Sometimes relationship boundaries clash with the desire to be a good host. We don’t want to be rude to guests, but we also can’t have our partners walking all over us with outlandish expectations.
One woman came to Reddit seeking validation for her refusal to be a good host for her partner’s friend.
Late Boyfriend, Late Night Cooking
The Original Poster (OP) said she was expecting her boyfriend over for dinner around 8 pm, and they are both in their early twenties.
He didn’t show up.
An hour later, he arrived, friend in tow, informing OP that he invited the friend to come home and eat with them.
OP took her boyfriend aside so as not to argue in front of their guest.
“I asked him why he was late and what was his friend doing here. He said that on his way home, he ran into the friend, they went to get drinks, and when he saw the time, he invited him to eat with us,” she explained.
Boyfriend Wants OP To Make More Food
The OP didn’t understand her boyfriend’s reasoning.
“I asked why he didn’t warned me before allowing him to come eat with us. He answered he didn’t think it’d bother me,” she said, telling her boyfriend that she didn’t make enough food for three people.
The boyfriend brushed off her concerns – it wouldn’t be a problem. She could just make more food!
“When I told him that I didn’t cooked enough for three, he said that it wasn’t too late for me to cook more for his friend,” she shared, highlighting the unreasonable expectations her boyfriend had.
OP Refuses To Cook
It was already nearly 930, and OP had an early morning, so she said she wouldn’t cook.
“I refused and said no, it is too late for me to cook more for your friend because it’s already close to 9:30 pm, and I have to wake up early for work tomorrow.”
Befuddled Boyfriend Doesn’t Know What To Do
Showcasing his uselessness, the boyfriend was at a loss.
“He asked what was his friend supposed to eat then,” said OP, who was nice enough to hold his hand through the options. “I replied that he could either cook for his friend or give him my plate and then went to bed after saying a quick goodbye to his friend.”
Shortly after, OP heard the door open and close, indicating the unexpected guest had left.
Boyfriend Says OP is Rude
The boyfriend’s bewilderment that the woman of the house wouldn’t cook for him and a friend on demand shifted to anger.
Upon waking up, she found a barrage of texts from her boyfriend claiming she was rude and made his friend feel unwelcome.
“When I woke up, I’d received a couple of texts from my boyfriend saying that my behavior yesterday was very rude, that his friend had felt unwelcome, and me being mad at him wasn’t an excuse for the way I had treated his friend,” she said.
The texts had OP questioning her actions.
Was she rude to the guest? Should she have sucked it up and cooked for them?
“Now I feel guilty because I didn’t want to make his friend feel unwelcome,” she admitted.
OP is Not Rude, but the Boyfriend Sure Is
Reddit ruled that OP was not the rude one in the situation.
“Bringing someone over unexpectedly at this hour isn’t a minor inconvenience,” stated one user.
“This is a thoughtless BF issue, not an issue with his friend or you,” said another.
“So he brought someone to YOUR house, no notice, and demanded you cook for them?” asked one, shocked at the audacity. “Absolutely not! This behavior shows he has zero respect for you!” they exclaimed.
Throw the Whole Man Away
Many users told OP that her boyfriend is a disrespectful boundary stomper, manipulating her to see what more he can get away with.
“Right now, the boyfriend is working on making OP feeling guilty enough so he can stomp any boundaries that OP may feel necessary to build a life together. He sees OP as less than a person, more like a object he can use to make his friends happy,” said one user.
“Your boyfriend is an insensitive entitled jerk, you are not his personal Cook,” stated another. “Don’t feel guilty. And don’t let him manipulate you,” they added.
Hopefully, Reddit’s comments will open OP’s eyes to the awful treatment by her boyfriend. If this was a one-time thing, the relationship is still salvageable if he’s willing to admit he was wrong and change, but if it’s a common occurrence, OP should run for the hills.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.