Combining finances is a tricky aspect of any relationship. Deciding who pays what based on desires, incomes, and shared goals takes compromise and commitment to your partner’s best interests.
Sometimes, the mere mention of money can become a giant waving red flag that the relationship is doomed.
One woman came to Reddit and found out her relationship met these criteria.
He Asks Her to Help with His Bills
Typically, discussing merging finances comes after a couple decides to move in together.
The Original Poster (OP) was baffled when her boyfriend asked her to contribute to his bills despite maintaining her own apartment and sought advice on a community dedicated to relationships.
Why Boyfriend Thinks She Should Pay
OP shared that she stays at her boyfriend’s apartment four days a week, mostly because he prefers it that way.
“I’m over his Thursday evening, Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday. This was his choice, he asked me to spend more time over his with him,” she explained, adding that she agreed because he started an argument about not seeing each other enough.
However, it didn’t take long for him to use her constant visits as an excuse to ask her for money.
“He’s telling me I should pay money towards his rent/council tax etc. because I’m over his more than I am at mine,” she said.
OP Already Contributes
Not only does OP have her own bills to pay, but she also shared that she already contributes significantly to her boyfriend’s household.
“I pay for all the food when I’m there as it is, I do all the cooking and cleaning when I’m there too,” she explained, adding that she also pays all the costs associated with commuting to his apartment and that he has a company car so he doesn’t need to pay for anything similar.
OP Getting Played
Community members agreed OP’s boyfriend is taking advantage and trying to leech her for even more.
“Why does he not come to your place and pay part of your rent? And buy your groceries and cook your dinner?” asked one, highlighting the ridiculousness of the boyfriend’s demand.
“He wanted a free cook and maid. Now he has figured out a way to make her pay him. The audacity in this man is atrocious,” said another.
He’s Manipulating Her
OP’s boyfriend is clearly manipulating OP so he gets everything he wants, and she’s left holding the bag.
“He’s manipulating you BIG TIME. 1st, he gets you to come over more often. Next, he gets you to cook and clean for him. Now he wants you to pay rent?!? WTF!! He is wrong on so many levels,” exclaimed one user.
“This guy is using you as his servant – cooking and cleaning for him. On top of that, you pay for food, and now he wants rent from you! OP, you are so being used,” replied another.
OP Needs To Run
Others took it upon themselves to dive into OP’s comment history and found the boyfriend is a massive ball of red flags. The current situation is just the tip of the iceberg.
“I saw in another comment you made that he’s emotionally abusing you, has isolated you from your friends, and has convinced you that no one else will ever love you, and if you leave, you’ll be alone forever,” said one user. “Leaving will be the hardest part. It will feel like your world is crashing down around your shoulders. It will be like the withdrawal from a potent and addictive drug. But I promise you, you will be okay,” they insisted.
“Please leave while you still have your own place and job and car. It’s not impossible to leave without those things, but it’ll be much easier now,” advised another.
Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship is never easy. They convince you your life is empty without them, that you’ll be alone forever, that you’re unlovable, and that you should be grateful for the scraps they threw your way.
All of it is designed to wear you down and make you vulnerable to more abuse.
OP’s lucky he’s waving the red flags before they move in together and that she still has her own car, home, and life. She needs to get out while she can before the abuse gets even worse.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.