When you’re wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags look like normal flags. It’s hard to take the love goggles off and view your relationship from an outside perspective.
These toxic relationships wave glaring red flags, but we can’t see them when we’re in the thick of it.
Toxic Relationship Signs
To help, we’ve compiled a list of the most glaring toxic relationship red flags to help you see the truth. Some came from the popular internet forum Reddit, while others came from our personal experiences or our experience as life coaches.
You may want to reconsider your relationship if any of these bright toxic relationship red flags are waving.
Obsessive Check-ins
It’s healthy to occasionally check in with your partner, especially if you’re staying somewhere late, traveling, or stopping to pick stuff up.
But it gets toxic when taken to the extreme.
When I was in college, I had a boyfriend who would call my dorm every 2-5 minutes while I was away, annoying my roommate and making me feel bad about even heading out to dinner. At the time, I was too young to see how ridiculous that behavior was.
Asking for constant updates on whereabouts and activities is controlling and showcases a massive lack of trust in the relationship.
They Always Win
Relationships are about compromise. In a healthy dynamic, partners will listen to each other and give in a little on certain things to make each other happy.
Some relationships don’t work that way, and one partner will steamroll the other, constantly getting what they want despite any objections the other has.
If you always seem to eat what they want to eat, watch the shows they want to watch, and go where they want to go, you’re relationship might be toxic.
Jealousy
A little jealousy is fine; we’re all human, and we all have emotions. Acting out on jealousy by checking texts and balking at any time your partner mentions the opposite sex is a problem.
You’re allowed to have friends and coworkers of the opposite gender. You’re allowed to interact with members of the opposite gender while out and about in public. Someone who throws a jealous fit when you’re just living life is problematic.
Inability to Listen
Communication is challenging but vital in a relationship. We often forget that communication is about listening just as much as it’s about talking.
In toxic relationships, one partner refuses to listen, while the other wonders how to get their message across. Communication won’t solve the problem if the other party doesn’t want to listen.
Argumentative
Some folks will pretend they want open communication, but they really want their partner to listen to everything they want and never raise any complaints. While stressing they want communication, they’ll start a fight whenever you bring something up.
It’s a sign of a toxic relationship when your partner gets mad every time you bring an issue to their attention.
Fighting Means Passion
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Television gave us a highly unhealthy view of relationships. Even the iconic hero Buffy from the hit ’90s series Buffy the Vampire Slayer equated love with fights and drama.
Although Buffy was trying to subvert the trope and showcase how messed up it is, it’s all too commonly portrayed as “true love” in mainstream media, and people internalize it.
Healthy relationships don’t need all the drama.
Constantly Breaking Up
If a relationship is meant to be, you wouldn’t constantly break up and get back together. The inability to solve your problems without resorting to breaking up is a glaring red flag that something isn’t right in the relationship.
Bad Mouthing
Why would you badmouth someone you profess to love to all your friends, family, and colleagues when they’re not around?
“’I’ve listened to so many people complain about their partners, and I just wonder: WHY are y’all together!? If I get a chance to talk about my bf, you can bet I’ll start dishing out everything I love about him,” said one user.
No Life
It can be hard to identify controlling behavior early in a relationship. It’s like a frog in boiling water; it gets slowly hotter, and you don’t realize you’re cooking until it’s too late.
A partner who questions your friends and hobbies and works to prevent you from having any type of life outside them is a huge red flag. You’ll eventually find yourself with no friends, no hobbies, and no life, which makes it even easier for them to control you.
Calling You Controlling Because They Won’t Contribute
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Responsibilities should come first. All too often, one partner ditches all their responsibilities and calls the other “controlling” when they’re expected to contribute to the household.
However, it’s crucial to examine the facts of a relationship before deciding.
“A partner that complains you spend too much time playing video games when you are just dating and don’t even live together is probably being controlling. A partner that complains you spend too much time playing video games when you’ve got three kids together might actually be saying that they feel the labor distribution in your house is unfair,” clarified one user.
It’s not “controlling” to want a partner to contribute equally to the household. It is controlling to not allow your partner to enjoy anything without you. The desire to control you is a toxic relationship sign, but so is the desire to make you do all the work around the house.
Inability To React
If you find yourselves walking on eggshells, unable to say anything or defend yourself against inappropriate behavior, you may be in a toxic relationship.
They’ve got you trained to keep your reactions to yourself so they don’t have to change.
Disrespectful
Some people treat their partners like objects. They paw at you when you’re not in the mood, they insist on intimacy despite how you feel about it, and they act entitled to your time, attention, and affection without giving anything in return.
These folks may also shamelessly flirt with others and treat you as replaceable. Why not replace them instead?
Unequal Effort
They say relationships should be 50/50, but sometimes one partner finds themselves giving 100% while their partner only takes.
You might be in a relationship with a user if you bring the paycheck home while doing all the emotional, mental, and domestic labor. They don’t love you; they love that you take care of them.
They’re Financially Abusive
Financial abuse is all too common, but often kept quiet because people don’t realize they’re being abused. Learn the signs of financial abuse. If any of them speak to you, you might be in a toxic relationship.
What Toxic Relationship Signs Did We Miss?
What do you think are the biggest toxic relationship signs? Share your thoughts in the comments to help others avoid heartache.