Relationships are give and take. We should expect our partners to help us when we’re in a tough spot; we’re a team, right?
Unfortunately, some folks take it too far and use the “team” mentality to force their partners to do all the work. One woman found herself in this situation when her boyfriend unilaterally quit his job and refused to find another.
He Quits Without Notice
The Original Poster (OP) came to Reddit seeking advice after dealing with her useless boyfriend for nearly a year.
“My boyfriend (33m) quit his job last year without telling me,” she reported. “When I asked, he simply told me he quit because he was tired of working at that place.”
And Doesn’t Attempt To Find a New One
It’s clearly been at least seven months since he quit, and he has no plans for finding a new job. OP said she wouldn’t mind so much if there were a valid reason he couldn’t work, but that’s not the case.
“He spends most of his time playing games, meeting up with friends, or just at home watching movies,” she said.
OP Still Does All the Labor
It gets even worse. When one partner stays home, they should care for the house and do most of the domestic labor, especially when no kids are involved.
But that’s not happening in OP’s case.
“I still have to do all the chores and take care of our dogs,” she said.
In addition, she’s been breaking her back, working to pay the bills, while the boyfriend told his family he was supporting her through school.
“I had to work 2 jobs while going to school for a while, it was hard,” she said, adding, “His family thinks that he’s been working to take care of me so that I can finish school.”
She Was Too Overwhelmed To Leave
OP knew the situation was bad, but she didn’t have the energy to fight between finishing her Ph.D. program, working two jobs, and keeping up with all the household chores.
She graduated school and landed a dream gig that pays her more than enough to support both of them, but when she finally had some breathing room, she realized how awful her situation had become.
“I was very stressed out, but I had to focus on school and tried to do everything I could to survive. I didn’t have time to really think about my personal life, and I also didn’t want to go through any changes in life, so I just let it be,” she admitted.
OP Needs To Leave
OP Came to Reddit, seeking advice.
The answer was unanimous: Leave.
“You break up with him. He’s not a partner- he’s a freaking leach,” said one user.
OP Admits She Stays Out of Guilt
After reading some comments, OP admitted that she stayed out of guilt.
“Everytime I bring up something, he would start talking about how miserable his life is and how I just make it worse. I admit that I stay til now because I feel bad,” she shared.
Reddit pointed out that he’s using her guilt as a manipulation tactic to get her to stay. He doesn’t care. He just knows she will keep supporting him if he acts put out.
She Decides To Leave
OP took the comments to heart and made a plan to leave. She asked her friends to hang out in the parking lot while she told her boyfriend to get out (he’s been staying at her place and isn’t on the lease.)
Before she could even start the conversation, her boyfriend asked her to buy him a car because his friend had just got a new car, and she could afford it. His entitled attitude solidified her decision to end things.
He Turns Abusive
The boyfriend refused to take the breakup like an adult. Instead, he flipped out and started throwing things around. He threatened OP’s dogs and then turned on her, pushing and grabbing her neck.
OP was never more thankful that she thought ahead and staged her friends outside. She called them for help, and they called the police, then rushed inside to her aid.
“The police came. They took him away and told me he wouldn’t be able to come into the apartment anymore,” she said.
OP Thankful to Reddit
OP’s update came two months after the breakup. She returned to express gratitude to the sub for helping her see things clearly and giving her the strength to leave the abusive relationship.
“It was a horrible experience, but it showed me that I’ve done the right thing,” she said, adding, “ I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in years.”
We’re so happy OP escaped and is thriving on her own.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.