Relationships are hard. Although one person may have stronger feelings than the other, both usually love and care about each other.
Unfortunately, one woman, deeply in love with her long-term partner of eight years, overheard a horrifying and shocking truth about their relationship and didn’t know how to move on.
The Rocky Start
The Original Poster (OP) began by sharing she’s been with her partner for eight years, but they’ve known each other for ten. They were just friends for the first two years because he was in love with another mutual friend.
After the friend started dating someone else, he apparently got over his feelings. He and OP got together and developed a mutual, loving relationship.
Or so she thought.
She Throws Suprise Party
His birthday was fast approaching, and he told OP that he’d always wanted a surprise party, as he never experienced one before.
She went to planning! OP spent the week arranging the food, guests, and an excuse for him to be out of the house before the party.
“I worked all week before Saturday (his birthday), planning and inviting people, getting reservations, buying a cake, etc. I asked his best friend to hang out with him for most of the day so that I could set up and get everyone to get here and hide for the surprise,” she said.
He seemed to love the surprise, smiling and enjoying the occasion.
A Secret Conversation
During the party, he wandered off with his best friend. When it came time to cut the cake, OP looked for them.
She heard their voices as she wandered down the hall and froze in shock from what the conversation revealed.
He’s Still in Love with the Other Friend
OP’s boyfriend complained about his relationship with OP and his unrequited love. He said awful things about her; he’s disgusted waking up next to her; she’s not as attractive as the friend; he wishes the other girl would have thrown the surprise party, and so on.
“He said that he felt disgusted every time he had to kiss me or hold me because he knew that our mutual friend should be in his arms instead,” reported a devastated OP.
Where Do We Go From Here?
OP fled back to the party, leaving them to their conversation. She put on a happy face for the rest of the night, refusing to let anyone know what she had heard.
She came to Reddit seeking advice, not on breaking up because she doesn’t want to do that, but on how to make her boyfriend love her.
Despite OP’s insistence that she wants to salvage the relationship, Reddit warned against it.
If he doesn’t love her after eight years, he will never love her. Staying in the relationship will waste even more of her time.
“You cannot make someone love you, and someone who loves you will NEVER say the things you heard,” stated one user.
“If you try to force this relationship, he is going to start resenting you because he feels stuck with you. You seem like a wonderful person, and you deserve much better than this guy,” offered another.
Plan Your Escape
Others warned OP against confronting him, saying he’d manipulate the situation to make her stay, not because he loves her, but because he’s comfortable in the relationship.
“He’ll weasel (his) way out of it because breaking up with OP is an inconvenience, and it’s easier to say everything she wants to hear than own it,” explained one user.
“I’d quietly find my own place, refuse any advances, and if he questioned why just say, “I’d hate for you to be disgusted.” And be gone the next day,” shared another.
OP Needs Some Self Respect
Many users wondered why OP would want to stay with someone who clearly despises her. Some advised therapy to help her understand why she doesn’t believe she deserves love.
Everyone agreed the boyfriend is awful, and once OP can see beyond the heartbreak and gain clarity on the situation, she’ll agree.
She needs to move on.