He Bullies His Girlfriend and Can’t Grasp What’s Wrong

Our hobbies give us a break from real life. They transport us to our happy place and allow us to focus on things we enjoy for a minute. 

Generally, we shouldn’t judge the things others enjoy. While people engage in some questionable hobbies, most of the time, these pastimes are just mindless fun and a way to disengage from daily life. 

Some folks feel the need to shame others for their harmless hobbies. One man thought his girlfriend’s hobby was childish and tried to shame her for it in front of all their friends. 

Was he wrong?

Man Discovers Girlfriend’s Hobby

The Original Poster (OP) suspiciously discovered his girlfriend’s hobby after a surprise visit in the middle of the night. 

“The other day, I was out with some mates, and after our night, I was slightly tipsy, and I thought of surprising Sandra (of course, a fake name) as I have keys to her flat. When I got there, I noticed she was asleep on the couch, and her laptop was on the coffee table. She hates sleep mode, so she disabled it, so her laptop was on, not even locked. She had a word document, and it seemed she’s been working on it,” OP began. 

“I caught some words and couldn’t help myself, I started reading. I took the laptop to the kitchen to not wake her up,” he claimed. 

OP Scoffs at Fan Fiction Hobby

To OP’s apparent horror, he discovered a robust fan fiction library on his girlfriend’s laptop. You could feel OP’s disdain for his partner’s hobby as he writes about what he found. 

“Turns out it was romantic fan fiction about one of her favourite tv series: nothing steamy, just some silly, girly, romantic notions kind of bs. You know, the ones teenage girls dream of and then realise no man actually behaves like that. It’s like, “no, Susan, I ain’t touching the small of your back because you’re cute, not catching those harassment allegations,” if you know what I mean.

“I was curious and desired to spy a little bit to see if she’d written more and discovered her accounts on 2 platforms for fan fiction (had no idea those sites were that huge). Anyway, she’s written a lot of them. All cutesy, girly… and some naughty stuff (again, unrealistic, in my opinion),” he shared. 

The Situation Requires a Confrontation

For some inexplicable reason, OP confronted his girlfriend about his discovery. 

“When she woke up in the morning, I confronted her about this, and she was defensive and started going on about privacy and stuff,” he said. 

OP’s True Colors Show

The confrontation led to an argument, where we learn why OP was so upset about the fan fiction. 

“I told her to cut the crap and to admit that she feels dissatisfied about our relationship, and that’s why she’s writing, and I gave her a reality check and said her “soft” men she writes were unrealistic.”

OP can’t imagine a world where his girlfriend has interests outside of him, so he assumes her fiction must relate to their relationship. Even if it did, rather than use her romantic notions to make her happy, he put his foot down and admitted he would never show her the same respect her fictional characters showed women. 

But Wait – It Gets Worse

Sandra rightly shut him down and kicked him out of her apartment. But they had plans the next day with a group of friends, and OP couldn’t let the argument go. 

“Later that day, we were meeting our friends for lunch,” he continued, letting it slip that Sandra was doing her best to ignore him at the meetup. 

He then openly admitted that he was trying to embarrass her in front of their friends. “At some point, we were talking about something, and I mentioned what Sandra writes, hoping that people will laugh.”

OP said that one person did laugh, but to his surprise, everyone else ignored him. Their response confused OP, so he tried to continue the conversation, hoping to get others to agree with his view on Sandra’s “cringe” hobby. 

OP’s Friends Take her Side

Sandra wasn’t having it and escaped to the restroom. His friends told him to leave, but he refused. 

“My friend told me it would be best if I left, but I didn’t want to do so because didn’t do anything bad,” he insisted, oblivious to how poorly his behavior reflected on him. 

His girlfriend (hopefully ex!) also told him off. 

“When Sandra came back, she told me her writing is her private thing, and I’m an a**hole for bringing it up. I told her to grow up and call me when she comes to her senses, but she’s hasn’t called me since.”

Was He Wrong?

Op came to Reddit to find out if he really was in the wrong for the way he handled the situation. Most users agreed he’s a giant jerk. 

One commenter summarized the situation well, showing OP how awful he was. 

“So you see her pc open, take it to another room, and read her stuff. Trivialize her interest in what she’s doing at least 5 times in this post. Make fun of her for it. Project your insecurities in your relationship onto her about how she needs things you’re not giving her (she probably does, you seem like you’re not much fun). Blame her anger with you on her mood swings (women love that),” they stared. “

“You bring it up in front of her friends hoping they will laugh at her. And she is supposed to come to her senses and do what exactly? Tell you her interests are dumb and she’ll stop doing them so that you can… not worry she desires men who don’t treat her like s–? What is it she’s doing wrong here?” they ultimately asked. 

“It’s funny how OP goes off about her writing about soft unrealistic men and how cringeworthy it is she writes fanfiction, when the most cringeworthy thing is how weirdly insecure he got about the whole thing,” replied a different user. 

A third pointed out the apparent misogyny seething behind OP’s words. “If you dislike women so much, you should consider simply not dating them instead of going out of your way to tear down things that people enjoy,” they stated. 

Let People Enjoy Their Hobbies

Far to many people come to Reddit to ridicule their partner’s hobbies, and the majority of the time, they get shut down.  Very few hobbies raise serious red flags, so unless your partner engages in one of these, there’s no reason to even bring it up. 

Source: Reddit

Author: Melanie Allen

Title: Journalist

Expertise: Pursuing Your Passions, Travel, Wellness, Hobbies, Finance, Gaming, Happiness

Melanie Allen is an American journalist and happiness expert. She has bylines on MSN, the AP News Wire, Wealth of Geeks, Media Decision, and numerous media outlets across the nation and is a certified happiness life coach. She covers a wide range of topics centered around self-actualization and the quest for a fulfilling life.