Relationships take work. Partners must love and respect each other, give each other space, and compromise on their own needs to make things work.
One man came to Reddit seeking help because his wife forced him to come home early from a gathering with friends and wouldn’t compromise by letting his friends come over too.
Husband is Mad that Wife Won’t Let Friends Come Over
The Original Poster (OP) came to Reddit wondering if he was wrong for getting angry that his wife wouldn’t allow his friends to come over.
He explained that his wife had just given birth a few weeks ago and still suffered complications from the medical procedure. Despite this, he still decided to head to his friend’s house to hang out with the guys because his wife had a friend over.
Wife Calls Him Home
OP said his wife called quickly called him home because her pain was worsening, and she couldn’t handle the newborn alone.
“After playing for about 30 minutes, my wife calls me (her friend is gone now) and asks if I can come home because a bump on her skin has gotten more painful, and she doesn’t want to be taking care of the baby alone when it’s painful for her to stand and walk at this point,” explained OP.
Although he was upset at the situation, he seemed understanding at first.
“Obviously, I’m disappointed that I have to leave, but it is what it is,” He stated.
Brilliant Idea to Invite Guys Over Instead
On the ride home, a brilliant thought struck OP. He could invite the guys to his place and play games while caring for his wife and 6-week-old baby.
“I call my wife and suggest that I just bring my friends over to my house instead, that way, I can help with the baby whenever she needs me to, and I’ll still get to hang out with my friends whenever I’m not needed by her,” he said.
Of course, she’s not thrilled with this idea. She’s in pain and struggling with an infant.
“She says that she doesn’t want people over, and we hang up,” said a frustrated OP.
Upset OP Fights with Wife
OP admitted to getting mad and starting a fight with his post-partum wife over the perceived injustice.
“After I get home, I lay down next to her,” he said. He added that he lay there silently for 15 minutes before throwing a tantrum and asking her, “What am I gonna do for the rest of day?”
Of course, his wife sensed his anger, it seethed off him in the thread, and we can only imagine how aggressive the question appeared to his wife.
“She immediately starts crying and saying “Are you seriously mad right now?!” and he admits it, saying “I’m not mad that she wanted me home, but I’m mad that she won’t let me have my friends over when in my mind it makes no difference to her.”
He Doesn’t Understand the Problem
His wife tried explaining that she needed moral support and his priority should be his wife and newborn baby, but he didn’t get it.
“I don’t see why I can’t be there for her when she needs help, and then also be able to go out into the living room to see my friends when she doesn’t. That way we’re both happy, right?” he asked, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he shouldn’t be a helper but an equal partner in caring for his child.
Is OP Wrong?
OP came to Reddit to find out if he was wrong. Users took the opportunity to set the new father straight.
“You have a six-week-old child, and you’re fussing because you want to go have a play date with your dudes?” asked one incredulous user.
“You’re a major AH. What are you going to do for the whole day? Parent! Look after your baby! Oh, wait, you gave a baby making machine for that! Dude, you don’t get to have Saturdays off now that you have a baby! Neither does she! You’re an awful human being!” exclaimed one user.
Of Course Wife Doesn’t Want Company
Many were shocked that OP would even suggest having friends over so recently after giving birth.
“Your wife recently gave birth, and she was in pain. She doesn’t want a bunch of people over playing games,” replied one user, stating the obvious.
“If your friends come over, she has to consider how her pain will affect your group’s dynamic. She doesn’t want that. She wants your support in case the pain gets too much,” replied another.
Imagine if the Roles Were Reversed
Many pointed out the social expectation that mothers parent while fathers help.
“Can we imagine a mom or wife ever saying to husband, “I’ll help you with the baby whenever I can” or “I’ll help with the baby when you need me?” asked one user. “It’s not helping, it’s your kid. Help means you’re doing something that’s not your main responsibility, so you assist. THIS IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. You are not helping, you’re doing your job,” they added.
“Flipping the genders highlights how mad it sounds for a parent to be acting this way so soon after a baby has arrived,” added another.
“Yup. I really hate this whole misconception that the woman is the main care giver and that she’s supposed to just know everything and give the info to the dads,” replied a third.
What Do You Think?
Do you think OP was justified in his anger or that Reddit was correct in telling him things must change now that he has a child?
This post was inspired by a Reddit thread.
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