Parenting is a tough job, especially when the kids are young. Unfortunately, some men still see parenting as their wife’s job, and although they offer to “help out,” they consider her the default parent and won’t step up unless specifically asked.
One man came to Reddit seeking advice after his wife asked for too much help with the kids, causing him to miss out on his other plans.
Wife Asks for Weekend Help So She Can Work
The Original Poster (OP) explained that his stressed-out wife asked him to spend three hours with the kids on Saturday so she could catch up with work stuff.
He wasn’t opposed to “helping” but wanted specifics because he had things he wanted to do.
“I have offered to help but asked her specifically her timeframe so that I could figure out the things that I need/want to do,” he admits.
She said she needed three hours, so he agreed to watch the kids for three hours on Saturday morning.
She Needs More Time
OP’s wife didn’t finish in her allotted time. She said she only got 10% of all the work done. Instead of tag-teaming him out of parenting, she left the house to run errands. When she returned, they needed to get ready for a family party, and he had no time for himself that day.
She Asks Him To Watch the Kids on Sunday, Too
OP thought he’d get a reprieve the next day, but his wife demanded he stay home to watch the kids. OP, however, had other plans.
“I told her that I had a sports game today, where I would be gone for 2 hours,” he said. She said she needed to do her work and couldn’t do it while watching the kids, so he decided to nitpick her work.
He “asked her if she is so strapped for time, why she is spending hours doing things around the house that she wants to do (like organizing family photos) and not doing her actual work.”
Wife Blows Up
The frustrated wife had enough and blew up on OP, saying all the stuff she did had to be done, and she couldn’t focus on her work if it weren’t complete.
A “livid” OP came to Reddit looking for support. He claims he always gives up stuff for his wife and works 60 hours per week, so he doesn’t understand why he has to dedicate his weekend time to parenting.
Oh, and by the way, the children are both under two. OP neglected to share that tidbit in his post, but he did answer a question in the comments.
How Much Do You Do OP?
Reddit users needed more information. Two kids under two is a massive burden, and it’s suspicious that OP thinks he should have free time to do whatever he wants.
He claims he works 60 hours and handles 40% of the childcare while working an overnight shift. He also cooks most of the time and does all the outdoor work.
OP’s Claims Don’t Add Up
Many users said OP’s claim of 40% childcare doesn’t add up. If he works overnight, his wife will likely handle the night shift with childcare. Two kids under two probably means an infant, which likely keeps her up most of the night.
He probably comes home and sleeps, but his wife works what he calls “banker’s hours,” so after being up all night with the baby, she has to work her regular job.
OP never responded to questions for clarification on these details.
They Did the Math
Others used OP’s claims to show him how much more his wife was doing than he was. After adding their work hours plus the 40/60 childcare split, they discovered that OP works 127 hours per week while his wife works 145.
OP Doesn’t Worry About Childcare Unless Asked
Some users pointed out the hidden message in OP’s words. The way he speaks about “helping” and ensuring he has time for his “wants” suggests that he sees childcare as the mom’s job.
Does he leave without discussing his plans with his wife, knowing she’ll handle the kids? Does he ever parent on his own without her having to ask?
These are his children, too, and if he’s relying on his wife to do all the parenting unless she specifically asks him to watch them, he’s failing.
Many Redditors were sympathetic. Two kids under two are rough, and both parties are probably suffering. They recommended a frank discussion about household duties and getting a babysitter now and again to alleviate the pressure.
We hope this is the case and that the two of them can come to a solution that meets both of their needs.
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