He Forces His Girlfriend To Go Along with Sexist Family Traditions To “Keep the Peace”

Many people cling to sexist rituals in the name of “tradition.” Younger generations are finally calling out their older relatives and refusing to participate in activities clearly rooted in oppression. 

However, navigating these activities can prove difficult, as older family members demand strict adherence to their beloved but sexist traditions. 

One man came to Reddit to find out if he was wrong for forcing his girlfriend to play along with these outdated tropes. 

Family Gatherings Rooted in Sexism

The Original Poster (OP) admits that his family traditions are sexist. He said they all gather once every few months for large dinners, where the women cook while the men sit back and relax. 

Typically, how this works is that the women go cook for the time they’re there, and the men don’t. Which I am fully aware it’s sexist,” says OP. 

He Wants his Girlfriend To Join Cooking

His new girlfriend was invited to the get-together, but she had second thoughts upon hearing that she’d be forced to cook with the other women. 

OP says that women who don’t cook are treated poorly, and he wants his girlfriend to make a good first impression. 

“Some of those women choose not to cook, however, this is usually met with a level of ostracizing,” OP explains, adding that it’s even worse for new women who refuse to participate. 

“When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness, etc.”

Family Peace Trumps Sexism

The girlfriend doesn’t want anything to do with the sexist tradition, but OP insists she gives in to keep the peace. 

“I told her that I understood where she was coming from, however it was best for everyone if she just played along,” he said, oblivious to the fact that giving into sexism isn’t actually best for his girlfriend. 

She Won’t Participate

OP’s girlfriend decided it would be “best for everyone” if she skipped the event. He’s unhappy with that choice and insists she make a good first impression with his family. 

He said he tried to compromise (though he doesn’t offer any thoughts on what that means), but she’s not having it. In fact, she gets mad at him for trying to force this nonsense on her, and he still doesn’t get the problem. 

“She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this, I’m just as bad as everyone else, while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression,” he concluded, asking if he was in the wrong. 

Yeah, OP, You’re A Jerk

We’re shocked that OP isn’t aware of how much of a giant jerk he is. 

One user aptly summarized OP’s entire position with a sarcastic comment. “Why won’t my gf abandon her sense of self-respect so that she can establish herself as a subservient woman-tool so that my sexist family won’t mentally and verbally abuse her?! She just doesn’t get it!!”

“Your family is bullying women that don’t cook?” asked another. “That’s horrible. That’s just so wrong.”

OP Could Step Up

Many Redditors offered a simple solution, but we’re not at all shocked that OP didn’t consider it. He should step up and help in the kitchen. 

“Why doesn’t OP get in the kitchen and interrupt this archaic arrangement that way?” asked one user. 

“My best recommendation to you is to take your girlfriend to the kitchen, have her sit down and chat with your family, and YOU do some dishes or food prep work. That way, she is not trying to socialize without you, her safe person, being around. And her “share” (although she should NOT have a share of the work!) is being covered by YOU,” advised another. 

But He Benefits

Others pointed out that OP didn’t really want things to change because he benefited from the system. It’s easy to highlight the inherent sexism while lounging on the couch with the other guys. 

At any point, he could have gotten up and helped, but he never did, highlighting that he wanted to feel good about noticing the toxic setup but didn’t want to make himself uncomfortable by doing the work to fix it. 

“Bet his “protests” don’t include bringing a dish or joining the clean up. And by joining, I mean getting in there and getting busy, not asking what they can do,” stated one user. 

Perpetuating a Sexist Tradition

Ultimately, OP is perpetuating it by asking his girlfriend to participate and refusing to do anything to change this outdated and sexist tradition. 

Noticing the problem is not enough. If you want to effect real change, you need to take action. OP could do that at any point; thus far, he’s chosen not to. 

OP’s contributing to sexist practices, despite his insistence otherwise. 

Source: Reddit