Who remembers an early scene in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, where Gaston decides to surprise Belle, whom he wasn’t even dating, with a wedding?
It obviously didn’t work out well for Gaston, but one man thought he’d fare better and planned an entire surprise wedding for his long-time partner.
A Long Term Relationship
As the Original Poster (OP), the surprised bride-to-be set the scene. She’s been with her boyfriend, Mark, for about five years, and although they discussed marriage, they weren’t engaged and had no solid plans for a wedding anytime soon.
Her boyfriend had arranged a fancy dinner, and she was really excited about the event.
Fancy Dinner is Actually a Wedding
Upon walking into the venue, OP discovered the shocking truth.
“As I entered the grand hall, I was completely taken aback to see all of our family, friends, and acquaintances gathered, eagerly waiting,” recalled OP. “It turns out Mark had orchestrated an elaborate surprise wedding for us without my knowledge.”
A Rush of Emotions
OP froze, overwhelmed with the sudden rush of mixed emotions.
“While I love Mark and had dreamed of our future together, the idea of getting married without any prior discussion or consent felt like a breach of trust,” she explained.
A Quick Conversation with the Groom
She found Mark among the crowd and pulled him aside for a private conversation to discuss her reservations and figure out what exactly was happening.
“I explained that I wanted a say in the planning process, to be part of the decision-making, and to have the chance to prepare mentally and emotionally for such a significant milestone in our lives,” she shared.
Mark, however, gave no thought to his bride-to-be’s desires. He dismissed her concerns and insisted on following through with the wedding. Mark thought she’d be thrilled at the romantic gesture.
What To Do?
At a crossroads, OP had an important decision to make. Should she put on a happy face and go through with the surprise wedding despite her reservations, or should she run?
“I faced a difficult choice go along with the surprise wedding, putting on a smile despite feeling unsettled, or stand up for my autonomy and voice my true feelings,” explained OP, ultimately deciding to leave.
Unfortunately for OP, none of the guests expected her to stand up for herself. Her friends and family are upset about the canceled wedding, and everyone thinks she should have gone along with it.
“Now, I find myself at odds with Mark, our families, and even some of our friends who believe I overreacted and spoiled a beautiful moment,” she shared.
OP is standing her ground and thinks she made the right choice, “I firmly believe that a marriage should be a joint decision, with open communication and shared expectations,” she said.
Still, the constant barrage from others saying she was in the wrong has her questioning herself.
She Wants to be Married
Her friends, family, and even Mark don’t understand her distress. They’ve been together for five years, they discussed marriage, and they would likely get married in the future anyway.
Mark thought he was doing a nice thing because OP previously mentioned how stressful wedding planning is, and the surprise wedding avoided the entire ordeal.
OP, however, doesn’t think any of that means she doesn’t want a say in if, when, and how she gets married.
Was she wrong to walk out on the surprise wedding?
OP is Not Wrong, But Everyone Else Is
Most Redditors agreed that everyone in this situation is wrong except for OP. The clueless boyfriend should have considered much more than “she likes surprises” and “she thinks wedding planning is stressful” when deciding to spring an entire wedding on his girlfriend.
But all of her friends and family are wrong too. Not only did they go along with this monstrosity without anyone saying, “Hey, maybe OP wouldn’t like this,” but now they’re all harassing her for not going through with it.
“Not one single person thought it might be a good idea to give a heads up to the BRIDE that there was going to be a wedding that day? And everyone is frustrated with OP?” asked one user, adding, “She might need an entirely new circle of friends. Yikes.”
Wanna-Be Husband More Wrong Than Anyone
Ultimately Mark is the worst in this situation. He definitely missed the mark in planning a surprise wedding because that’s not something you do to a bride, but he’s even worse for dismissing her concerns at the altar.
“His blatant disregard for boundaries is astounding. This is just the beginning,” commented one user.
“Trying to force a wedding down your throat, after hearing your concerns, was a huge violation of your trust and so overbearing. So controlling,” added another.
“It’s pretty obvious that he made the whole thing about himself and was a child when OP wouldn’t play along because it ruined his fantasy,” replied a third.
Despite Red Flags, Relationship Continues
OP was relieved to see so many comments agreeing with her decision to walk out; however, she didn’t agree with Reddit’s view of Mark.
She said she loves Mark and still wants to marry him but wants a say in the wedding planning process.
We hope for OP’s sake that Mark is just a clueless hopeless romantic and not someone who thinks women don’t deserve a say in their own lives.