Society loves to push women into cages that don’t benefit them. From birth, women are socialized to want children, become caretakers, and put everyone else’s needs above their own. Marriage is celebrated as the epitome of accomplishment for women, while single women get derided for daring to enjoy life on their own.
Is it true?
Ask Single Childfree Women
To discover the truth, you’d have to ask single childfree women. But one person came to the internet to do just that. A younger woman (27) who is starting to question society’s life script came to Reddit to ask her elders who remained childfree and single how their lives turned out.
They delivered with over 500 comments highlighting their experiences with relationships, the desire for children, and wrestling with what they’re “supposed to do.”
Remember – It Was a Different Time
However, we can’t get a full idea of what these women went through without appreciating how they grew up. The women questioned here are in their fifties at the earliest, and many are older. They entered adulthood in the 60s and 70s, just as women were winning rights to work outside the home and to control their own reproduction.
Society limited women back then far more than it does now, and it was exceedingly difficult for women during this time to choose singledom and a childfree life. The idea that a woman’s role was in the home was pervasive – many women didn’t even realize they had a choice.
Many Did It, Though
Despite the challenges, many did it. They scoffed at society’s notion of what a woman should do and paved the way for many of the choices younger women enjoy today (which are eroding before our eyes.)
These single childfree women made the choice when it was a lot harder than it is now.
Here’s what they say about choosing their own path in life.
No Regrets
A common refrain against women who wish to remain childfree is that they’ll regret it in the future when they no longer have the choice.
Most women said they have no regrets or wistful feelings about the “what ifs” of children. Some enjoy being aunts, others love their freedom, and a few simply enjoy solitude.
Lack for Nothing
Many shared that not having children allowed them the financial security to do and have anything they wanted. One even has two craft rooms in her house, while many spend their money on travel and adventure.
Time and Energy
The single childfree women on the thread have an overabundance of time and energy. They can pursue their dreams, head off to exotic locals at a moment’s notice, and spend their precious free time pursuing their passions.
Some women are childfree but not single, and they shared that they have extra time to invest in their relationships.
Someone To Take Care of You
Many women mentioned the common refrain that you must have children to have someone to care for you.
They also noted that having a child is no guarantee of that. Most of the elderly people wasting away in nursing homes have kids that never visit.
Caring for Parents
A lot of the women saw things from the other side. As the only “women” in their families, they cared for ailing parents. The experience made them realize that having a child just so you have someone to care for you is selfish, and they decided not to do it.
On the flip side, some are thankful they chose the single childfree life because it gave them the ability to care for their sick parents. One woman shared that she spent a lot of time navigating the healthcare system when her parents faced medical emergencies. Though she does worry that she won’t have the same help, she also understands that having kids is no guarantee.
It Just Never Happened
Some shared that they wanted kids, but it didn’t happen. They couldn’t find a decent partner or waited too long, and the ship sailed. Although most found happiness in their lives, a few who desperately wanted children expressed sorrow that it never happened.
However, even most of these women expressed gratitude for their current lives. One said she married a man with two grandkids and became the fun grandma without ever having to be a parent, and she loves it. Others said they found happiness elsewhere, like in a career or hobbies.
Great Careers
Women without children embarked on fantastic careers. Although there’s still a motherhood penalty today, working mothers struggled immensely in the 70s and 80s. It was nearly impossible to climb the ladder as a mother.
Childfree women were free to pursue their passions, and many enjoyed long, fulfilling careers.
Fantastic Friendships
Women scoff at the idea that singledom equals loneliness. Most women who decided against marriage and children cultivated fabulous friendships that met all their social needs.
They live full active lives surrounded by friends and are far from lonely.
So Thankful
Some women watched their sisters struggle through the burdens of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood and thanked their lucky stars it wasn’t them.
Being Alone is Better
Far too many people stay with partners they can’t stand for fear of being alone. However, many women said being alone is fantastic, and they’d never cohabitate with a partner unless he can immeasurably improve their lives.
Many divorced women say the same: It’s far easier to be alone than live with someone who won’t help around the house.
These women love their lives. They’ve released themselves from the burden of taking care of everyone else.
They’re Happy
Most single childfree women in their fifties and beyond live happy lives of fulfillment. They have the money to do whatever they want and don’t have to worry about anyone else’s schedules. They live their lives on their own terms and wouldn’t change it for the world.
I’m a Older Childfree Woman Too!
I got married in my 40s, so I’m not single, but I am childfree. I’ve known since my early 20s that I didn’t want kids.
However, I’m a generation younger than most of the women who’ve commented. I still technically could have kids if I wanted (that ship is sailing fast – and I’m okay with it!). But more importantly, I didn’t grow up with the message that my life should be dedicated to motherhood.
Women of my generation grew up in the era of girl power, lean in, and having it all. We had a handful of childfree celebrity role models. Our parents told us we could be anything we wanted – whether we chose motherhood or not.
I think I was even luckier. My parents never pushed parenthood on me. They were always honest about the trials and tribulations of parenthood, and insisted I go to college before even thinking about having kids.
As a result, I didn’t grow up with a rose-colored view of motherhood.
And guess what? I’m happy. My life is great. I agree with most of the single childfree women here – I have a great career, financial security, wonderful friends, fulfilling hobbies, and can do whatever I want whenever I want.
I’m living the good life and have no regrets.
You Get to Choose!
None of this is to say that having children is a bad choice. A lot of women long for children and love motherhood. If that’s you – please have children!
However, for so long, society has pushed it as the only choice, and we’re only recently discovering the broad range of options available.
Women who want children should absolutely have them, but women who don’t want them can find an abundance of happiness elsewhere. Many happy older women don’t have kids, and many do.
On the Fence About Having Children?
Despite all the pressure to procreate, it’s perfectly valid not to want kids. Millennials and younger generations are opting out of parenthood at record rates.
Here are their top reasons for not wanting kids.
What about Marriage?
We focused on the childfree aspect of single, childfree women more than the single aspect, but there’s a lot of similarities. Many women get married because they’re brainwashed to believe finding a man is their ultimate life goal. Then, after the honeymoon phase, they realize they tied themselves to an incompetent manchild who can’t take care of himself.
As divorce becomes more socially acceptable, more and more women are walking away from their marriages and happier for it.
Marriage is great when both partners contribute, but most women would rather remain single than stay in an unequal partnership.
Source: Reddit