If you want to be in a healthy relationship of any kind, whether a friendship, romantic partnership, or even work relationship, you need to show that you’re the type of person others want to be around.
Off-putting behavior instantly puts you in the “nope” category, even for those who might have been interested at first glance.
What is Off-Putting Behavior?
Off-putting behaviors are actions or mannerisms that give others pause.
Imagine having a conversation with someone new. Things are going smoothly, then you do or say something, and you notice their entire demeanor changes. They make an excuse and walk away.
You did something off-putting, even if you’re not sure what it was.
Off-Putting Behaviors to Avoid if You Want Friends
If you’re confused about what you said or did that turned them off, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve scoured the internet to discover off-putting behavior that makes others cringe.
These mannerisms serve as waving red flags of future toxicity, warning us to stay away, and some folks don’t even realize they’re doing it.
If you behave in any of these ways, consider some introspection. Change your habits so you can start and maintain healthy interpersonal relationships.
Bad Mouthing Everyone Else
Most people don’t want to engage with folks who constantly disparage others to make themselves look good. They can see right through it and know that eventually, you’ll be bad-mouthing them, too.
Stop tearing others down. It might feel good in the moment, but it hinders your ability to form meaningful relationships. Instead, engage in positive gossip, sharing what you like about people and their recent accomplishments.
We know that you can’t get along with everyone, and sometimes need to vent about interpersonal conflict, but meeting someone new isn’t the appropriate time for that. Vent in private to your close friends and confidants, but stay positive when engaging with new folks.
Purposely Making Others Uncomfortable
When someone tells you they’re uncomfortable with something, you should stop that behavior. It’s not cute, fun, or flirtatious to purposefully continue and delight in their discomfort.
Women specifically shared that this off-putting behavior makes them lose interest in potential romantic partners, even though men seem to think they’re flirting. In reality, it highlights a lack of respect and a refusal to accept personal boundaries.
However, it happens in all types of relationships, not just romantic. The person doing it thinks it’s funny, while everyone else makes a mental note to avoid them in the future.
Here’s a pro tip: Jokes are only funny if everyone is laughing. Intentionally creeping over boundaries isn’t exciting; it’s disrespectful. Don’t do it.
A Superiority Complex
Confidence is great, but it becomes problematic when that confidence morphs into arrogance.
Stop acting like you’re better than everyone else, and treat others with the dignity and respect they deserve as human beings.
Nobody wants to interact with someone who’s constantly boasting about how great they are or one-upping everyone else’s accomplishments.
Mistreating Service Workers
Mistreating people you deem “beneath you” is a serious red flag. First, no one is “beneath you,” regardless of what job either of you has. Second, everyone deserves to be treated with basic human dignity.
“I had a distant relative in her 60s with whom I went out for a few meals. The way she spoke to the waiters and waitresses just made me so uncomfortable – snapping at them grumpily and talking down to them as if they were way below her,” shared one user, adding, “I’ve never understood that.”
Everyone you interact with deserves dignity and respect. Good people will notice if you don’t treat others well, and they won’t want anything to do with you.
Endless Talking
Some folks don’t know how to let others participate in a conversation. They endlessly blather on about themselves, oblivious to others in the room.
“We recently met a nice couple, and we’ve been hanging out, but his wife is just too much to handle,” started one user. “She won’t even let you finish your sentence before she jumps in to inject her views or experiences regarding whatever you were just talking about. It’s rude and annoying. Huge turn-off.”
If you want to be the center of attention, join a theater group so others can watch you monologue to your heart’s content. If you want friends, you need to engage them in the conversation.
Lack of Effort
Some off-putting behaviors may not be noticeable right off the bat, but potential friends will drop you once they’re revealed.
Refusing to put in the effort is one of those.
Some people feel entitled to relationships. They think friends should always cater to them, romantic partners should flock to them, and employers should provide them a world of opportunities, all while they passively accept these bountiful offerings.
The world doesn’t work like that. You get what you put in, and if you don’t make an effort to put anything in, others will start to avoid you.
Lack of Empathy
Empathy is one of the most important traits we can develop. It helps us understand others’ perspectives and feel what they are going through.
One user said a lack of empathy is an instant turn-off in any type of relationship. People who lack empathy won’t help when things get rough and won’t care if you need help. They can’t fathom that other people experience things differently than they do, and refuse to see that their perspective isn’t the only perspective.
The good news is you can develop empathy so you stop turning people off.
Inability to Be Wrong
Engaging with people who refuse to admit they’re wrong is exhausting. We’re all wrong sometimes, and if our egos are so fragile that we can’t admit it, we’ll struggle to keep friends.
Another user added that admitting you’re wrong is only part of it. They added that the “inability to take responsibility for your actions after you admitted you were wrong” is also a huge turnoff.
It’s okay to be wrong. And when you know you’re wrong, step up and try to fix it.
Racism
Racist ideology is a huge turnoff. A lot of people refuse to be friends with racists and will cut off a romantic relationship at the first sign of racism. They’ll even cut off their families for racist behavior.
Hating others for the color of their skin is ugly. Most people don’t want to engage with people who can’t respect others as human beings.
Misogyny
Men hate women, then wonder why they can’t get dates. Guess what guys; women can see your misogyny from miles away, and it’s like a bright flashing warning sign to stay away.
Some guys try to hide it, but the mask always slips, eventually. Instead of pretending you’re not sexist, why not nurture real friendships with women and learn to see them as the people they really are?
Brutal Honesty
Many people call themselves “brutally honest” as an excuse to say mean things without repercussion. The “I’m just being honest” trope is tiring, and users are starting to call it out.
“You can be as honest as you want, but at least say it in a way that is nicer or don’t do it in a crowd,” said one user, adding, “I just think its bullying/rude then.”
There’s a massive difference between tact and lying. You can be honest while remaining tactful. The harsh truth these folks refuse to admit is that they want to hurt people, and they hide behind their brutal honesty as an excuse.
off-putting behavior like this will eventually lead you to loneliness.
Be Nice, and People Will Flock to You
Most of the behaviors mentioned in the thread showcase selfishness and negativity. If you find yourself friendless, consider whether you act this way and try to flip the script.
Try saying nice things instead of mean things. Let others get a word in while you’re talking. Respect people’s boundaries and show them you care just as much as they do.
Be a good person, and your interpersonal relationships with flourish.