Relationships take work, but all too often, the woman bears the brunt of it while men coast by on easy mode.
One woman came to Reddit venting frustration about the disparity in labor between her and her boyfriend.
They Both Work Long Hours
She began by sharing their work schedules to showcase that both put in grueling hours at work.
“We both have demanding jobs that require A LOT of mental attention,” she explained. “Our schedules both vary. Some weeks I work 30 hours; some weeks, I work 60. Same for him.”
She said she tries to do extra around the house on her shorter weeks.
“On the weeks that I work 30, I try to do more around the house and be as present, attentive, and supportive to him as possible.”
But She Also Does More on Her Longer Weeks
Even though she doesn’t have much time during her longer weeks, she still tries to contribute.
“I’m still the one who does all the laundry, does all the dishes, cleans the bathrooms, empties the robot vacuum, and walks the dog 3-4 times a day,” she explained.
It Feels Like Parenting
She shared all the other things she does for this man that make her feel more like his mother than his girlfriend.
“I regularly replace both of our towels, and scrub the sinks, and scrub the shower, and scrub the toilet,” she shared, adding that when she asks him to contribute, he either complains about it or says he will, then never does.
“He complains when I ask him to help me fold laundry. Says he’ll clean the pans after they cool off, and then forgets and leaves for work the next day, and the kitchen is a mess,” she said.
“I am left having to gentle parent him and praise him when he does the absolute minimum.”
They Don’t Even Live Together
OP mentioned that she helps him at her place, but he refuses to lift a finger at hers, and she’s sick of it.
“If I go to his place, he loses his EVER LOVING MIND if I don’t hang the towel correctly or sit on his bed while wearing street clothes,” she exclaimed. “Meanwhile, he can’t even be bothered to toss our used towels in the hamper and get a fresh one for me,” she added.
What Should OP Do?
A frustrated OP came to the popular r/relationships subreddit seeking advice on how to handle the situation.
“He is a very goofy, sweet guy. And I love him BUT G*DD*MN he is selfish and doesn’t even know it. We’ve been together for 2 years,” she said, saying she’s tired of caring for him while getting nothing in return.
Reddit caught on that they didn’t live together and advised OP to stop doing things for her boyfriend at his place and to stop inviting him over if he refuses to help at hers.
“You don’t live together, so stop cleaning his place. If he makes a mess that he refuses to clean when he stays over, don’t have him stay over,” said one.
“If you want to stay together, just date without any sleepovers. At least until he learns to be a considerate guest and not a jerk one,” advised another.
He’s Actually Not Sweet
Many users said OP should look hard at her relationship because her boyfriend doesn’t seem as sweet as she says he is.
“Sooooooo sweet!! Such a sweetheart. Just openly and happily using her labor to cushion his laziness,” mocked one user.
“This man isn’t sweet; he’s a parasite,” stated another.
“How low is the bar that someone classified as “very sweet” never thinks about anyone other than himself?” asked a third. “It’s easy to say nice things and be in a jolly mood when you don’t have to do anything that isn’t fun.”
And He’s Selfish
Others pointed out that he is selfish, and despite OP’s protests to the contrary, he does know it.
“You’re wrong. He doesn’t know how selfish he is. He just doesn’t care,” stated one user.
“I love how selfish he is,” replied one user, mocking OP. “So selfish that he takes advantage of my time and my home. I love how he spends half the time at my apartment and won’t contribute in any way.”
“No honey, he’s not a sweet guy,” said a third. “He’s a selfish, immature person who wants you to take care of him.”
He Won’t Change
Reddit agreed OP’s boyfriend wouldn’t change. He’s showing her exactly who he is and how he sees their relationship.
Op can either accept it and continue the relationship or leave.
“My ex was like this, and despite many, many attempts and long conversations, he never changed. Your bf would have done it already if (he) wanted to. It will never get better,” said one user.
What Do You Think?
Do you agree with Reddit that OP’s boyfriend is a waste, or do you think she’s ridiculous for expecting his help around her place in the first place?