Gender roles cause severe problems in many relationships. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we can’t get past the deeply engrained biases society injected into our upbringing.
One woman’s internalized misogyny ran so deep she couldn’t see the problem with her husband’s outrageous demand concerning take-out food.
She’s the Breadwinner
The Original Poster (OP) came to Reddit wondering if she was wrong in asking her husband to pay half for their take-out dinner.
She said she’s the breadwinner, making double what he makes, and although they split the groceries and rent, she pays for almost everything else.
OP funds their vacations, his new clothes, and shoes and is saving for a house (for them). Meanwhile, he helps pay rent and groceries when he can, but all his free money goes to stuff for him.
And Works Longer Hours
Although they start at the same time, he works a standard eight-hour shift and is typically home by 330, whereas she works longer hours and usually doesn’t get home until after five.
She shared that her husband works a physical job as a food processor, but he gets to come home and check out of work. OP typically must log in at home to finish her work.
Ordering Take Out
OP recently got a fantastic promotion, but unfortunately, it came with longer hours and more stress. With less time to cook, she’s been relying more on takeout for dinner.
However, her husband scoffed when she asked him to pay for his portion of the meals.
It’s Your Job To Cook
An astute observer might wonder why they’re ordering takeout when he’s home at 330 each day.
If you guessed misogyny, you’d be right.
He refuses to pay for the takeout because, as OP relates, “I am the wife, and it is my role to cook. Therefore, if I cannot cook, then I should make up for it by paying for takeaways.”
OP Unsure What To Do
A confused and frustrated OP came to Reddit, wondering how to resolve the situation. She doesn’t think it’s fair that she pays for the takeout, but she understands he doesn’t have as much money.
However, she’s also frustrated because he constantly comments about supporting and taking care of her, and she’s fed up because she contributes far more than he does.
Baffled that It’s Even a Question
Many users were baffled that OP is so beaten down by her husband that she even questioned whether she’s the unreasonable one.
Many would have been out at the first sexist remark, but OP didn’t seem to register it.
“That line alone is awful to the bone,” said one user, referring to the “wife’s job to cook” comment. “You have a bad man.”
He Needs To Provide
Others pointed out the husband’s blatant hypocrisy in demanding his wife adhere to traditional gender roles while benefitting when she doesn’t.
“By that logic, as the husband, it’s his role to be the breadwinner and support you financially. But he seems quite happy for you to earn significantly more than he does,” said one user.
“So many men want a tradwife but don’t want to be a tradhusband,” added another.
Why Are You With Him?
Reddit loves recommending divorce, but it’s hard to see where they’re wrong in this instance. Many asked OP what her husband even brings to the table because it seems like he’s a giant user.
“The guy sounds like a freeloading tool with an attitude,” pointed out one. He “wants her to pay for pretty much everything just because she earns more, and then doesn’t want to contribute to anything either because he’s “the man of the house.”
Protect Yourself OP
Users also gave some sound advice. OP needs to protect herself and her finances now. It’s time to separate all accounts and demand an equal split of everything from here on out.
It’s also time to stop adhering to strict gender roles and forcing the husband to contribute his fair share to the household.
He needs to step up; if he doesn’t, OP needs to move on.
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