Technology allows us to fire up our gaming systems and play a match with friends worldwide. We meet people from different places and learn new perspectives while enjoying a favorite pastime.
Unfortunately, some folks think it’s weird when others play online, and one man even tried to prevent his girlfriend from playing games online with other men.
She Enjoys Gaming
The Original Poster (OP) came to Reddit seeking advice after her boyfriend of over ten years stonewalled her for playing online games with other guys.
She said she enjoys playing Overwatch, a popular multiplayer game, but none of her female friends like it, and her boyfriend no longer plays. It’s one of those games that allows you to play with folks from anywhere, and she found a few cool people to add as friends, so she had folks to play with.
One of Those People was *Gasp!* A Man!
OP added one of the guys she’s been playing with to her friend list, so they could find each other more easily when online. He lives on another continent, and they don’t even know each other’s real names. They’ve never shared personal details or photos, and he has several female online friends he plays with.
OP’s boyfriend isn’t pleased with the situation. When he found out the online friend was male, he got upset.
“He stopped playing his own game, was replying to me using really short answers, and said that he doesn’t like it at all, got angry, etc.,” reported OP.
OP said he doesn’t overtly forbid her from playing, but he gets angry, stops talking to her, and makes her generally uncomfortable when she does. “Since I don’t want to make him angry, I can’t play with other guys,” she shared.
No Male Friends In Real Life Either
It’s not just online friends that pique the boyfriend’s insecurity. OP shared that she’s not allowed male friends in real life, either. OP said she’s in university, and her boyfriend got mad that a male friend sat next to her in a lecture. He also rudely commented about her study group, including a guy.
What To Do?
OP came to Reddit seeking advice. She’s been with her boyfriend for nearly ten years and has been living with him for two. He said she betrayed his trust, and she wants to fix it, but she’s also worried about him getting angry again.
“I don’t have anyone to talk about this problem in real life because he will get offended because “I made him look bad” and “now everyone thinks I’m the bad guy,” said OP.
Boyfriend is Controlling
Many users advised OP that her boyfriend is controlling. No partner should “let” or “not let” their SO do something.
“Your partner is not your boss or your parent or your overlord. If someone is trying to control you, then that is a red flag, and you should remove yourself from that situation,” advised one user.
“As soon as a woman says her boyfriend doesn’t “let” her do something, it’s time to leave the relationship,” added another. “He doesn’t own you.”
Misogyny in Gaming
OP’s boyfriend likely doesn’t realize how difficult it is for women to find people to play with online. Misogyny runs rampant in online gaming. Some women hide their genders online to avoid it, while others get kicked out of clans when their womanhood is discovered. Most suffer verbal abuse when simply trying to enjoy their game.
When women find people to play with who treat them like humans, they will value that interaction and add them as friends. It takes a while for women to cultivate a crew they can just play with without dealing with misogyny.
He’s Probably Abusive
The boyfriend likely doesn’t care about that. He doesn’t want her to enjoy her time because, in his mind, she belongs to him.
Users caught on to her intense fear of angering him. In every statement, OP seemed to be tiptoeing around his feelings and walking on eggshells for fear of making her boyfriend mad. She’s also afraid of his manipulative guilt trips.
None of this sounds healthy.
“He’s trying (to) isolate you so that you have nobody in your life you can turn to but him,” explained one user. “That’s a control technique, and I would consider it abusive. He’s jealous, insecure, and controlling. He is not a good partner.”
OP’s been with her boyfriend since they were children, so his behavior is likely the only thing she’s ever known. She needs to leave the relationship and grow a little.
“You know what’s going to feel amazing?” asked one user. “Dumping Him.”
We agree. OP is young, and we hope she learns that she doesn’t have to tiptoe around her partner’s emotional outbursts. She can do better.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.