Relationships are challenging to navigate. Young women especially get caught up in the idea that their partner can change and learn to respect them if they only communicate what they want in a way they’d understand.
One woman came to Reddit seeking advice on how to have a difficult conversation with her boyfriend of two years during an all-expense paid vacation (for him).
Setting the Stage: Relationship Background
The Original Poster (OP) shared she’s been with her boyfriend for about two years. They’re in their early twenties, he’s a year older at 23, and she just graduated college at 22.
OP gives a lot of background information about their relationship, all of which makes her boyfriend sound like a selfish prat.
Despite their long-term pairing, she hasn’t met his friends. When she asks him to do something, he placates her by agreeing but then never follows through. He’s selfish in bed, and she pays for everything. He can’t even be bothered to confirm plans, constantly leaving her hanging.
OP’s family gifted her two plane tickets and hotel fare as a celebration present. Of course, she wants to take her boyfriend on this fun trip, but she wants to use it as an opportunity to discuss their future.
She wants to discuss the changes she needs in the relationship before embarking on the trip, and she came to Reddit seeking advice on how to bring it up and whether it was selfish of her to request this big talk before the trip.
OP, He’s Not Changing
Reddit users gave OP some much-needed tough love. He hasn’t changed for two years. She’s been asking. One more conversation isn’t going to change anything.
“What leads you to believe he will change because you’re taking him on a great trip?” asked one user. “You’ve been asking him to change for two years, and he’s done nothing.”
“This is just what this guy is like,” said another. “No vacation and pleading is going to miraculously make him into this person you want.”
He Doesn’t Deserve the Trip
Many pointed out that the boyfriend’s a user and doesn’t deserve to go on the fantastic trip OP has planned.
“You give give give, and he takes, takes, takes,” pointed out one. “he doesn’t deserve a great free trip.” The user advised OP to take a good friend instead.
“You want to reward him for his bad behavior?” asked another. “Go on the trip, leave him at home,” they advised.
Is She Even His Girlfriend?
The fact that they’ve been together for two years and she hasn’t met his friends is a massive red flag. That, coupled with the fact that he often “forgets” to confirm their dates, has many Reddit users questioning whether she’s really his girlfriend.
Of course, she believes she is, but he may have a very different idea.
One user said there’s likely a good reason she hasn’t met his friends: He doesn’t see her as a girlfriend. “He’s 100% going out with them as a single guy, and if he hasn’t cheated on OP, it’s more out of laziness than loyalty,” they predicted. “This is a casual, convenient situationship for him.”
“You’re his sugar mama, not his girlfriend,” stated another.
Dump this Loser
OP can do so much better than this selfish user. She should dump him, take a friend on the trip, and move on with her life after college.
We hope she gets the message.
Melanie launched Partners in Fire in 2017 to document her quest for financial independence with a mix of finance, fun, and solving the world’s problems. She’s self educated in personal finance and passionate about fighting systematic problems that prevent others from achieving their own financial goals. She also loves travel, anthropology, gaming and her cats.