Would you be upset if you wanted a specific item for your birthday and didn’t receive it after talking about it for months?
One woman came to Reddit to seek validation for her feelings after experiencing just that. Do you think she’s right to be upset?
Birthdays are Important
The Original Poster (OP) began by saying how important birthdays are to her.
“I put a lot of effort into birthdays (including his) and was pretty excited about it for the last month or so,” she said.
OP also mentioned that she might have a complex about birthdays. As a child, she felt her needs were always brushed aside for her siblings, even on special occasions.
She Wants a Cake for Her Birthday
OP explained that she wanted a specific cake for her birthday and didn’t care about any other gifts.
“A local bakery makes a really good-looking pineapple upside-down cake. I have been really wanting to try it and have been saving it for my birthday,” she said.
She mentioned the cake to her boyfriend, who she’d been seeing for about ten months, on numerous occasions.
“About a month in advance, I told him my birthday was coming up and gave him a few activity ideas, and told him that I didn’t need a gift, but I really wanted a pineapple upside-down cake from XYZ Bakery,” she said, adding that the boyfriend agreed.
OP said she also brought up the bakery in passing over the month and texted him a reminder with the cake and address a week before the big day so he’d have it on hand.
The Big Day Finally Comes
Needless to say, OP was ecstatic about her birthday. Her boyfriend came over and gifted her a Kindle, then presented the cake.
Of course, it wasn’t the pineapple cake, and it wasn’t even from the bakery. OP described it as “but just a regular grocery store cake with the frosting balloons. Vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream.”
Upset OP Skips Birthday Activities
Disheartened, OP told her boyfriend to just go home.
“I was on the verge of tears because of not getting the one thing I actually wanted, which was that stupid cake, so I told him I was very disappointed and that he should just go home,” she explained.
Her boyfriend left, but not without making OP question her own emotions and demanding retribution for another gift, a ticket to a comedy show.
“He’s annoyed because it is, of course, “just a cake” and wants me to reimburse the cost of the wasted ticket.”
OP Wonders if She’s Wrong
OP refused to pay the $30 for the wasted ticket, but her boyfriend’s insistence has her wondering if she’s in the wrong.
Should she pay him back for the ticket?
Reddit Takes OP’s Side
Redditors backed OP, lamenting the all too common low-effort gifts men give their partners.
“I’m sick of boyfriends/husbands getting a pass on BS like this. You clearly told him what you wanted, and then he didn’t even get the cake! You asked for one thing, and he couldn’t even do that right,” exclaimed one user.
“How hard is it to follow instructions?” asked another. “I mean you needn’t put any effort, you are told exactly what she wants.”
OP Should Reconsider the Relationship
Many Redditors said that OP should rethink the relationship. It’s only been ten months, and this situation shows he either doesn’t care or is actively trying to manipulate OP.
“You didn’t hint,” stated one user. “You flat out told him what you wanted, and he ignored it. Not saying leave him, but that screams minimal effort. Talk to him about it, and he can eat that $30.”
“I hope I’m not being alarmist, but your BF’s…way of control seems like it could slide into abusive behavior very easily,” said another.
“I am not sure if he needs better listening skills or if he is disrespectful, but if y’all want to stay together, he needs to take a much more ACTIVE role in your conversations,” added a third.
Some Said OP Was Wrong
Though the top-voted comments all supported OP, if you sort by controversial, you’ll find many who supported the boyfriend.
“I get the disappointment But if you REALLY wanted the cake, why didn’t you buy it yourself?” asked one user.
“He celebrated your birthday and bought you gifts and a cake, even though it isn’t the one you wanted. Grow up, you aren’t entitled to anything,” said another.