and not buying stuff you can’t afford,” stated one user. 

“Your husband calls you financially abusive. He then threatens to hold all your money hostage and only give you exact change for bills,” said another, pointing out that his behavior is far more abusive than her question. 

Getting on the Same Page

OP and her husband read the comments together and took them to heart. He apologized for the financial abuse comment, and they decided not to merge finances. They will contribute to the bills and household in a way that both parties agree is fair and hold each other to the agreement. 

He will put his energy into getting a new job so he doesn’t feel such despair, which will hopefully resolve the compulsive spending problem. 

We’re glad they both say where they erred and are working together to resolve the problems. We hope the new arrangements work out for both of them. 

Source: Reddit