A marriage is supposed to be a team. The couple jointly decides who will handle each essential life task and work together to create a life that benefits them both.
It’s even more critical that husband and wife are on the same team when kids are involved. Children cost tons of money, and often, one partner makes a lot of sacrifices to attend to their care.
One woman gave up her job to become a stay-at-home parent to three children, but it’s evident that her husband doesn’t value her as an equal team member.
Becoming a Stay-at-home Parent
The Original Poster said she and her husband jointly decided that she’d be a stay-at-home mom eight years ago. She was working a minimum wage job at the time, and all her income would go to childcare if she continued working, so it made more financial sense for her to stay home.
They now have three kids, and she’s a full-time parent.
No Access To Money
For the entire eight years, OP’s husband has left her off the bank accounts. She has to ask him for money whenever she needs to buy something for the family.
Even worse, some of the household bills remain in her name, and she has to beg him to transfer funds so she can pay them. They’re often late because he doesn’t get her the money in time.
She doesn’t even know how much money he makes, so she struggles to maintain a budget.
She Asks Him for Access
OP’s been asking for access throughout the years, but she finally had enough and asked again, saying it’s damning to have to ask for money all the time.
He refused, with no real reason.
“I asked him why he won’t give me access to it, and he said, “I don’t know. I’m just weird about it.”
What Should OP Do?
After the conversation, OP realized that her husband did not intend to ever give her access to his bank account or share his income.
She came to Reddit wondering what to do and said she was considering getting another job or returning to school.
Hire a Lawyer
Reddit had other plans. Users pointed out that the husband’s behavior was textbook financial abuse and OP should hire a lawyer immediately.
The community recognized that OP likely doesn’t have funds for a lawyer but suggested a free consultation and that she seek help through a women’s shelter or the domestic abuse hotline.
Not a Marriage
OP’s situation isn’t a partnership. Her husband holds all the money and power and doesn’t see her as an equal.
Stay-at-home parents contribute just as much as working spouses. They take care of the children and the home while their partner brings home the bacon. Each piece is essential to a functioning family, but all too often, the provider refuses to share the income.
It should be their money, not his money.
Others pointed out that OP’s husband exhibits shady behaviors. He won’t let her touch his phone either, for the same reason.
Many wonder what he’s hiding. Is he spending money on Only Fans? Does he have an obsessive gambling problem? Others even wondered if he has a whole second family he’s supporting.
OP won’t know unless he shares his accounts, but he obviously doesn’t want to do that.
OP Deserves a Partner
OP is living a life of domestic servitude. She has no input in financial decisions, and his lax attitude towards her bills is destroying her credit. The husband is riding high off her hard work and treats her like a servant.
She deserves better, and so does anyone else trapped in a similar situation.