Insecure and Controlling or Legit Request? Should You Go To a Party with an Ex?

Relationships can be challenging to navigate. Partners must compromise, but there’s a fine line between compromising and controlling. 

One man came to Reddit to determine if he was wrong for controlling behavior toward his girlfriend. 

She Wants To Go To a Party

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The Original Poster (OP) said his girlfriend wanted to go to a birthday party for one of her friends. It was a girl’s only affair, so he wasn’t invited. They are both 24. 

He asked who else was going, and she responded truthfully that her ex-girlfriend would be there. 

He Demands She Stay Home

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OP’s insecurity got the best of him, as he demanded his girlfriend skip the event due to her ex’s presence. 

I told her I didn’t want her to go if her ex was gonna be there,” he admitted. 

An Arguement Ensued 

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She argued that there would be lots of people there, and she wasn’t going to visit her ex but to support her friend on their birthday. 

OP wasn’t having it. “I said that I didn’t care, that it was still her ex, and I didn’t want her to be around her ex.”

Girlfriend Goes Anyway

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At least one member of the relationship shows maturity. OP’s girlfriend refused to participate in his insecure charade and said she would attend the party anyway. 

“She told me that she was not gonna miss her friend’s birthday just because I was jealous of her ex from when she was 17,” he recounted, adding that if the situation were reversed, he’d stay home out of respect for her. 

OP Wonders if He’s Wrong

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OP couldn’t fathom that he was wrong in the situation. 

“She’s still talking to me, but I can tell that she’s annoyed I asked her that, but I honestly don’t think it was as crazy of a request as she makes it out to be,” he admitted. 

Reddit Calls Him Out 

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Subreddit users quickly pointed out how absurd OP’s request was. 

“Expecting someone to avoid all social situations with someone they dated as a teenager is super restrictive and controlling,” said one user. 

It’s Very Controlling

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“Jealous, controlling, untrusting…. And it’s an ex from years ago?” asked one user, baffled at how OP could think his behavior was okay. 

Another user said OP’s in the wrong but offered some helpful advice. “You should get therapy because you are a controlling boyfriend but seem open to change,” they said. 

OP is Insecure

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Others said OP needs to examine his insecurities because his request was actually pathetic, especially since the relationship was from many years ago when they were both teenagers. 

“I think there’s something so desperately insecure and pathetic when you’re talking about this expectation to pre-adult relationships,” replied one Redditor.  

“This is controlling and immature. You don’t sound ready to be in a relationship with a human person,” said another, adding that OP should  “Try getting a dog. They are easier to control.”

Boundary Breaking

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One user came to OP’s defense, saying his girlfriend broke a boundary and they wouldn’t tolerate it. Reddit users quickly downvoted the comment and discussed the difference between setting boundaries and being controlling. 

“This is not a boundary, and she definitely didn’t break one. This is an insecure person whining about not getting their way after being completely unreasonable. OP needs to grow up,” said one. 

OP Ultimately Apologizes

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After reading Reddit’s comments, the OP realized he was wrong. He edited his post to say he would apologize to his girlfriend and tell her he had no issues with her attending the party. 

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Source: Reddit