The decision to have children shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s one of the essential conversations couples should have before becoming serious, but far too many make assumptions and refuse to engage in this crucial conversation.
One woman came to Reddit after a massive fight regarding children destroyed her relationship.
The Original Poster (OP) shared that she met her fiance online three years ago. Her profile clearly indicated that she does not want children and had her reproductive organs removed medically, so she’s incapable of having them.
First Date Questions
While dating, her fiance asked her numerous questions about what she wrote in her profile. He read everything and made a point to showcase his attention to detail during the courting phase.
Because of his explicit attention to her profile, OP believed he read and understood her position on children and thought they were on the same page. Why would he pursue her if he had different ideas about the future?
OP continued using birth control throughout their relationship, but like many women, it’s a medical necessity rather than a contraceptive.
She has a long-lasting implant that helps control horrible period pain. Apparently, he never thought to ask her about it.
Trying for a Baby
With the wedding on the horizon, OP’s fiance thought it would be a great time to start trying for a baby.
“Last night, he mentioned that I should consider stopping my birth control since now we’re engaged, and given our ages, we should start trying for kids,” she shared.
You’re Joking, Right?
OP burst out laughing at the ridiculous question, truly believing it was a joke.
It was not a joke. The fiance got upset, so OP reminded him that she was infertile.
“I reminded him that the second line of my dating profile said I was ostensibly infertile,” she said.
Fiance Flips Out
The fiance flipped out at this new-to-him information. He insisted that she lied to him and led him on.
“He stormed out and his mom called me crying that I’ve ruined his life,” she shared, adding that his sister also harassed her about her medical decisions regarding her own body.
Was OP Wrong?
The fiance’s entire family claims OP lied to him, stealing precious years of his life and limiting his ability to father children.
She feels horrible but doesn’t know if she was truly wrong here.
OP Technically Disclosed the Information
We can’t fault OP for not bringing up children when she clearly wrote her stance in her profile. Any reasonable person would assume that their partner read their profile and agreed with the stance if they didn’t say anything, so OP wasn’t responsible for starting that conversation.
Lots of Future Talks
OP shared that they did have numerous discussions about the future. They talked about where they would live and how much room they’d need for hobbies. They discussed retirement investments and getting a dog.
The one thing missing from their future talks was children, and OP assumed that they were on the same page about a child-free life.
He Should Have Asked
If he didn’t see that part of the profile, he should have asked about children well before the three-year mark.
The fiance refused to engage in the conversation, made assumptions about their future, and blamed OP when things didn’t turn out how he wanted them to.
Either Way, It’s a Dealbreaker
Although Reddit doesn’t believe OP is in the wrong, the hive mind is right about one thing: This relationship is over.
Even without the horrific way he treated her after discovering her infertility, the relationship couldn’t survive.
If one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, there’s no way a relationship will work. One will feel forced into a life they didn’t want and resent their partner.
There are plenty of people who want kids and plenty of people who don’t. If you find yourself in a relationship mismatched on this critical life goal, it’s best to end things and find someone on the same page.
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