The dating world abounds with nasty double standards that benefit men. One of the most insidious yet oft-ignored double standards relies on the false narrative that men alone are visual creatures.
The myth pretends that women care nothing for attraction, while a man can’t help what he’s attracted to, leading to the pervasive notion that men are allowed to have physical preferences in dating, while women who have them are shallow.
Men’s Preferences
Men constantly rant about their preferences online. She can’t be a pound over 120 (which is also a fantasy), has to have perfect hair and proportions, and must buy into the cultural beauty standards of the day.
Shave your legs, keep your hair natural, have no piercings, dress feminine, etc., ad infinitum. Some men’s outlandish preferences go beyond the physical. Not only must she meet his physical attraction standards, but she must also have no male friends, be submissive, be a virgin (yet sleep with him immediately), and not be a “gold digger”.
Women’s Preferences
When women dare to voice that they, too, have physical preferences, they’re labeled shallow. Only awful girls would demand a tall man. How dare she reject a man due to his weight?
Doesn’t she know he’s a Nice Guy??
Women must always give any man who shows them interest a chance. If she doesn’t, she’s shallow, selfish, cold, uncaring, and a string of curse words I refuse to publish here.
Outrageous Expectations
Some men’s expectations have left reality. They want the “hot chick” regardless of their own personal grooming standards and appearance, even when she doesn’t match his personality in any way. It’s fair to be attracted to what you’re attracted to, but it’s not fair to feel entitled to anyone’s attraction in return. Many of these men feel entitled to a woman’s favor, and seethe if she dares date a man that she’s actually attracted to.
A story shared on a popular internet community highlights the disconnect.
Punk Wants Sorority Girl
A woman shared the story of her friend, a punk rocker, who became obsessed with her sister, the typical cutesy sorority girl. The sorority girl married her ideal partner, a cutesy frat boy, but the punk couldn’t handle it.
How dare she choose someone with similar interests and personality when the punk clearly felt he deserved her attention?
It Wouldn’t Be So Bad Except…
We can’t blame a guy for trying. And we can’t blame anyone for having their preferences. If that’s all it was, we wouldn’t care.
Except that’s not all it is.
Men and women are both guilty of outrageous expectations when dating. But men are far more likely to rage when they don’t get what they want. Instead of taking the “no” gracefully, they flip out, often screaming and shouting about how “shallow” she is.
In the worst cases, they get violent, developing an “If I can’t have her, no one can” attitude. Peruse the When Women Refuse community to understand how men act out when rejected and the impact on women.
Women may complain about rejection, but they don’t typically get violent.
It’s About Entitlement
The harsh reality is that men’s preferences and expectations that a woman gives anyone who likes her a chance are based on male entitlement to female time and attention.
A woman shouldn’t get a say in the matter. If he likes her, she’s required to “give him a chance.” Her preferences don’t matter. Her safety doesn’t matter. He’s entitled to her attention, and if he doesn’t get it, there’s something wrong with her.
Everyone is Allowed Preferences
Men are allowed to have preferences, but so are women. Not everyone will click with everyone else, and that’s okay. No one has to date you simply because you want them to.
It’s high time we started respecting everyone’s agency, not just men’s.