Technology allows us to fire up our gaming systems and play with friends worldwide. We meet people from different places and learn new perspectives while enjoying a favorite pastime.
Unfortunately, some folks think it’s weird when others play online, and one man even tried to prevent his girlfriend from playing games online with other men.
His girlfriend took to the internet, looking for advice. Here’s her story, a shining example of what not to do when your girlfriend plays games with other guys. Discover how you should handle it after her tale.
She Enjoys Gaming
The Original Poster (OP) stated that her boyfriend of over ten years had stonewalled her for playing online games with other men.
She said she enjoys playing Overwatch, a popular multiplayer game, but none of her female friends like it, and her boyfriend no longer plays. It’s one of those games that allows you to play with folks from anywhere, and she found a few cool people to add as friends, giving her people to play with.
One of Those People was *Gasp!* A Man!
OP added one of the guys she’s been playing with to her friend list, so they could find each other more easily when online. He lives on another continent, and they don’t even know each other’s real names. They’ve never shared personal details or photos, and he has several female online friends he plays with.
In short, it’s an online friendship crafted specifically for this game, with no impact on OP’s personal life or relationships.
Boyfriend Upset
OP’s boyfriend couldn’t handle it. He flipped out upon discovering one of her online friends was male and started treating OP poorly.
“He stopped playing his own game, was replying to me using really short answers, and said that he doesn’t like it at all, got angry, etc.,” reported OP.
OP said he doesn’t overtly forbid her from playing, but he gets angry, stops talking to her, and makes her generally uncomfortable when she does.
He may not physically stop her from playing, but the tension he creates sends a loud message. He doesn’t like it when she plays games with other guys, and he’ll make her life miserable whenever she does. It’s likely intentional, and he’s getting exactly what he wants.
“Since I don’t want to make him angry, I can’t play with other guys,” she shared.
No Male Friends In Real Life Either
It’s not just online friends that pique the boyfriend’s insecurity. OP shared that she’s not allowed male friends in real life, either. OP said she’s in university, and her boyfriend got mad that a male friend sat next to her in a lecture. He also rudely commented about her study group, including a guy.
What To Do?
OP came to Reddit seeking advice. She’s been with her boyfriend for nearly ten years and has been living with him for two. He said she betrayed his trust, and she wants to fix it, but she’s also worried about him getting angry again.
“I don’t have anyone to talk about this problem in real life because he will get offended because ‘I made him look bad,’ and ‘now everyone thinks I’m the bad guy, ’” said OP.
Boyfriend is Controlling
Many users advised OP that her boyfriend is controlling. No partner should “let” or “not let” their SO do something.
“Your partner is not your boss or your parent or your overlord. If someone is trying to control you, then that is a red flag, and you should remove yourself from that situation,” advised one user.
“As soon as a woman says her boyfriend doesn’t ‘let’ her do something, it’s time to leave the relationship,” added another. “He doesn’t own you.”
Misogyny in Gaming
OP’s boyfriend likely doesn’t realize how difficult it is for women to find people to play with online. Misogyny runs rampant in online gaming. Some women hide their gender online to avoid it, while others get kicked out of clans when their womanhood is discovered. Most suffer verbal abuse when simply trying to enjoy their game.
When women find people to play with who treat them like humans, they will value that interaction and add them as friends. It takes a while for women to cultivate a crew they can just play with without dealing with misogyny.
Or maybe the boyfriend does realize that, and doesn’t care because his feelings (of insecurity) are more important than his girlfriend’s happiness.
He’s Probably Abusive
His behavior leans towards being abusive. He doesn’t want her to enjoy her time because, in his mind, she belongs to him.
Users caught on to her intense fear of angering him. In every statement, OP seemed to be tiptoeing around his feelings and walking on eggshells for fear of making her boyfriend mad. She’s also afraid of his manipulative guilt trips.
None of this sounds healthy.
“He’s trying (to) isolate you so that you have nobody in your life you can turn to but him,” explained one user. “That’s a control technique, and I would consider it abusive. He’s jealous, insecure, and controlling. He is not a good partner.”
Girl, Run
OP’s been with her boyfriend since they were children, so his behavior is likely the only thing she’s ever known. She needs to leave the relationship and grow a little.
“You know what’s going to feel amazing?” asked one user. “Dumping Him.”
We agree. OP is young, and we hope she learns that she doesn’t have to tiptoe around her partner’s emotional outbursts. She can do better.
What To Do When Your Girlfriend Wants to Play Games with Other Guys
Hopefully, OP’s situation isn’t the norm. Her boyfriend is clearly abusive, both about her gaming habits and in real life.
Some men, who aren’t abusive at all, may have very real concerns about their girlfriend’s online friends. So, what should you do if your girlfriend wants to play games with other guys?
Trust
First, you should trust your partner unless they’ve given you reason not to. In a healthy relationship, people have friends outside the partnership, often of both genders.
A friend of the opposite gender doesn’t mean anything, especially if the friend only exists in certain games online.
Discuss
The situation is a little different if there’s a reason it bothers you. If you’re girlfriend is playing with a person she had a previous relationship with, or if you notice the conversations getting too flirty, you might have reason to feel upset.
In these cases, you need a conversation. Find out why she’s playing with this specific person, and share how it makes you feel. Avoid anger and defensiveness – speak from your heart and to gain understanding, not with the intent to scare or control.
Compromise
There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend playing games with other guys, but if there is a specific guy who bothers you for legitimate reasons, consider asking her to compromise.
Maybe she only plays with him when you’re present, or she drops him but stays friends with the other guys she plays with.
Make sure the compromise works for both of you. She may be more than willing to drop one friend who makes you uncomfortable, as long as you don’t attempt to control her online gaming fun.
Decide
You can not control your girlfriend. She may think you’re ridiculous for feeling insecure about a certain guy (she may be right – but she may also be deflecting, only she will know for sure.)
She may scoff at the suggestion that she compromise at all.
At this point, you need to decide whether this fight is worth the relationship. Is she really doing something that awful by having an online friend? Do you suspect cheating, or are you being unreasonably jealous? Can you handle her enjoying the game without acting out?
You get to decide whether you want to remain in the relationship, but you don’t get to decide who she’s friends with. If you don’t like that she games online with other guys, and she doesn’t want to stop, you must decide whether it’s a dealbreaker, or whether it’s something you can learn to accept.