Relationships take compromise. Sometimes, you must sacrifice everything you know to be with the person you love.
One woman came to Reddit after being thrust into a situation where she must choose between staying with her husband as he moves to a different city or divorcing and remaining in her hometown.
A Challenging Marriage
In many cases, the choice is easy. You made a vow to your partner, so you stick with them through thick and thin, supporting their career and making compromises for their well-being.
The Original Poster’s (OP) case is different.
When the offer first appeared, OP and her husband decided he should take it. But they also decided to get a divorce.
OP has health concerns that limit her ability to bear children, while her husband desperately wants kids. He doesn’t feel he’s cut out to help her navigate her ill health.
Moving would also limit OP’s job opportunities, take her from her trusted doctors, force her to sell a house she just bought, and limit her ability to care for her terminally ill mother.
A Surprise Pregnancy
Between discussing the job offer and ultimate acceptance, OP discovered she was pregnant. She decided to continue with the pregnancy despite her health concerns and move with her husband so they could be a family.
They started planning their life in the new city. OP scoped out book clubs and coffee shops while applying for jobs in the area.
Ends in Miscarriage
The pregnancy ended in tragedy. OP suffered a miscarriage. Her husband wants to stay together and try again, but she’s terrified. The first pregnancy wreaked havoc on her body and ended in tragedy, so she’s not sure she wants to go through that again.
In addition, her husband made nasty comments about her weight and “mom bod” despite OP’s history with an eating disorder.
OP Has a Decision To Make
Now, OP is stuck with a heartwrenching decision. Should she go with her husband and work on her marriage, or should she stay for her health, financial wellness, and family?
She was all set to go, but with only a few weeks left until the big day, she’s having doubts and anxiety attacks over the prospect of moving.
She came to Reddit seeking guidance on what to do.
Don’t Go, OP
Most Redditors advised against moving. Not because it takes sacrifice but because her husband doesn’t actually seem to care for her well-being.
“A man who “isn’t cut out to help you with health concerns” is not a man you want to have children with,” said one user.
Another pointed to that same phrase, saying, “This would be reason enough for divorce, for me. Love yourself enough to put your health and happiness first.”
Potential Kids Over Her Health
Others pointed out his insistence they try for another baby, despite the horrific side effects she endured during the first failed pregnancy, as proof he doesn’t care about her.
“He is pushing you for a baby when it’s inadvisable for you to get pregnant/carry to term. This is not someone worth working out compromises,” advised one user.
And Already Harping on Her Body
This man insists on having kids while simultaneously saying he’s not attracted to “mom bods” and he’s concerned about pregnancy weight gain.
He’s telling her he doesn’t value her as a human, only as a sex object and incubator.
Listen To Your Gut OP
OP’s anxiety attacks show that her body is sending serious messages. This man is not it. Moving is not the answer.
OP needs to listen to her body and stay put.
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