Babies are expensive. The US lacks healthcare and parental protections, so birthing a baby and finding ways to care for a newborn while affording life create a massive burden for young couples.
Far too often, the mom finds herself in an awful situation when all the dad’s promises vanish after birth.
One woman came to Reddit seeking advice after finding herself in such a quandary.
The Original Poster (OP) gave birth a few months ago, and her boyfriend’s blatant disregard for her financial well-being has her head spinning.
Before the birth, they had numerous discussions about maternity leave and hospital bills. They agreed that they’d split the bills 50/50 and that she’d take 12 weeks of unpaid leave to both recover from childbirth and care for the new infant.
Cost of Rent not Factored In
Despite their planning, they failed to account for a critical element: Her rent needs to be paid while she’s not working.
She admitted the oversight, saying she assumed that he knew he’d have to pay it because she wouldn’t be working. He never considered how she’d pay the bills while recovering from birthing their child.
OP writes that her boyfriend was upset during the rent conversation but ultimately paid three months’ rent for her.
He Refuses To Split the Medical Bills
The medical bills finally arrived, and the boyfriend decided that since he helped pay the rent, he no longer wanted to split the cost of the medical bills.
Of course, he waited until the last minute to inform OP of his unilateral decision, despite multiple conversations during her leave about the bills.
Before the birth, OP’s boyfriend made significantly more money than she did. She reports that he makes six figures, which is three times her annual salary.
At least he did.
He also unilaterally decided to quit his job and focus on building a business when the baby came. He claimed it was to spend more time helping with the baby.
In the comments, OP admits that he’s been spending that time focusing on his own pet projects rather than helping out.
But it sounds like his new company hasn’t been performing to his expectations, at least not yet, as he’s complaining that he can’t afford the medical bills.
OP Wants To Be Supportive
OP’s conflicted. She wants to support his dreams of running his company, but at the same time, they had a deal, and his refusal to contribute leaves her holding the bag.
She feels like the situation is unfair, and her boyfriend is bailing on her at the last minute.
OP came to Reddit wondering if she was wrong for feeling it was unfair.
OP’s Not Wrong, but Her Boyfriend Sure Is
Reddit reassured OP that she’s not wrong but that her boyfriend is displaying some truly worrying behaviors.
“You are poor. You are on the verge of homelessness. Your wealthy boyfriend is refusing to help you support your child together,” stated one user, highlighting OP’s dire situation.
The user added that OP’s boyfriend would likely fight her over every little expense for the baby, from food to diapers to medical care. She needs to file for child support now and get it over with.
On Quitting with a Baby on the Way
Most users were baffled at the boyfriend’s audacity to quit his high-paying job to pursue his dreams with a baby on the way.
“No parents in their right mind would quit their job without a sustainable plan B,” said one. Another said it sounds like he’s trying to avoid child support payments, as he now lacks a stable income.
It’s Worse in the Comments
Sometimes posters leave essential details out of their original story. OP dropped a shocking nugget in the comment about her boyfriend’s behavior.
“He yelled at me for interrupting his REM cycle when I was asking for a break after we first brought baby home,” she shared, adding that this was shortly after the delivery, and she was in pain from the stitches.
Upon seeing OP’s comments, most users advised her to file child support and run. He’s not a partner. He will do everything he can to avoid paying and avoid contributing.
“Figure out how you are going to support yourself and your baby because this guy isn’t it,” advised one user.
This man showed his true colors. OP would be wise to pay attention and escape before she loses her ability to do so.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.