When His Gift To You Is Really a Gift for Him

There’s no better indication that a partner sees you as an extension of himself instead of a whole person than when it’s time for gift-giving. 

Someone who values a partner will think hard about the gift and find something their partner will cherish, or that speaks to their partner’s interests. Someone who doesn’t see their partner as a person but as an NPC (Non-Player Character) in their life will selfishly assume their partner likes whatever they like and get them a gift revolving around their own interests. 

The Homer Bowling Ball

The Simpsons highlighted this phenomenon in the 1990 episode “Life on the Fast Lane” when Homer got Marge a bowling ball for Christmas. Homer loves bowling, but Marge had never stepped into a bowling alley. 

He got the gift for himself, not for her. 

A Common Problem

Though the episode aired 30 years ago, it still resonates today. Far too many people get thoughtless gifts designed for the giver, not the received. 

And usually, the selfish gift giver is a man. 

Her Birthday Surprise

One woman came to the internet seeking guidance after she found herself in this situation. Her boyfriend built the surprise up for weeks, saying how excited he was for this. 

The Original Poster (OP) couldn’t wait to see what a great experience he arranged to celebrate her birthday. 

The day finally came, and he took her to get 3D-printed action figures. She didn’t even get her own figure; her gift was some weird mash-up figure of them together. 

She Doesn’t Like Action Figures

It would be a fantastic gift if OP liked action figures. She doesn’t. 

Her boyfriend, on the other hand, has a massive action figure collection. He’s obsessed. He even bought his own action figure at the 3D modeling place in addition to her mash-up gift. 

She didn’t want it. 

She Feels Ungrateful

Like most women, OP has been socialized to accept any gift with grace and thanks. She’s upset with her boyfriend’s selfish gift but feels guilty about it. Shouldn’t she be happy that he even got her a gift in the first place?

She came to the internet, hoping unbiased users could help her sort out these complicated feelings. 

He Doesn’t Care About You

The internet agreed: OP’s boyfriend doesn’t care about her. 

If someone buys a gift for you with their interest in mind you are irrelevant to this person,” said one user. 

“He bought that for HIMSELF under the guise of buying it for you,” said another. 

His World Revolves Around Him

This type of person is so self-centered that he can’t fathom a different person would have interests outside his own. 

He’s the kind of guy who would insist OP drop her hobbies and dive into his, ask OP to quit her job and move for him regardless of anything she wants, and consider OP his sidekick, not his partner. She exists to enhance his life, not the other way around. 

“It amazes me how many men get their SO a gift that’s really about and for them. They are so selfish,” stated one user. 

“She only exists in relation to him, but he gets his own. Sounds like he wanted an excuse to do this and chose her birthday as the excuse,” added another. 

Don’t Waste Your Time With a Selfish Partner

Giving someone they will enjoy is the bare minimum a good partner can do. Someone who can’t even do that doesn’t deserve your time or attention. 

If someone can’t see past their own desires to give you something you’d like, it’s time to rethink the relationship. 

Source: Reddit