Some people are so dense that they destroy their own relationships and then come to the internet seeking validation for their terrible behavior.
A popular Reddit subreddit where people come to ask if they are in the wrong for their actions and behavior is a treasure trove of oblivious humans wondering if they were in the wrong for awful behavior.
While enjoying the community, I came across a user so wrapped up in themselves that they couldn’t even show basic decent to their live-in girlfriend, someone they’re supposed to love, cherish, and respect.
OP Hates Girlfriend’s “Chatter”
The original poster (OP) took to Reddit to resolve a conflict with their partner. Apparently, she has interests that she enjoys and loves to talk about, while OP just can’t be bothered.
“My girlfriend (30F) and I (40M) have lived together about one year. I am introverted and keep my interests to myself, while she is excitable and talkative, and likes to gush about her interests. I listen politely, but I just don’t care about most of the topics, and the chatter cuts into my quiet time,” began the OP.
It only gets worse as he continues.
“If I cut her off, she gets dejected and pouts. I explained it comes off as attention-seeking or attempting to impress me, and it helped her cut back on the extraneous details, but she still has her excited outbursts.”
OP set the stage well. He doesn’t want to hear about anything his girlfriend enjoys and has already put her down for talking to him on numerous occasions.
Unfortunately for him, his attempts at stifling her haven’t worked.
OP Belittles his Girlfriend’s Newest Hobby
The OP continued to explain that his girlfriend rediscovered her passion for a favorite video game, Minecraft.
“I’ve listened to her random tidbits, I even humored her when she asked my opinion on her “concept house in creative mode,” he shared, obviously implying he should receive a medal for listening to his life partner talk about something she enjoys.
Things unraveled for him when she dared to bring her hobby up in public.
“Today, while we were out with friends, she happily brought up her Minecraft progress. I teasingly (but honestly) said that at a certain age, Minecraft is a form of regression and shouldn’t be shared so proudly and openly,” he openly admitting saying to his girlfriend.
Shocking no one (except perhaps the OP), he continued to say that his girlfriend “got quiet, the topic changed, but she had that dejected look the rest of the time.”
She Fights Back
The girlfriend showed amazing restraint by waiting until they were alone to broach the topic.
Op shared that when they got home, “she called me a jerk and said I ruined her excitement for the game. She complained that I’m always encouraging her to find new interests and always mocking her choices.”
Of course, he can’t be wrong, so he threw it all back on her and “argued it wasn’t mocking, it’s a common opinion, and I shouldn’t be afraid to share my opinions with her.”
The classic DARVO response got even worse when he used the argument to threaten the security of their relationship and blame her for everything.
“I told her I’m very close to never speaking to her again if she continues to act like this. If her enjoyment is dependent on my opinion, she should just keep her interests to herself.”
Internet Rallies Around Girlfriend
Reddit users were quick to say how horrible OP was to his girlfriend. Many said they hope she leaves him, while others pointed out his abusive behaviors.
“She should break up with you immediately, what a terrible partner you sound like,” said one, adding, “You’re just being needlessly cruel and cloaking it under the guise of honesty.”
Another responded, “She’s excited because she loves you (why, I can’t fathom), and wants to share what excites her with you. And you called her an attention seeking try-hard and belittled her in public, in front of friends,” before calling the OP “horrible, unsupportive and self-centered.”
OP is Abusive and Controlling
A lot of Reddit users caught on to OP’s manipulative and abusive tactics.
“It’s very manipulative as well,” observed one commentor. “He is being incredibly rude to her for no reason (other than because he can) and then when she rightfully gets upset he shames her for being upset.”
The user went on to explain, “He’s being so cruel while trying to make her believe that his response is normal. His response is not normal. This is not normal, nobody treats their partner or even their friends like this. Op is unnecessarily cruel.”
“He told her he’s considering never speaking to her again if she continues to *checks notes* express unhappiness with the way he openly belittled and mocked her in public,” stated another horrified Reddit user.
They added, “The level of emotional abuse that has to already exist in a relationship for one part to say something like that and have it not be the immediate end of things, is just… wow.”
Supportive Partners Listen To Each Other
Many used the opportunity to share that in a healthy relationship, partners listen to each other even when they aren’t as invested in the topic.
“My husband’s biggest hobby is golf. He works in the industry. He talks about it every day. There are few things in this world I find less boring than golf, but I listen and ask questions and let him talk about it as much as he wants because it obviously makes him happy,” shared one user.
“My boyfriend also hates reading, but knows I love the how to train your dragon movies and have been wanting to read the books. For Christmas he got me all 12 books!” added another.
Relationships Should Enhance Your Life
Clearly, this relationship is doomed to fail. OP doesn’t seem to even like his girlfriend, and the internet agrees she can do better.
All too often, people stay in abusive relationships out of fear. Abusers make us think we can’t do any better or gaslight us into believing their horrendous behavior is normal.
There is help. If you feel trapped in an abusive relationship, call the domestic abuse hotline at 800-799-7233.
If someone isn’t treating you right, leave. Relationships should enhance your life, not make it worse. Being alone is far better than being in a relationship with someone who treats us the way OP treats his girlfriend, wouldn’t you agree?
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.