Wife Asking How Much Husband Should Help Misses Critical Idea of Partnership

Many people struggle with changing times. Women who no longer needed marriage to survive entered the workforce and became equal contributors, while men refused to step up at home. 

The domestic labor split is still so drastic that many working mothers don’t even realize a problem exists. They toil and labor at work and home while their husbands relax, reaping the benefits of their never-ending work. 

How Much Should He Help?

One exhausted woman came to Reddit, seeking advice on how much her husband should help at home. 

The Original Poster (OP) shared that they both work full-time while she handles most of the housework and childcare. 

I find myself cleaning the house daily, making dinner, bathing the kids, getting them ready for school,” she shared. 

Husband Doesn’t Take Care of Himself

Meanwhile, her husband creates even more work for her. 

He leaves his clothes on the floor, he’s a lot messier than myself,” she reported, adding that he’ll do things if she asks him to do them but never initiates a task on his own. 

Splitting the Bills

OP also explained that they split the bills fairly equally, though it sounds like she ends up paying more. She said she pays half the rent, the internet, and her own phone bill while he handles the electricity, though he’s often asked her for half. 

She never paid because she also pays for most of the groceries, and she feels it’s unfair that he’d ask her for half the electric bill when she’s already spending so much. 

How To Ask For Help

OP wants her husband to help more but isn’t sure how to approach the conversation. She wanted input from men and women as to how to convince her husband to do more around the house without her having to ask. 

Reframe “Helping”

The top comments explained the insidious internal biases many still have regarding housework. OP’s use of the word “help” highlights the root cause of the issues.

Both OP and her husband see managing the house and caring for the children as OP’s responsibility. 

“My husband does not help me with domestic chores. He lives there too and is an equal contributor to the messes,” said one user. 

He’s Equally Responsible

The best way to get the husband to “help” is for both to realize that it’s not actually helping. He’s not “helping” her with “her responsibilities.” He’s equally contributing to their shared responsibilities. 

He’s a parent, so he should take on equal childcare. He lives in the home, so he should contribute to its cleanliness. He eats dinner and should help cook it and clean it up. 

“My partner pulls his weight just as much as I do because he *****  LIVES here and last time I checked, I haven’t signed up to be a maid,” exclaimed one user. 

A Common Problem

Others pointed out how common this problem is. 

Typically, when a woman gets married and has a family her workload increases by 7 hours a day and when a man marries and has a family his workload decreases by 1 hour per day,” shared one, highlighting the massive workload married women take on. 

Men Need To Step Up

The men who rely on their wives to manage their lives and keep their homes clean must step up. Most of them are perfectly happy to split the financial burden while enjoying a stress-free life at home. 

Women no longer wish to serve men while working full-time jobs, and they’re choosing work over domestic labor, leaving their husbands so they only have to take care of themselves. Men who don’t step up and contribute equally to the household will find themselves doing it all alone. 

Source: Reddit

Author: Melanie Allen

Title: Journalist

Expertise: Pursuing Your Passions, Travel, Wellness, Hobbies, Finance, Gaming, Happiness

Melanie Allen is an American journalist and happiness expert. She has bylines on MSN, the AP News Wire, Wealth of Geeks, Media Decision, and numerous media outlets across the nation and is a certified happiness life coach. She covers a wide range of topics centered around self-actualization and the quest for a fulfilling life.