When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags look like normal flags. It’s hard to take the love goggles off and view your relationship from an outside perspective.
We often fall into toxic, harmful relationships and don’t notice the unhealthy dynamic.
While scrolling through a popular internet community, I came across a thread asking users to share the blaring warnings that a relationship is toxic.
You may want to reconsider your relationship if any of these bright flags are waving.
It’s healthy to occasionally check in with your partner, especially if you’re staying somewhere late, traveling, or stopping to pick stuff up.
“My 57-year-old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife,” shared one user.
Asking for constant updates on whereabouts and activities is controlling and showcases a massive lack of trust in the relationship.
They Always Win
Relationships are about compromise. In a healthy dynamic, partners will listen to each other and give in a little on certain things to make each other happy.
Some relationships don’t work that way, and one partner will steamroll the other, constantly getting what they want despite any objections the other has.
A little jealousy is fine, we’re all human and we all have emotions. Acting out on jealousy by checking texts and balking any time your partner mentions the opposite sex is a problem.
Inability to Listen
Communication is challenging but vital in a relationship. We often forget that communication is about listening just as much as it’s about talking.
Some folks will pretend they want open communication, but they really want their partner to listen to everything they want and never raise any complaints. While stressing that they want communication, they’ll start a fight whenever you bring something up.
One user said it’s a red flag if “every time you bring anything up, they get mad and start an argument.”
Fighting Means Passion
Television gave us a highly unhealthy view of relationships. Even the iconic hero Buffy from the hit 90s series Buffy the Vampire Slayer equated love with fights and drama.
Although Buffy was trying to subvert the trope and showcase how messed up it is, it’s all too commonly portrayed as “true love” in mainstream media, and people internalize it.
Constantly Breaking Up
If a relationship is meant to be, you wouldn’t constantly break up and get back together. The inability to solve your problems without resorting to breaking up is a glaring red flag that something isn’t right in the relationship.
Why would you bad-mouth someone you profess to love to all your friends, family, and colleagues when they’re not around?
“’I’ve listened to so many people complain about their partners, and I just wonder: WHY are y’all together!? If I get a chance to talk about my bf, you can bet I’ll start dishing out everything I love about him,” said one user.
It can be hard to identify controlling behavior early in a relationship. It’s like a frog in boiling water, it gets slowly hotter, and you don’t realize you’re cooking until it’s too late.
A partner who questions your friends and hobbies and works to prevent you from having any type of life outside them is a huge red flag. You’ll eventually find yourself with no friends, no hobbies, and no life, which makes it even easier for them to control you.
Calling You Controlling Because They Wont Contribute
Responsibilities should come first. All too often, one partner ditches all their responsibilities and calls the other “controlling” when they’re expected to contribute to the household.
“A partner that complains you spend too much time playing video games when you are just dating and don’t even live together is probably being controlling. A partner that complains you spend too much time playing video games when you’ve got three kids together might actually be saying that they feel the labor distribution in your house is unfair,” clarified one user.
Inability To React
If you find yourselves walking on eggshells, unable to say anything or defend yourself against inappropriate behavior, you may be in a toxic relationship.
Some people treat their partners like objects. If they’re constantly checking out others, refuse to engage with you, or act like they’re entitled to your time and attention, you might be in a toxic relationship.
They say relationships should be 50/50, but sometimes one partner finds themselves giving 100% constantly while their partner only takes.
You might be in a relationship with a user if you bring the paycheck home while doing all the emotional, mental, and domestic labor. They don’t love you; they love that you take care of them.
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