The dating world abounds with nasty double standards benefitting men. One of the most insidious yet oft-ignored double standards relies on the false narrative that men alone are visual creatures.
The myth pretends that women care nothing for attraction, while a man can’t help what he’s attracted to.
It also has no basis in reality.
Men constantly rant about their preferences. She can’t be a pound over 120 (which is also a fantasy), has to have perfect hair and proportions, and must buy into the cultural beauty standards of the day.
Shave your legs, keep your hair natural, have no piercings, dress feminine, etc., ad infinitum.
When women dare voice that they, too, have physical preferences, they’re labeled shallow. Only awful girls would demand a tall man. How dare she reject a man due to his weight? Doesn’t she know he’s a Nice Guy??
That’s not even the worst of it. Some men have completely outrageous expectations about the type of women they will date.
A story shared on a popular internet community highlights it.
Punk Wants Sorority Girl
A woman shared the story of her friend, a punk rocker, who became obsessed with her sister, the typical cutesy sorority girl. The sorority girl married her ideal partner, a cutesy frat boy, but the punk couldn’t handle it.
How dare she choose someone with similar interests and personality when the punk clearly felt he deserved her attention?
It Wouldn’t Be So Bad Except…
We can’t blame a guy for trying. And we can’t blame anyone for having their preferences. If that’s all it was, we wouldn’t care.
Except that’s not all it is.
Men and women are both guilty of outrageous expectations when dating. But men are far more likely to rage when they don’t get what they want. Instead of taking the no gracefully, they flip out, often screaming and shouting about how “shallow” she is.
In the worst cases, they get violent, developing an “If I can’t have her, no one can” attitude. Peruse the When Women Refuse community to understand how men act out when rejected and the impact on women.
Women may complain about rejection, but they don’t typically get violent.
It’s About Entitlement
The harsh reality is that men’s preferences and expectation that a woman gives anyone who likes her a chance is based on male entitlement to female time and attention.
A woman doesn’t really get a say in the matter. If he likes her, she’s required to “give him a chance.” Her preferences don’t matter. Her safety doesn’t matter. He’s entitled to her attention, and if he doesn’t get it, there’s something wrong with her.
Everyone is Allowed Preferences
Men are allowed to have preferences, but so are women. Not everyone will click with everyone else, and that’s okay. No one has to date you simply because you want them to.
It’s high time we started respecting everyone’s agency, not just men’s.
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