At one point in the not-too-distant past, folks could have political disagreements while remaining friends and even lovers.
But as America’s political divide grows ever wider, that’s no longer the case. Today’s political ideals now provide an in-depth view of a person’s values, and a large group of people are horrified at what they see from the other side.
They no longer want to engage with folks on the other side of the aisle, even as friends, and they definitely don’t want to date people with differing political views.
Women Don’t Want To Date Conservatives
Nowhere is this more apparent than in the world of online dating, where more and more women refuse to date conservative men.
Women’s massive preference for liberal men led to a terrifying trend on dating apps: Wokefishing, where conservative men pretend to hold liberal views because they know women will reject them for their true political beliefs. These men think that if they can play the game long enough, the woman will eventually like them enough to accept their politics, and maybe she’ll even change her own views.
Men looking for anything more than casual are bound for disappointment, as women have no problem ending a relationship over what they consider incompatible beliefs.
Ending a Marriage Over Politics
Some women will even end marriages over their spouse’s political views. One woman came to a popular internet forum seeking advice on ending a 15-year marriage due to her husband’s descent into political conservatism.
The Original Poster (OP) shared that her husband has been radicalized. He was against Trump in 2016 but drank the Kool-Aid and is now anti-vaccine, pro-Tucker Carlson, and dismissive of his wife’s political views.
He tells her, “The only reason I dislike Trump is because of propaganda,” although she’s always been politically engaged. She says, “For the first time in 15 years, I feel like our morals/beliefs are too diverged.”
Is Divorce the Answer?
OP doesn’t want to throw 15 years of marriage down the drain, but she believes her husband has morphed into someone unrecognizable. However, she can’t get over the old refrain that people can love each other despite politics, even though that was back when “politics” was about how to spend tax money, not whether women are people.
“Can a marriage be saved when ideals are so different?” she asks. “ I am sick at the thought of throwing away the life we’ve built together. But I’m equally sick at the thought of being with someone who doesn’t consider misogyny and bigotry deal breakers,” she adds.
Political Beliefs Reflect Personal Beliefs
Any reason is a good reason for divorce. If you don’t want to be with someone anymore, you shouldn’t stay.
Political differences are an even better reason for ending a relationship, as political beliefs tend to reflect core values and ideals.
They Aren’t Actually “Political” Differences
Though the right wing tries to frame many issues as political, the truth is these differences are anything but.
A discussion on whether science is real isn’t “political.” Arguing over whether certain people deserve human rights isn’t “political.”
These “opinions” reflect something far more profound.
“These aren’t political differences, they’re massive moral failings on his part,” said one user. “His glaring character flaws are literally dangerous to the people around him.”
“Misogyny and racism are not political opinions,” added another. “They are (dangerous) prejudices. Is one of your children a daughter? Is your husband safe to be around her, with his opinions?” they asked.
Not the Man She Married
Many users told OP the man she married is gone. He went down the fascist rabbit hole, and there’s little chance of the man she once loved ever reappearing.
“Eject, eject, you’ve lost your husband!” exclaimed one user.
OP Isn’t The First, and Won’t Be the Last
The toxic political climate destroyed many marriages, as women refuse to remain tied to men who espouse views claiming they aren’t people. Women want autonomy, respect, and equality, while these men want to thrust them into domestic servitude.
Walkaway Wife syndrome is only a minor symptom of the bigger problem. As men dig their heels in and become more radicalized, women decide they’re better off alone.
For the men, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Their hatred for women seeps into everything, and the women who see it don’t want anything to do with them. As they become lonelier and less attractive(due to their horrific views), their hatred for women grows, and they’re more likely to support horrific policies that endanger a woman’s personhood.
How To Change It?
It’s nearly impossible to deradicalize people who have fallen into the rabbit hole. However, there are things we can do.
Raise Boys to Be Better
The most important thing society can do is raise its boys to be better.
Stop with the boys-will-be-boys attitude. Teach boys to regulate themselves like girls are expected to control themselves. Teach children consent, teamwork, collaboration, and empathy.
Our society will improve if we stop teaching young boys that they’re better than women and entitled to a woman’s labor and affection.
Fix Society
Radicalization never happens in a vacuum. A thriving society won’t turn to hatred.
Though liberals would prefer to blame all men’s actions on misogyny, the truth is that worsening economic conditions play a massive role.
Men wouldn’t be so angry if they could afford life. They wouldn’t fall into easy fixes for their miserable lives if their lives weren’t so miserable. The right-wing media provides easy solutions to complex social problems, and it’s easy to see why those solutions seem so attractive to those with few other options.
Society needs to change. We need to provide better economic prospects to all through high-paying jobs, affordable housing, access to medical care and education, and a higher standard of living.
If we can achieve that, we can go back to arguing over tax policy and pizza toppings, rather than whether certain people deserve human rights, and we’ll all be better off.