Are you boring?
I mean no offense, but most of us kind of are (yes, even me).
There’s not even anything wrong with being boring; I’m happy in my boring average life.
But I don’t want to come across as boring when meeting new people, and I’m sure you don’t either.
The good news is we can stop being boring (or at least make ourselves seem interesting!).
How To Not Be Boring (When Meeting New People)
When you’re talking to a new friend, do they look like they’d rather be anywhere else?
They might yawn, stare into space, or nod politely, but you know they don’t want to be talking to you.
Sometimes the problem is them – they’re just plain rude.
Sometimes the problem is you – you’re kinda boring.
We can help with that.
We scoured the internet to uncover the biggest social faux pas that make folks seem boring – and what to do instead.
No Bounce Back
Conversations should be back and forth.
Boring folks don’t pick up the paddle and return the conversation. Talking to them is like throwing a ball into the void. No matter what you tell them, it sinks into some sort of black hole, never to be mentioned again.
To be a better conversationalist, hit the ball back, even if it’s a subject you don’t know anything about. Share a related story or ask a question.
I know what you’re going to say. “Melanie, I don’t care one lick about the subject this person brought up.”
So what?
Remember it’s not about the subject; it’s about the person. You can show the person they matter by giving them at least a few seconds of bounce back before changing the subject.
Incompatibility
Okay, I’ll admit it. Sometimes folks simply aren’t compatible. That doesn’t make either person boring; it just means their balls don’t fit.
If your conversation partner is endlessly droning on about something you don’t care about, you can only throw the ball back so many times.
If they don’t want to take the hint that it’s not your cup of tea, it might be better to say a polite goodbye.
Waiting To Talk
Do you listen to what other people are saying, or do you wait your turn to speak?
Some folks don’t care about what others say; they just want to wax poetic about their topic du jour. If that’s you, it probably comes across, and folks may think you’re a bore.
To stop being boring, engage with others by really listening to what they say.
Respond to their words, story, and experience instead of sharing the speech you’ve been silently preparing in your head.
Lack of Curiosity
Curious people ask questions. They crave knowledge and want to learn more about everything around them.
A lack of curiosity shows itself in a refusal to ask questions or even talk about a topic you’re unfamiliar with. And it makes you boring.
Rather than freezing, ignoring, or changing the subject, lead with curiosity. Ask about the topic. Learn from the person who cares about it.
You may discover it’s not for you, but how will you know that before you learn anything about it?
No Imagination
Imagine coming up with a fantastic new idea. You’re so excited that you share it with all your friends.
Of course, there’s this one guy who completely lacks imagination, so instead of sharing your excitement, he’ll come up with thousands of reasons why it won’t work.
Folks who do this all the time are conversation destroyers. They lack creativity, and instead of trying to develop it, they tear others down.
It might not be boring, exactly, but if you do this all the time, I guarantee nobody will want to share their fun ideas with you.
Single Interests
There’s no bigger sign that a single interest is your entire personality than when you can’t talk about anything else. It makes you boring, especially at parties that don’t revolve around your special interest.
Do you remember the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Howard found a way to make every conversation about his journey to space? Nobody wanted to talk to him anymore.
A lot of people do this, and they aren’t even astronauts! Any attempts to change the subject are met with awkward silence or twisted attempts to redirect to the topic of interest.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to obsess over the things you love. However, if you want to learn how to not be boring, you need to realize that everyone doesn’t share your obsession, and you need to be open to discussing things other people enjoy too.
Stop talking so much and ask other people about what they love.
Unoriginal
Have you ever talked with someone whose opinions were formed entirely by someone or something else?
It’s tedious!
Although you’re not required to have an opinion on any given topic, you should be able to form your own views on various things with a little critical thinking.
Those who can’t seem to form an opinion on anything and only parrot back the opinions of others get boring fast.
Pearl Clutchers
Folks who stifle others are usually really boring themselves.
They want everyone around them to be prim and proper; scoffing at funny quips, silly behavior, and outfits that highlight even the slightest hint of personality.
These pearl clutchers judge others for the simple act of being true to themselves.
If you’re looking down on folks for letting their weird sides shine, or subtly judging folks because their behavior deviates from social norms (in harmless ways – judge away when folks harm others for fun!), you’re probably pretty boring.
Don’t douse the flames of happy people just because you’re miserable. Instead, learn from them. Embrace the silly things that make life joyful.
And if you don’t agree, at least live and let live.
It’s All About You
Even interesting people get stale when they can’t shut up about themselves. Others get bored quickly when you make yourself the topic of every conversation.
I get it, you just had a fantastic adventure, and you want to share. Go for it!
But when you’re done, let others have their turn in the spotlight.
No Passion
Even the blandest person on the planet will light up when they talk about the things they love.
People with no passion have nothing to light up about.
But there’s hope. To not be boring, you simply have to find your passion. And I promise, you have one, even if you don’t know it yet.
We can help.
We created an epic DIY coaching packet to help you find your passion. The journey will at least give you something to talk about so you’re not boring!
Intentional Lack of Experience
People who dig themselves into a cozy little corner of the world and never venture outside of it are boring.
If you don’t have any real-world experience, conversations can be tedious. If you have no friends, haven’t traveled, have no hobbies or interests, what do you even talk about?
And a lot of people do it intentionally.
They go to work, come home, turn on the tube, and waste their lives away.
I guess you could talk about the latest episode of whatever, but with the turn away from monoculture, it’s unlikely that others have watched the same show.
You can’t hide yourself away from the world and expect to be interesting. Life is a treasure, and you should spend time cultivating real-world experiences, going on adventures, meeting new people, and trying new things.
Those adventures will give you an arsenal of fascinating things to talk about.
Constant Complaining
People want to enjoy life; they don’t want to talk to someone constantly bringing down the vibe.
If you can’t enjoy anything without finding the negatives, you’re probably boring.
Stop being a negative Nancy and look at the positive side of things. If that’s impossible, remember what your mom used to say: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Nobody wants to be around a whiner.
Don’t Know Nothing
Boring people don’t seek knowledge. They’re blissfully ignorant about everything.
They don’t follow the news, so they have no idea what’s happening in the world. They don’t read, watch movies, or listen to music. You can’t talk about science, literature, or history because they’re clueless.
What do you talk about with someone who doesn’t know about anything?
If you don’t want to be boring, cultivate general knowledge about a wide range of topics. Read the newspaper so you know what’s happening. Pick up a book every now and again. Be aware of what’s happening in your community.
The more you know, the more you’ll have to talk about, and the more interesting you will be.
Unable to Make it Compelling
I’ve had tons of amazing adventures. I’ve traveled to over 20 countries on four continents, lived in five different states, hiked national parks, seen ancient ruins, met tons of people, read hundreds of books, and yet I struggle to not be boring in conversation.
My biggest problem? As a slightly autistic person, my stories lean towards the factual. I’ll be like, “This is the thing that happened.” I struggle to make it compelling.
I’ve learned that talking with people is kind of like writing a story. You need to build up to a climax with a tension-building rising action sequence. Build some suspense, maybe a bit of intrigue.
Dry
My other issue is that my factual stories lack emotion. Nobody wants to hear a dry, emotionless tale about how I went to Cambodia and saw an old temple. They don’t want to know some dry statistic I read about a thing.
They want to know how it made me feel and feel it with me. They want to know what the statistic means and how it impacts them.
People who share dry facts without any context, intrigue, or relation to the person they’re talking to are boring.
Yes, I am boring because I do this, but I’m working on it!
Cultivate an Interesting Life to Stop Being Boring
Most of you can stop being boring by cultivating an interesting life. Everything you do, learn, and try will give you something fun to talk about with new people.
Those of you who are dry like me might need to cultivate a little charisma to be less boring, but I’ve been getting better, so I have faith that you can too.
Here’s to one less boring conversation and a step toward making new friends!