Public transport has unspoken rules.
Passengers should give up their seats for the elderly and infirm. When it’s busy, keep to your own seat, and don’t use empty seats for belongings. If you do use a seat for your backpack, move it if someone asks to sit down.
Anyone who uses public transportation tries to abide by these rules so it’s fair to everyone, but one woman came to the internet asking if she was wrong for breaking a rule on a mostly empty train.
It turns out the problem isn’t with the rules, but with taking up space while female.
Here’s what happened.
Enjoying an Empty Train
The Original Poster (OP) said she was riding a train in the early morning. It was mostly empty, as only a handful of other people were in the carriage.
She took a four-seater and spread out, making herself comfortable for the ride.
“I sat in a four-seater (two seats on one side, two across) and spread out my stuff, put my jacket on the seat across from me,” she shared.
Older Man Demands She Move
An older man entered the train at the next stop and beelined towards OP.
“Move your bag,” he demanded.
She was confused. The carriage was still nearly empty, and he had ample room to spread out in his own four-seater if he wanted.
“I was puzzled since there was plenty of free seats to go around, so I asked if he really wanted this particular seat, and he said yes,” said the OP.
Following the unwritten rules of public transportation, OP obliged. She packed up her stuff, moved her bag, and switched seats.
He Demands She Move a Second Time
Here’s where the story gets interesting. We can give the man a break if he has a special seat he loves, or a routine he hates breaking. It’s unreasonable, but who cares? We can handle it.
But that’s not what happened.
The man didn’t want a certain seat; he wanted to punish OP for taking up space in public while female.
As soon as OP got settled in her new seat, he reappeared, demanding that she move her bag so he could sit.
When asked why she should move her bag, he replied that he wanted to sit there. OP pushed back. She said she had already moved once for him.
That’s when she learned what he was really after.
“He scoffed and explained that it was not about the specific seat but about “entitled people who think their bags deserve a seat.”
OP Refuses
OP said she had already moved for him once, so she wouldn’t do it again. At first, it looked like he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“He made a movement as if he wanted to grab my bag, and I raised my voice, saying, “Don’t you f—- dare!” He started lamenting about entitled people again. I told him, “I moved for you. There are hundreds of free seats on this train. Sit somewhere else.”
The man called OP names but ultimately went back to his own seat. He then called someone and proceeded to complain loudly about OP’s entitlement.
It Would Be Different on a Crowded Train
OP made it a point to explain that when a train is crowded, she gathers her stuff and sticks to one seat so others can sit.
“But I don’t see why I should let some rando boss me around and invade my personal space for no reason,” she added.
She came to Reddit to find out if she was really the jerk for not moving.
The Man Was the Problem
Most Reddit users agreed OP did nothing wrong.
“With plenty of room on the train, he had a ton of seats to choose from. He was technically correct – the best kind of correct™ – about being able to sit in any seat,” responded one user, adding, “but his insistence on enforcing his technical correctness on you makes him the a–.”
“Apart from that, the most important unwritten social rule of traveling in public transport is that you don’t sit close to a stranger if you don’t need to,” said another, pointing out that the man was wrong even the first time.
Taking Up Space While Female
Many users pointed to the misogyny inherent in the interaction.
“This guy is a creeper and looking to cause trouble with you, a woman. Good for you for not putting up with it,” said one user.
“He would NOT follow a man around like this,” replied another.
A third added, “Some men really hate women taking up space. Or just women in general.”
Some went even further, calling the man’s actions harassment.
“I don’t think it is socially acceptable in most places for strange men to demand that they sit next to any woman they feel like just because they want to. He didn’t need to sit next to anyone at all. That’s widely considered harassment and weird behaviour,” stated one user.
“There’s a point where this becomes harassment. If the seat he wants to sit in involves following a girl around a train, I don’t think he’s technically correct at all,” added another. “ I think that’s technically harassment.”
We agree with these users. We doubt the man would have said anything if OP were male, because men are allowed to take up space in public. Women aren’t.
Women are entitled when they take even an inch of space they don’t need, and men like the man in this story feel the need to “put them in their place.”
What Do You Think?
Do you agree that the man was wrong and his behavior could be classified as harassment? Or do you think OP was wrong to spread out on the train in the first place?
Source: Reddit