One person’s romance is another person’s creep-fest. Toxic behaviors are often romanticized in film and literature, making it hard for some to distinguish between creepy and romantic behaviors.
One woman came to the internet to find out if she was wrong for being creeped out by something her partner labeled “Romantic.”
He Finds and Sends Surveillance Footage
The Original Poster (OP) shared that she enjoys walking through the indoor botanical garden located near her home. One day, she told her boyfriend she was there and got a really creepy response.
“He texted me several photos that made me feel uncomfortable,” she said. “The photos were stills from security footage from cameras around the mall. The pictures were me at a coffee shop, walking, and working on my laptop.”
OP added that her partner doesn’t work in cybersecurity or any related field, and she has no idea how he got the images.
She Tells Him Not To Do It Again
OP graciously gave her partner another chance. Rather than flipping out and breaking up, as many of us would, she simply texted him not to do it again.
“Receiving these pictures made me feel weird, and I sent him a direct message saying to not do it again,” she said, adding that it was an awkward situation that they didn’t discuss further.
Months Later, it Comes Up Again
Months later, OP said she was conversing with her partner about how she felt that issues in their relationship lingered unresolved.
She used the security surveillance incident as an example.
“I brought that up as an example of something that upset me and was never addressed. I told him it wasn’t cute and felt invasive,” she shared.
He Flips Out
Rather than address the concern, her partner flipped out, telling OP she was crazy for feeling upset.
“He told me that by sending him a direct text that day saying not to do it again, that I had “lost my sh*t” on him just to make him seem like a creep, and I was “delusional” for being upset,” she recounted.
OP said that her partner also told her he had brought up the situation with his friends, and they all agreed with him that sending the pictures was cute and she was just being harsh for no reason.
OP Wonders if She’s Wrong
Her partner’s obvious gaslighting has OP wondering if she was wrong to be creeped out. She came to Reddit seeking unbiased opinions on the situation.
It should be noted that OP is 28, and her partner is nearly twice her age, 49.
I’ll Be Watching You
The confusion may arise from the popularity of the Police’s “Every Breath You Take.” Some consider the song romantic and even use it as a wedding song, much to the band’s confusion.
Sting literally said it’s a creepy song about a creepy stalker.
Why society romantic stalking, which is actually dangerous and terrifying, I’ll never understand.
No World Where this Behavior is Romantic
OP’s story left Reddit flabbergasted. How anyone could possibly think sending surveillance footage is anything but creepy was beyond them.
“What he did is straight-up stalking, Idk why you are still with him,” said one.
“I’m not even sure how his intentions could be interpreted as cute. What’s cute about saying ‘I can see you, wherever you go’?” asked another.
“Some men get off on making women feel scared, and on the feeling of being in control of their partner when they upset her, scare her, and then tell her she’s overreacting,” remarked a third, adding that the boyfriend sounds like the type.
OP Needs to Run
Others pointed out that the partner’s behavior is emotionally abusive and said OP needs to leave.
“Your boyfriend is old enough to be your father, stalking you, and gaslighting you when you feel uncomfortable,” stated one user. “RUN!” they added.
“This situation is not normal, and it’s likely not safe,” said another. “Please take care of yourself and get away from this guy. This is not normal, and it is very concerning.”
“A man that’s nearly twice your age sends you stalkery photos, and you want to know if you’re the problem? Your only problem is naivete. Ditch this creep,” advised a third.
No Question on Creepiness
Although romance is often in the eye of the beholder, this situation has none of it. Stalking your partner in any way is creepy, but the surveillance footage adds another layer of horror.
Anyone in their right mind should run from someone who does this, don’t you think?
And the Gaslighting Makes it Worse
The creepy stalking is reason enough to end the relationship, but his reaction makes it 100X worse.
Accusing her of “losing her sh*t” is a classic DARVO response (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) that abusers use to shift blame from themselves onto the victim. He wasn’t wrong for stalking; she’s wrong for being creeped out by his stalking! How dare she call him a creep!
It’s a way to control the narrative and stop the victim from addressing the real problem.
The way he told her she’s delusional and all his friends agree is classic gaslighting, making her question her reality by claiming everyone else disagrees with her.
Escape the Abuse
We hope that OP leaves him and escapes this abusive situation. We also hope her story can highlight some abusive behaviors, and give anyone else in a similar position the jab they need to get out.
If you or anyone you know is in a potentially dangerous relationship, contact the domestic violence hotline. They can help. 800-799-7233