Relationships take work. Partners must help each other and communicate their needs.
Often, one partner gets overburdened while the other gets mad when they’re expected to help.
One woman sought Reddit’s advice when her husband flipped out over being asked to grab some wine.
Husband Invites Guests
The OP explained that her husband invited guests over last minute on a weekday. She works from home but typically gets off around 4 PM.
“(My husband) informed me at 230 today that he invited a couple over for after work,” she began, adding that she met the coworker a few times, but had never met his wife, and they’ve never been to her home.
Guests Offer Food
On the plus side, the guests were gracious enough to bring food to save OP from cooking after work.
“My husband informs me that the couple said they would bring over food. This was perfect for me as I was still working and would honestly scramble a bit to clean and put together dinner by 6,” she shared.
A casual observer may wonder why she’d be responsible for cooking dinner for guests he invited last minute, but her next comment explains that he can’t even handle deciding what food to bring.
“He asks what they should bring, and I was half distracted, and after he asked a few times, I said, “How about something easy like pizza…. We can do pizza and wine,” she finally decided because he couldn’t think for himself.
She Preps for Guests
Upon getting off work, OP begins to prepare their home for company. Her husband doesn’t understand why she’d bother.
“I get off work at about 4:15, and my husband starts by saying “you don’t need to clean for friends to just casually hang out” I explain that I would like to run some bleach in the toilets and a mop on the floor as I don’t know these people and they have never been to our house before,” she said, adding that she wouldn’t put as much effort in for a close friend, but wanted to make a good impression.
Husband Refuses To Help
Although it didn’t sound like OP even asked her husband to help, he ensured she knew he wouldn’t.
“He stated, “Fine, but I am going to sit on the couch and do nothing,” she recounted.
OP went about the cleaning without her husband’s help, but when she got to the wine rack, she realized a slight hiccup in their plan.
They only had three bottles of wine, none of which would pair well with pizza.
She Asks Husband to Get Wine
As she was still cleaning up and knew her husband wouldn’t help, OP asked him if he’d go to the store and grab wine for dinner.
Apparently, this was a ridiculous ask as well.
“He blew up on me about how “we don’t need to spend $100 everytime we have people over or make our house into a showroom,” and he was going to stop inviting people over if it was going to make me like this,” she shared.
Was OP Wrong?
OP said she enjoys having company over but doesn’t like the last-minute invites. She came to Reddit wondering if she was wrong for asking her husband to help with the guests he invited.
“In my book, if you are hosting and the people coming over are providing food, you should at the very least provide drinks,” she stated.
OP is Not Wrong, But Husband Sure Is
Users agreed that OP was perfectly justified in asking for help.
“If my husband blew up at me and said he’d stop inviting people over with just a few hours notice when I was at work, I’d respond, “GOOD! THANK YOU! Stop doing that, especially if you aren’t going to do anything at all to help except give me a headache,” stated one user.
“Basic cleaning before guests, especially new ones, is not ridiculous,” added another.
It’s Worse than Not Getting Wine
Many pointed out that his refusal to get the wine was only the tip of the iceberg.
“Why does he get to look all grandiose issuing the invitation, and then she has to do all the work?” asked one.
“I would be mad as hell if my husband invited people over without okaying with me in the first place,” stated one user. “They are his guests. He’s being lazy and thoughtless. His short fuse is a huge red flag,” they added.
Reddit also highlighted the disparity in how men and women are treated regarding housekeeping, something OP’s husband clearly doesn’t understand.
“What he doesn’t get is because he wasn’t socialize(d) growing up, women will always be judged for the cleanliness of the home!” exclaimed one user.
“They’re largely strangers to the OP, and it’s pretty common when a house is messy to blame the woman. Not right, but common. She has no idea if they’re the type to gossip about how “sloppy and lazy” she is for the house not being clean. I’ve seen it,” responded another.
Husband Needs To Do Better
Although a few people said that OP was wrong and should have let the husband handle everything, most agreed that he needs to step up and do better. Refusing to help tidy up, refusing to help decide the evening’s meal, and blowing up at OP when she asked for his assistance are things he could do better with.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.