Whether you’re funneling every penny to debt repayment or working 80 hours per week, you need to stop and ask yourself a crucial question:
What’s Your Why?
That is, why are you pushing yourself to your limits or sacrificing the things you want?
Why are you doing what you are doing?
Why Your “Why” is Crucial
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you not to do those things. Working hard, saving money, paying off debt, and sacrificing for the future are all positive behaviors, in theory.
But I am asking you to explore your reasons. Knowing your why is vital to happiness.
Let’s take saving money, for example.
How many stories have you heard about extremely frugal people who scrimp and save their entire lives, never fully living, only to pass away with hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank? Why did they save so much money that they never enjoyed? Why were they so miserly?
Maybe they had a reason. Maybe they passed unexpectedly and thought they’d enjoy some golden years in retirement, or maybe they were terrified of losing it all and spending their final years on the streets (I can relate!).
But maybe they put saving on autopilot and never considered why they were doing it. They never had a plan for the money, and so lived miserable lives with hoards of cash they didn’t know how to spend.
It’s Not Just About Money
Though the examples above are mostly financial, asking what’s your why is crucial for nearly every aspect of your life.
Why do you want to own a home, get married, have kids, pursue that specific career field, go to college, move across the country, or get a dog?
Stop Living on Autopilot
The harsh truth is that most of us live our lives on autopilot, doing what we’re supposed to do or what sounds good in an impulsive moment.
We rarely take time to pause and ask “Why are we doing this?” or “Is this what I really want?”
That pause and those crucial questions can be the difference between a mundane existence where you’re going through the motions and a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment.
How to Find Your Way
If that rant above woke you up from your autopilot daze, it’s time to find your why.
Here’s how.
Ask Yourself
You’ve already started the first step. You’ve stopped putting life on autopilot and asked yourself why.
Dig deeper. Ask yourself:
- Why am I doing this?
- Why do I value this?
- What do I want out of life?
- How do I get what I want?
- Will what I’m doing lead to my goals?
These aren’t surface-level questions. You might need to explore your upbringing, values, and your deepest desires to find your why.
Grab a journal and dedicate some time to finding your answers.
Reflect
While asking yourself these crucial questions, reflect on your life. When were you happiest? What motivates you? When do you get so into an activity that you lose track of time?
Reflect on whether your actions match your values, or whether your autopilot life has disconnected you from the things you hold most dear. Reflect on your values themselves, and determine if they’re what you truly believe, or something you learned as a child that you should let go.
Finally, reflect on how every action you’ve taken in your life has brought you to this moment. What happens if you keep doing what you’re doing? What happens when you find your why and start working intentionally toward it?
Explore
Some of us find our whys in the deepest recesses of our minds, but some of us haven’t encountered them yet.
Your why may be something you haven’t experienced yet.
To find it, you must explore the world around you. Enjoy the bounties of life. Experience all it has to offer. Your why might be right around the corner.
Examples of a Why
Though everyone is different, many of our overarching reasons for doing things are the same.
These high-level examples of whys may help you find yours.
For Them
Many people find meaning in their families.
When asked why they stay at miserable jobs that barely pay enough to live, their response is “for them.”
It’s for their kids, to provide them a better life. To give them health insurance or access to good schools. To make them feel safe.
“Them” could be anyone you love and want to support. I do it for my cat. You might do it for your parent or spouse.
When you can answer “what’s your why?” with someone you love, you’re on a great track.
Security
When my parents divorced, my mom was left with very little. She never wanted to work, so she had no skills. She ended up working in a factory and living in a trailer, making very little money and barely scraping by.
I learned that I always had to be able to take care of myself, so I wouldn’t end up in such a precarious situation. I learned to save money, so I always had a backup plan.
My big “why” is security. I scrimp and save to keep myself safe. I work hard and build skills for job security.
Freedom
People focused on financial freedom have a lofty goal as their why: complete freedom.
Imagine a life where you don’t have to work to survive. Imagine having enough money to travel, homestead, raise your kids, and enjoy your life without a job.
I’m still on a path to financial freedom, and although I value security a little more (which is why I haven’t taken the leap), it’s definitely high on my list of whys.
Retirement
Your why doesn’t need to be as bold as early retirement. Maybe your why is to enjoy your golden years in peace with a traditional retirement plan.
That’s valid.
Life Goals
When asking what’s your why, consider your biggest life goals. Do you want to heal the sick, travel the world, write a novel, become a CEO, make impactful policy change, or raise a family?
First, explore why that’s your life goal. Make sure it’s something you really want, not something your family or society told you that you wanted.
If it is, then make sure everything you do aligns with that goal. That’s your why.
Growth
Self-improvement is a valid why all on its own. You don’t need a bigger reason to learn new things, step out of your comfort zone, or improve your confidence.
Personal growth is your why.
Legacy
Do you aim to leave something behind for the next generation? Maybe your why is to make the world a better place, solve a major problem, or impact culture with a great work of art.
Your legacy doesn’t have to be tangible. Perhaps you want people to remember your kindness or your strength, so your “why” is to always reflect that behavior in all your actions.
Finding Your Why vs Finding Your Purpose
Who is Danny via Shutterstock.com.
A lot of life coaches conflate the question “what’s your why” with finding your purpose in life. Although they’re related, they aren’t always the same.
Although asking “what’s your why” can help you find meaning in your life, it’s a more general question. It can relate to small actions, like why are you saving 50% of your paycheck, and to the most profound questions of your life.
Finding your purpose is always an overachieving question about your ultimate goals in life. It’s not as general, and doesn’t relate to smaller actions.
So, although you can ask “what’s my why” when trying to find the meaning of life, the question “what’s your why” doesn’t always relate to your overall purpose.
Creating a “Why” Statement
Some find it helpful to craft a why statement, as a constant reminder of why they’re doing the things they’re doing.
Your personal why statement can relate to any of your big reasons, and should motivate you to carry on even when faced with seemingly insurmountable obstacles.
It can be something simple, like “I’m working 50 hours per week for my children’s future.” You can incorporate your life goals, like “I’m saving 25% of my paycheck and working two jobs so I can take a year off to travel the world.”
Your why statement can relate to a specific life goal, or your overall purpose in life: “I’m fighting for what’s right because I want to leave the world a better place.”
Find Your Why for a Happy Life
Asking what’s your why for all your autopilot activities will help you live more intentionally. You’ll stop doing things because you’re “supposed to” or because you’ve “always done them,” and start doing things because you want to do them.
Everything you do will lead you to your dream life, but that can only happen once you know your why.