Men are golddiggers too. Though the phrase often drips with misogyny, men, not women, are often looking for a free ride.
One woman discovered that her boyfriend was actually a parasitic leech after she came to Reddit for relationship advice.
He Stays Over a Lot
The Original Poster (OP) shared that she’s been with her boyfriend for almost a year, and he stays at her house every chance he gets.
“He ended up staying every night & weekend around his job. He lived in a full share house, so he enjoyed coming to mine,” she shared.
OP Showers Boyfriend with Love
At first, OP loved the arrangement, making considerable efforts to show her boyfriend how much she appreciated him.
She went full-on wife mode, doing his laundry, cooking dinner, and cleaning up after him while working full-time and paying her bills.
Mutual – At First
During the honeymoon phase, he showed her love in return. He’d take her out on dates and bring home little gifts like flowers.
However, his affection slowly tapered off. He stopped planning dates, and the flowers and gifts became fewer and fewer until they stopped altogether.
Of course, he expected her to continue caring for his needs.
“He’d come over & ask “What’s for dinner?” Every night. Or “Have you washed my clothes?” OP shared.
He Won’t Contribute
OP tried to keep up with his demands and massive appetite but saw her savings dwindle as she attempted to provide for both of them, and he didn’t even attempt to pitch in.
“He’d take food to work with him for lunch. & help himself when he was hungry. I’d have to go shopping more frequently. When we did shop together, he would throw snack items for himself in my cart, knowing I’d pay for it,” she explained.
But Guilts Her Into Paying
He complained when OP tried to save her budget, calling her a cheapskate if she dared put his snacks back or create a grocery list that would ease her burden.
“He was aware that I had a weekly budget for all my expenses but still made comments,” she shared, adding that he rarely contributed to the food he ate. “The only way he ever bought groceries was if I requested he pick something up for me.”
He Feels Entitled To Her Savings
Op shared that she’s not in dire financial straits. She has a hefty savings, which he’s well aware of.
“I think he thinks because I have savings, it doesn’t matter,” she said.
Boyfriend is the Worst in Other Ways Too
It’s not just about paying for food. OP said he always takes long hot showers at her place and leaves the lights on like it’s nothing, driving up her utility bills.
He’s also a mess.
“He’d leave his clothes, mess & dishes around. Instead of helping tidy up, he’d watch me stress clean the home whilst he sat on his phone. He wouldn’t even offer to do the dishes after I bought & made dinner,” complained OP.
Better, Then Worse Again
OP said that his behavior improved after a short break and many long discussions. He contributed, paid for groceries, cooked, and cleaned.
After a few months, she thought everything was better, so she took the plunge and moved him in.
Unfortunately, it seemed like this was the permission he was waiting for to stop contributing. Soon after officially moving in, he reverted to his old ways.
What To Do?
OP is at her wit’s end.
“I try talking to him about it, but it doesn’t go anywhere,” she said, adding that she even offered to cook and clean if he’s just help with the groceries, but he won’t even do that.
Oh – He Makes More and Is Five Years Older
OP initially shared that he’s 28, and she’s only 23. A five-year age gap isn’t much, but a 28-year-old should know how to contribute to the household.
But at the end of the long post, OP shared an even juicier tidbit: He makes twice as much as her, so he’s been able to save a ton of money while using OP to subsidize his life.
What Should She Do?
OP came to Reddit asking for advice on how to set boundaries and get him to contribute, but Reddit users told her he wasn’t worth the effort.
You Have A Mooch
“You have a mooch, not a boyfriend,” said the top-rated comment. “This isn’t a simple issue of him overlooking what you do for him or something. He is outright using you.”
“At this point, I would not even give him the opportunity to fix things,” said another. “He ‘got better’ once before but dropped the ball as soon as possible.”
OP Needs Some Self Respect
OP sprinkled lots of evidence of her low self-esteem throughout her post. She mentioned feeling awkward asking for financial help or accepting money. She also shared that he manipulated her by telling her that his previous relationship was the opposite and he felt taken advantage of, so she made great efforts to make him feel comfortable.
Many users caught onto the low self-esteem and advised that she work on herself and get comfortable being single before attempting a relationship.
“Obviously, what you’re doing isn’t working, so stop what you’re doing, stay single for a while, and figure out why are you’re setting yourself up for failure. Talk to a therapist If possible, and definitely look for the books recommended here,” advised one user.
“I’m going to recommend therapy for you because you worry me,” said another. “This didn’t just magically happen. At every juncture, you dove under his feet to make yourself a doormat.”
We Hope OP Gets Healthy
OP clearly has some learning to do about what a healthy relationship is and how to set healthy boundaries. We hope she ditches the leech and gets the help she needs.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.