Some men seek out women to support them. They want to coast through life on your coatstrings, refusing to contribute their fair share to the household. Here are some huge waving red flags that you should look for in the dating phase to weed out user men.
What’s a Hobosexual?
A hobosexual is a new term for a man who’s looking for a woman to support him. He doesn’t love her, he only loves what she provdes: a home, food, and money for him to spend.
He won’t contribute to the household, instead becoming a useless lump on the couch that she has to take care of.
It’s common sense to avoid addicts, but unfortunately, they aren’t as easy to spot as it would seem. Addicts are great at lying about their behavior, at least in the short term. If you’ve never had experience with addicts before, it’s hard to see the signs.
At what point does his having a six-pack every night become a problem? Watching someone you love fall deeper and deeper into addiction is a horrible experience.
Don’t fall into the trap that “you can help them.” They will not change for you. They will only make your life miserable as they spiral further and further.
Watch for the signs while in the dating phase. Get out early if you see them.
Lack of Household Items
If you’re dating an adult, they should have adult things. Their house should be filled with items adults use regularly.
A lack of household essentials is a massive red flag you shouldn’t ignore.
When I first started dating my most recent ex, I’d have to bring toilet paper with me when I went to his place because he couldn’t be bothered to get it.
I thought it was funny at the time.
Now I realize he couldn’t even really care for himself like an adult, so how could I expect him to care for me in the adult ways that I’d need? The answer is that he couldn’t.
A thirty-something-year-old man who can’t afford basic household necessities is a giant waving hobosexual red flag. He doesn’t care for himself because he’s looking for someone else to take care of him.
It doesn’t have to be you.
I believe in the best in people. Naïve, I know.
If someone tells me they are out of work because they just fell on hard times, I tend to believe them. I don’t hold anyone’s job (or lack thereof!) against them. I don’t want to be that “golddigger” who only dates men with high-paying jobs.
However, I have learned that serially unemployed men tend to be the biggest users.
They don’t want to work; they want to find someone to take care of them. They purposefully quit their jobs at any slight to their egos, real or imagined. They feel like they’re “too good” for lower-paying jobs but won’t do anything to improve their career outlooks.
A man who can’t admit when he’s wrong is unlikely to be a good partner. If he constantly blames others for his failures, he may be unwilling to do the work necessary to succeed, both in life and in a relationship.
Did he lose his job because there was a layoff and he didn’t have the experience to stay, or did he lose his job because Jan from accounting talked badly about him to the boss? Does he blame his parents for his behavior, or does he hold himself accountable?
People who want to play the victim about everything and refuse to accept responsibility for anything in their life are not ready to grow up and have an adult relationship. They want to be taken care of. They will blame you and gaslight you when you don’t do what they want.
Agreeableness seems like an excellent quality for a partner on the surface, but you must tread carefully.
If someone just agrees to everything you say, are they really listening? Or are they just saying what they think you want to hear?
An excellent way to tell is to pay attention to their actions rather than words. Someone who is just telling you what you want to hear won’t follow through. They will repeatedly disappoint you while promising they care and will do better next time.
Don’t fall for it.
Watch for the early signs of a smooth talker – they will agree with everything but won’t follow through with anything.
All in Too Soon
Manipulative people employ Love Bombing to get what they want. They will tell you how amazing you are, how they’ve never met anyone like you, and how you must be their soulmate within the first few weeks of dating.
Many people recognize it as the giant red flag it is, but for some of us Disney Princess wannabes, meeting someone who you instantly connect with on that level is a dream come true.
Unfortunately, more likely than not, it’s just a fairy tale. It isn’t real.
You can’t know someone well enough after a few weeks to know that you want to be with them forever. Although some people marry quickly and make it work, there’s nothing wrong with waiting and taking things slow. If it’s meant to be, it will still be if you marry after two years rather than six months.
Expecting You to Pay
In the dating phase, both parties should offer to pay on occasion. It shows you both care about the partnership moving forward and both want to contribute.
A hobosexual will stop paying as soon as they can. They’ll stop reaching for their wallet the second they know you will cover the bill. He’ll say make grand plans knowing he can’t afford it, assuming you’ll cover it.
If he doesn’t even attempt to pay anymore, he might be taking advantage of you.
Clearly, this doesn’t apply if you are in a long-term relationship and have had discussions about who pays for what. But if you just started dating someone who expects you to pay all the time, you may want to re-evaluate.
Emotional abuse is a clear sign that your partner is taking advantage of you, but one that’s difficult to see when you’re in the thick of it. Identifying it is incredibly challenging because we don’t teach people the signs of emotional abuse.
Instead, we’re taught that we have to take care of everyone, be nice, do everything around the house, and be thankful that we even caught a man, regardless of how he treats us.
The idea that being in a relationship is the pinnacle achievement for women leads to a rampant amount of emotional abuse, and the worst thing is that most women don’t even recognize the behavior as abusive.
He Uses Weaponized Incompetence To Avoid Helping
Not sure if you’re partner is truly dumb or just pretending to be dumb to escape work? Here are some warning signs that it’s weaponized incompetence.
He’s Financially Abusive With Your Money
Financial abuse is all too common, but often kept quiet because people don’t understand how it works. Sometimes, someone who doesn’t make any money steals the high earners paycheck. Learn the signs of financial abuse to protect your loved ones.
He Tries To Quit His Job To Ride Your Coatstrings
He wants to stop working, she doesn’t think that would be fair. What do you think?
Avoid Men Like This for a Happy Life
Millions of men are looking for an equal partner. Avoid the warning signs of hobosexuals so you can find someone who loves, supports, and cherishes you the way you love, support and cherish them!
Ditch the Life Script
Many women get trapped in these relationships because they think they have to follow the life script. It’s not for everyone. Here’s why you should ditch it and do your own thing.