Loneliness is on the rise. Young people today find it ever harder to find a partner as the media laments dating culture. Here we explore the truth behind the loneliness epidemic and explore the problems with modern dating, revealing the root causes of the biggest dating woes young people are experiencing.
Loneliness Epidemic
Loneliness across the country seems to be growing. 52% of all Americans and 73% of millennials report feeling lonely. 22% of Gen X’ers say they have no friends, and 43% of people between 17 and 25 say they feel lonely.
The report studied overall loneliness and didn’t dissect whether respondents were single or coupled up, but other studies suggest that the inability to find a partner is a crucial driver of the loneliness epidemic.
Pew research found that nearly half (47%) of all adults under 30 are still single.
Modern Dating Problems
The 20s used to be when people met up and married. So, what’s happening in today’s modern dating market that leaves so many people without a partner?
Here are some of the biggest problems with modern dating.
Women Don’t Want To Date
Though the Pew research showed that many single adults say they aren’t looking, there’s a clear gender divide in the responses.
Half the single men want a partner, while only 35% of the single women do. The disconnect between what men and women want may play a role in men’s inability to partner up.
Loss of Community
People used to meet their partners through their communities. They’d date friends of friends, someone they met through a community event, or someone who lives down the street.
One of the biggest modern dating problems is society’s isolation. We hide ourselves away from all aspects of the community. We no longer know our neighbors or participate in events, making it a lot harder to meet people.
No “Third Place”
The third-place theory suggests that in previous decades, most people had a “third place” where they hung out, separate from home or work. They went to community centers, churches, neighborhood bars, or other public settings where people from the community gathered.
Many of us no longer have a third place, instead we spend all our time at home or work.
Dating Apps
Dating apps truly turned dating into a market. The focus on physical appearance prevents people from discovering whether they have chemistry organically, and the seemingly endless options make folks think twice about settling for one.
Paradox of Choice
There are so many options that people refuse to even try in relationships anymore. If one doesn’t work out, they’ll move on to the next, looking for that perfect someone who doesn’t exist.
Competing With Happy Life
Men often struggle with dating because they think they’re competing with other men. They’re not. They’re competing with a woman’s happy life when she’s single.
Women don’t want to date men that don’t add value to their life.
Too Tired
In today’s overpriced and overworked world, people are too tired to pursue a romantic relationship. They’re spending all their time working to stay afloat.
Not Financially Stable
People want to be able to take care of themselves before pursuing a meaningful relationship. A long-term partner is the least of your concerns when you can’t afford food or housing.
Cultural Shifts
Some folks blame feminism for today’s problems with dating. Feminism didn’t destroy dating, but it did give women more options. Women are free to pursue their own careers and live on their own. They don’t need a partner, and many have found they’re happier without one.
But blaming feminism is a cop-out. Giving more people more rights is a good thing. The problem is many people didn’t change along with the culture. Men still want a 1950s housewife, with the added bonus that she’ll work full time.
Women collectively realized how bad of a deal that is and opted out.
How to Fix Modern Dating
Romantic relationships are an essential part of the human experience, so how do we fix the problems with modern dating to help younger generations find partners?
If I had the answer to that, I’d probably be a famous sociologist. It’s a massive problem, made even worse by the vast array of viewpoints involved. The angriest among us advocate to strip entire segments of the population of their rights, and return to forced marriage to ensure everyone gets a partner. I think most reasonable people can agree that’s not the answer.
The answer lies in a cultural shift. The United States is still a deeply misogynistic society, despite our best efforts to hide it. You can find sexism in our everyday language “you throw like a girl”, in how we treat our little boys, “man up, boys don’t cry” in how we raise young girls to be pretty, silent, and accommodating, while we raise little boys to be adventurous, daring, and opinionated. We can make the boys do the same chores we expect of the girls.
It will take a lot of effort, but when the genders achieve true equality at home and at work, the dating problems will resolve themselves.