One person’s romance is another person’s creep-fest. Toxic behaviors are often romanticized in film and literature, making it hard for some to distinguish between creepy and romantic behaviors.
One woman came to Reddit to find out if she was wrong for being creeped out by something her partner labeled “Romantic.”
He Finds and Sends Surveillance Footage
The Original Poster (OP) shared that she enjoys walking through the indoor botanical garden at the mall near her home. One day, she told her boyfriend she was there and got a really creepy response.
“He texted me several photos that made me feel uncomfortable,” she said. “The photos were stills from security footage from cameras around the mall. The pictures were me at a coffee shop, walking, and working on my laptop.” OP added that her partner doesn’t work in cybersecurity or any related field, and she has no idea how he got the images.
She Tells Him Not To Do It Again
OP graciously gave her partner another chance. Rather than flipping out and breaking up, as many of us would, she simply texted him not to do it again.
“Receiving these pictures of made me feel weird, and I sent him a direct message saying to not do it again,” she said, adding that it was an awkward situation that they didn’t discuss further.
Months Later, it Comes Up Again
Months later, OP said she was conversing with her partner about how she felt that issues in their relationship lingered unresolved.
She used the security surveillance incident as an example.
“I brought that up as an example of something that upset me and was never addressed. I told him it wasn’t cute and felt invasive,” she shared.
Partner Flips Out
Rather than address the concern, her partner flipped out, telling OP she was crazy for feeling upset.
“He told me that by sending him a direct text that day saying not to do it again, that I had “lost my sh*t” on him just to make him seem like a creep, and I was “delusional” for being upset.” she recounted.
OP said that her partner also told her he had brought up the situation with his friends, and they all agreed with him that sending the pictures was cute and she was just being harsh for no reason.
OP Wonders if She’s Wrong
Her partner’s obvious gaslighting has OP wondering if she was wrong to be creeped out. She came to Reddit seeking unbiased opinions on the situation.
It should be noted that OP is 28, and her partner is nearly twice her age, 49.
No World Where this Behaviour is Romantic
OP’s story left Reddit flabbergasted. How anyone could possibly think sending surveillance footage is anything but creepy was beyond them.
“What he did is straight-up stalking, Idk why you are still with him,” said one.
“I’m not even sure how his intentions could be interpreted as cute. What’s cute about saying “I can see you, wherever you go”?” asked another.
“Some men get off on making women feel scared, and on the feeling of being in control of their partner when they upset her, scare her, and then tell her she’s overreacting,” remarked a third, adding that the boyfriend sounds like the type.
OP Needs to Run
Many others pointed out that the partner’s behavior is emotionally abusive and said OP needs to leave.
“Your boyfriend is old enough to be your father, stalking you, and gaslighting you when you feel uncomfortable,” stated one user. “RUN!” they added.
“This situation is not normal, and it’s likely not safe,” said another. “Please take care of yourself and get away from this guy. This is not normal, and it is very concerning.”
“A man that’s nearly twice your age sends you stalkery photos, and you want to know if you’re the problem? Your only problem is naivete. Ditch this creep,” advised a third.
No Question on Creepiness
Although romance is often in the eye of the beholder, this situation has none of it. Stalking your partner in any way is creepy, but the surveillance footage adds another layer of horror.
Anyone in their right mind should run from someone who does this, don’t you think?
If you or anyone you know is in a potentially dangerous relationship, contact the domestic violence hotline. They can help. 800-799-7233
This post was inspired by a Reddit Thread.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.