We all can be selfish sometimes; we’re only human, after all. Unfortunately, some folks turn selfishness into an art.
Everything is always about them, and they don’t seem to care about how their actions may affect the world around them.
The worst part is that these people become adept at hiding their selfish ways until they lure you into relationships or friendships with them. They pretend to care until they get what they want, talk big games about how wonderful and helpful they are, and make others believe they genuinely want to help.
But they can’t hide all the signs of a selfish person.
Warning Signs of a Selfish Person
We’re here to help you identify these terrible people before they get their claws in.
Keep an eye out for these warning signs of a selfish person when you interact with a potential new friend.
It may save you a ton of grief!
Only Talking About Themselves
A selfish person can’t comprehend that other people may have thoughts and ideas to share. They often talk about themselves nonstop, preventing anyone else from getting a word in.
But the worst part is that they will talk your ear off for hours about “me me me” but as soon as you try to shift the conversation to anything else (or worse – something about yourself!), they get annoyed.
Of course, there are other reasons why someone might not be able to shut up about themselves. People with autism or ADHD may not be able to help themselves. However, they probably won’t act like the world ended if you say something about yourself.
Taking Whatever They Want
Selfish people think the world owes them everything, so why should they have to pay for it?
The worst type of selfish people steal even when they can afford to pay. They’ll take some things from the store just because they can, or visit food banks, because why should other people get all the free food?
I can give people a pass for stealing stuff like food when they can’t afford to eat, but someone who steals for fun is just plain selfish.
Refuse to Pay Their Own Way
I had a friend once who conveniently forgot her wallet whenever we went out for lunch. Someone always covered her, and she never paid them back. When we went on road trips, she refused to chip in for gas.
I could give her some grace if she didn’t have any money, but that wasn’t the case. She just didn’t want to pay.
The friend who wants to split the bill even though they ordered way more, the partner who wants you to pay 50/50 for their upscale lifestyle, and the person who always borrows cash but never pays it back are all selfish.
Entitled
A massive warning sign of a selfish person has to be their entitlement. They think they deserve everything: time, attention, money, energy, labor.
Whatever you can offer, they think it’s theirs.
A selfish friend is bad enough, but when you get into a relationship with a selfish person, you end up giving all of yourself for nothing in return.
One-Uppers
One-uppers constantly interrupt others to butt in with their tales that are just a tiny bit better/worse/more impressive than what was being told.
You got 4 hours of sleep last night? They only got 3. You got into a car accident? So did they, but someone had to go to the hospital. You ran a 5K? They did a marathon.
One-upping is a sign of a selfish person because they can’t stand it when the attention is on someone else, and they have to steal the spotlight.
Rude to Waitstaff
You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those they perceive as “lesser.” First, that they even perceive other humans as lesser is a red flag in the first place, but if they are rude to those providing them a service, it’s a sure bet they’re selfish.
Selfish people don’t see wait staff as people; they see them as servants required to cater to their every whim.
Pay attention to how they treat the waiter. Are they rude and condescending? Do they act like the only customer? How well do they tip?
Loud Videos on the Phone
People who watch loud videos on their phones while in public have no respect for others around them. All that matters is their entertainment; they don’t care if their phone volume is disturbing others.
I once had the displeasure of waiting in a doctor’s office with someone like this. He blasted his right-wing TikTok videos for the entire waiting room to hear. No one was impressed.
Returning the Shopping Cart
One of the ultimate tests of selfishness is the “return the shopping cart” test. Most major grocery stores and department stores have massive parking lots with shopping cart holders scattered throughout. It takes ten seconds to walk your cart to the corral.
People who can’t be bothered to spend a few seconds returning their cart are the epitome of selfishness. It takes such little effort, but makes a massive impact on others.
Stray carts in lots can cause accidents and take up valuable parking real estate.
Refuse to Reciprocate
Friends should want to help each other when they can. However, some learn that their friends are selfish users when they constantly take but refuse to help out when they have the ability.
A lot of good people fall into the trap because they love helping their friends, and usually don’t need anything in return. But you’ll know when the day finally comes that you need help with something, and they act like you’re a horrible person for inconveniencing them.
To avoid this, ask new friends for small, easy favors early in the relationship. You’ll learn really quickly whether they’re a selfish person or not.
Can’t Be Wrong
Selfish people can’t fathom that the world doesn’t revolve around them, so they think they can do no wrong.
Someone who can’t admit fault, accept responsibility for their mistakes, or always points their finger at others is likely selfish.
They’ll Push Your Boundaries
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Selfish people hate boundaries. They think everything is about them, so they can’t understand why you would limit their access to you with a boundary.
It shatters their worldview, so they do everything they can to push it. And if you give an inch, they will push and push until there’s no boundary left.
Gaslighting
Many selfish people will go to great lengths to get what they want, including gaslighting their so-called friends.
They’ll misbehave but say you misheard them or tell you it’s not a big deal, they’ll make you feel like you’re wrong for questioning their selfish behavior, and they’ll pretend their worst behavior never happened.
These folks are trying to create a false representation of themselves and will bully anyone with something different to say.
Transactional
Most relationships are give and take, and nobody keeps score. But selfish people tend to have a more transactional view of relationships.
If they do something nice for you, you owe them, and they’ll demand some type of repayment. Of course, it doesn’t always work in the opposite direction, but they’ll have a great excuse on hand.
Everything is About Them
Selfish people make everything about themselves. They’ll act like every bad thing in their circle is all about them, playing the victim to get sympathy points despite not being the person who’s truly affected by the problem.
The worst type of selfish person also gets mad at the impacted party for “not being there for them.”
Even the Good Things
But they don’t just make any negative events about themselves to garner sympathy; they make any positive things about themselves, too.
They’re the couple who get engaged at someone else’s wedding, the friend who pretends they played a major role in whatever accomplishment you’re celebrating, and the coworker who thinks they’re the lead on every project.
They Ruin Special Occasions
When a selfish person realizes they can’t take credit for a special occasion, they will do the next best thing to get the attention on them: they’ll ruin it.
Selfish folks cause drama at other people’s events. They think weddings are the perfect occasion to pick a fight with the bride, they suddenly have a horrible breakup when you’re trying to celebrate an anniversary, and they cause a scene at the bar when you’re trying to enjoy your birthday party.
Rules Don’t Apply
Selfish people think they’re above the law. Rules, codes, order – the way to do things, that applies to other people, not them.
Although they may not technically break the law (though some selfish folks enjoy stealing, as we discussed!), they think they’re above most social codes. They don’t tip well, treat people poorly, throw trash out on the street, and refuse to follow any rule that they don’t feel like following.
They Don’t Care
Ultimately, the biggest warning sign of a selfish person is their lack of interest. They simply don’t care about you.
Pay attention to how they behave when you tell a story or ask for help. Selfish people can’t hide their utter apathy. Their eyes will glaze over, they won’t pay attention, they refuse to ask follow-up questions, and they’ll interrupt with something about themselves at every opportunity.
It’s not just in conversation. They won’t care about your struggles or triumphs, your family, hobbies, or interests, unless there is something in it for them.
Selfish Friends Aren’t Worth Your Time
Keep these warning signs of selfish people in mind when deciding whether a friendship is worth pursuing. Selfish friends will be there when they need you, take advantage of you when it suits them, and use you for self-gratification, but they will never be there for you in your time of need.
True friendships are two-way streets, with both wanting to support each other whenever needed.
Choose your friends wisely for a happy life.