Travel broadens our world. It offers fresh perspectives and allows us to see the majesty of nature and human ingenuity. Most people would jump at the chance to take a trip to a bucket list country, but many would have the foresight to discuss it with their long-term partners first.
Not this Reddit poster.
A man took to Reddit wondering if he was wrong for booking a week-long trip without discussing it with his long-term live-in partner.
Japan is Calling
The Original Poster (OP) began by describing his lifelong dream of visiting Japan. “I’m someone who has dreamed of going to Japan for the longest time,” he shared, adding that he’s discussed his desires with his girlfriend for a long time.
“When I got the chance to buy cheap roundtrip tickets, I informed her briefly, but I went ahead and booked for myself,” he explained.
OP doesn’t explain what “informed her briefly” meant but does describe the differences in their financial situations.
“Between us, I’m more capable of traveling because I’m the one who earns more,” he said. “I was actually telling her to come with me a few times, but she told me that she couldn’t afford to travel to Japan yet,” he added.
Long Term Relationship
OP left out some pertinent information in his original post. They’ve been together for five years! While there’s no evidence they live together, many suspected it due to the relationship’s longevity.
Most people could understand booking a solo trip without communication with a partner you’ve been seeing for less than a year. However, after you’ve been together for a while, any big decisions deserve communication.
“I thought maybe they’ve been just dating for a few months (not saying it’s an excuse), but when I saw they’ve been together FIVE years, and he just pulls this. Wow,” exclaimed one user.
OP Should Have Discussed it with his Girlfriend
Unfortunately, OP never clarified what “informed her briefly” really meant. Did he send a text saying he found cheap tickets to Japan, then book without actually telling her he would, or did he say, “I’m booking this, I don’t care if you like it?”
Either way, he booked without allowing her to discuss dates, prior commitments, or even let her consider if there was a way to join.
“Maybe with an actual discussion, you and your girlfriend could have found a way she could go with you. Relationships are meant to be a partnership. You discuss and make decisions like this together. You don’t just book tickets for yourself and say bye bye I’m off for a few weeks/months,” said one user, explaining to OP why he was in the wrong.
“No one in a committed relationship would ever behave this way. Some couples do go on solo trips, but there is always a discussion,” added another.
Reddit is Torn
Many Redditors were torn on the situation. A few said OP did nothing wrong and his girlfriend in immature for being upset.
Most, however, said it’s not that he is taking a solo trip. It’s about how he handled it and how he sees his girlfriend.
“YTA. Not for wanting to travel solo. That’s understandable, and I know many people who traveled solo, even once married. You’re the AH for how you went about it and not having a collaborative discussion,” said one.
Why Doesn’t OP Pay?
Redditors wondered why OP didn’t offer to help pay his girlfriend’s way. He said she didn’t come because she couldn’t afford it and that he makes more than her. Shouldn’t people want to spend time together and help each other out in a committed partnership?
“Could you have helped her pay for it? I mean, you’ve been together 5 years… so you’re obviously serious?” asked one user.
“If you care about someone enough, you want them to have a little fun in their life too. When I was two years into a relationship with my bf he couldn’t afford to go to Greece with me, so I covered what he couldn’t,” added another.
Of course, he’s under no obligation to pay for anyone. Others suggested helping his girlfriend with a savings plan, reducing spending, and a myriad of other things that would help her afford the trip, none of which OP considered.
OP is Selfish
The general consensus is that OP is selfish and not ready for a committed relationship.
“You’ve shown her clearly that your priority is yourself and your own happiness over hers, so don’t be surprised when she acts the same way,” stated one user.
Melanie Allen is an American journalist and happiness expert. She has bylines on MSN, the AP News Wire, Wealth of Geeks, Media Decision, and numerous media outlets across the nation. She covers a wide range of topics centered around self-actualization and the quest for a fulfilling life.