Having kids means sacrifice. Once you bring children into this world, you must put them first, even if it means giving up most of your free time.
One man thought he could have it all on his wife’s shoulders. He came to Reddit seeking validation for his life choices, only to find out how wrong he really is.
The Split Workload
The Original Poster (OP) shared that he’s married with two young children, aged two years and three months. He works full-time outside the home, while his wife works remotely part-time and handles the bulk of the childcare.
He Spends a Lot of Time at the Gym
OP loves his gym time.
He said he goes multiple times weekly, both during the workweek and on the weekends. He’ll hit the gym for a few hours before coming home from work and says he “only goes when the kids are napping” on the weekends.
Unfortunately, his wife isn’t as pleased with his gym habits as he is.
“Ever since having our first child, it has been a continuously sore subject that I still go to the gym multiple times a week when I could be at home instead,” he said.
He added that his wife gets upset when he works out at home as well and says biting comments like “Must be nice to be able to go workout whenever you want” when he tries to squeeze in workout time.
Attempts to Compromise
OP doesn’t think his wife is being fair. He insists he works a demanding job and needs the gym time to decompress.
He also said that when he’s available to watch the kids, he tells his wife she should go to the gym.
“I have offered many times for her to do the same and leave the kids with me while she goes, but she usually doesn’t feel like going in the times when I’m available to do so,” OP reported.
OP Has No Time for Himself
OP ended his post by saying he feels like he’s given up all his hobbies for the kids and doesn’t think he should have to give up his gym time too.
“I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable to ask for 4 or 5 hours per week in order to take care of myself physically and mentally,” he said, asking Reddit if he was wrong.
Yes, OP – You’re in the Wrong
Apparently, OP didn’t realize that young children require time and sacrifice. We get that parents need their own time too, but that time is few and far between with an infant and a toddler.
His request for 4-5 hours per week is outrageous, especially considering we all know he’s probably underestimating the total time he’s away from home.
“You go to the gym “multiple times a week,” including the weekend. 4-5 hours is a fantasy,” said one user. “You have to get there, use the equipment, presumably get changed/shower, get out, get back home. That amounts to many more hours.”
A Bad Time for the Gym
Many users pointed out that OP’s gym time falls within the worst time for parents. He’s enjoying himself while she wrangles two tired kids and cooks dinner.
“You’re going to the gym straight after work, which is…the absolute worst time of the day with small kids,” said one user.
It’s All on His Schedule
Others caught that all his attempts to compromise worked best for him. He gives her time to go to the gym when he’s available without even considering what might work better for her.
He goes to the gym when he wants and enjoys time with the kids when he wants. It’s all on his terms.
Meanwhile, his wife must constantly be in charge of the kids. She doesn’t get a break whenever she wants.
It’s Deeper than the Gym
Overall, it seems like the gym isn’t actually the issue. The wife works while caring for two kids, and with OP’s work and gym schedule, it sounds like she never gets a break.
OP needs to empathize with his wife and take a more significant role in child-rearing. His wife is obviously overwhelmed and burning out, and he’s too wrapped up in whether he can spend hours at the gym to realize that she likely hasn’t had a break in months.
Do better OP.