How To Be Yourself: 19 Ways to Discover & Embrace Your True Self

Society tries so hard to stamp away individualism and force us into neat little consumer boxes, but you don’t have to conform. 

Instead, buck the system by learning how to be yourself despite society’s desperate attempts to hold you back. 

How to Be Yourself

Learning how to be yourself takes heavy introspection, but it’s worth the hard work. You’ll get to live authentically according to your values, and there’s no better path to happiness than that. 

As a certified life coach, I help people discover their true selves and learn how to be themselves despite years of programming to fit in. 

Here’s how. 

Discover Who You Are

Society spent years molding you into what it wants you to be. Do you even know who you really are?

It’s time to find out. Examine what you really want out of life, and explore why you want it.

Make a list of life goals and decide why you want these things. For example, do you want to have kids because of parental or societal pressure, or do you truly wish to dedicate 20 years of your life to nurturing another human being? 

The process is long and challenging, but at the end, you’ll have a better idea of what you want for yourself, and you can start pursuing those things instead of the things society wants you to want. 

Identify the Propaganda

A crucial part of figuring out who you really are is identifying the messages that brainwashed you into thinking you’re something else. 

Propaganda surrounds us. We’re bombarded with messages telling us what an ideal life is, how we should live, and what we should want. When you start to see it, you’ll see how ubiquitous it is, but you’ll also learn to recognize the difference between social conditioning and what you truly want. 

Question “Normal”

A major goal of propaganda is to provide a baseline of “normal.” Television shows, movies, magazines, and even our friends and family, typically promote the same idea of “normal” ingrained in society. 

It’s normal to work yourself nearly to death your entire life for an off-chance of enjoying the last few years in retirement. It’s normal to sacrifice your career for your husband and kids. 

Profits over people, billionaires hoarding cash, for-profit healthcare, taking out massive debt, no time for vacation, hustle culture…normal, normal, normal, normal. 

Question it. You get to decide what’s “normal” for your life. 

Notice When You’re Performing

Many of us put on masks to survive society’s expectations. We do what we’re supposed to do with a smile, even though it’s quietly killing us. And we’re so used to it that we sometimes think the masked person is who we really are. 

It’s time to examine your behavior and identify when it’s just a performance. I’m not saying don’t do it – we all need to put our professional mask on to keep our jobs. But you need to learn the difference between your real self and your mask, both at work and in your personal life. 

Once you understand where you’re performing, you can decide whether it’s worth the effort or not. 

Let Go of Limiting Beliefs

An insidious way society prevents us from being ourselves is by teaching us that we can’t. The limiting beliefs we learn from childhood stop us from even trying. 

To learn how to be yourself, you must identify and then let go of these limiting beliefs. Discover the hidden thoughts that hold you back, and question them. 

Why can’t you do that thing? What’s realistically stopping you? How can you overcome it?

Once you realize that the limiting beliefs aren’t real, a world of possibilities opens. 

Embrace Honesty

Honesty is a virtue. Embrace it, both with others and with yourself. 

Speak your truth. Stop hiding for fear of “rocking the boat,” or “causing a scene.” 

Every time you lie to yourself and others about what you really think, you’re making yourself smaller to make space for them, thus rejecting your true self. 

I know, it’s tough. Some people won’t like this new version of you that doesn’t put them first. If you’re being really honest with yourself, you’ll see that you don’t need people in your life who only like you when you make yourself small. 

Lean Into Your Values

Learning how to be yourself involves living authentically according to your values. 

The first step is to identify your core values so you know how you want to live. Sometimes, this takes a lot of introspection, because we’re instilled with values that might not truly match who we are from childhood. 

But once you do the hard work of identifying what you truly stand for, live by them. You will gain self-respect (and respect from others) by standing by what you believe in. 

Be Open to Change

Stagnant people build walls around themselves, fortifying themselves against any change in perspective. Is that being themselves, or is that refusing to grow?

To reach your full potential, you must learn and grow. Part of that is challenging deeply held beliefs, part is being open to new ideas, and part is purposefully learning new skills. 

You can’t be your authentic self if you lock yourself into the person someone else created. 

Spend Time With Yourself

To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself. Take yourself on solo dates, spend time with your favorite hobbies, and embrace self-care. Go on a solo adventure.  

There’s a reason why so many women take trips to find themselves. It works. Being alone with yourself forces you to get to know the real you without anyone else’s noise. 

Reject “Likability” 

Here’s a confession: I have a desperate need to make other people like me. As a result, I’ve often twisted myself into something unrecognizable and so not me, and I was often unhappy. 

But then I realize, not everyone has to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay. 

I stopped trying so hard to be “likable” and started being me. The world kept turning. I made better friends who actually liked me for who I was, not some convoluted thing I was trying to be to gain acceptance. 

Rejecting likability even enhanced my relationships, as I married a man who values who I am rather than what I can do for him. 

Ignore the Haters

There will always be naysayers. Some people will “tsk tsk” you for daring to do something they can’t imagine. Others will hate you for going against the status quo. 

Ignore them. 

Chances are, the people who hate you for being yourself don’t really matter. Who cares if your nosey neighbor scoffs at your artwork? Why do you need to impress Jim down the street?

Stop caring about what people who don’t matter think. It’s your life, not theirs, so you should live it the way you want. 

Get Silly

Sometimes, we get so caught up in what people will think if they see us that we forget to enjoy our lives. Stop caring what people think and do what makes you happy. 

If that means you want to do cartwheels in an empty field, go for it. If you want to sing along to the song that’s playing at the grocery store, have at it. 

One or two people might judge you for it, but you’ll never see most of them again anyway, so why does it matter? And many will appreciate your spirit. 

You will be much happier once you start doing what you want and stop caring about what others around you might think about you.

It’s freeing. 

Trust Your Instincts

Part of you always knows when you aren’t being authentic. It’s a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, or a nagging thought that just won’t stop. 

Why are you ignoring the messages your subconscious is clearly trying to send?

Instead, examine these feelings. Let them guide you. Your subconscious may know how to be yourself better than your conscious mind. 

Accept Your Flaws

A major part of being yourself is accepting yourself, warts and all. 

You are a human being. You’re allowed to make mistakes. We all do. 

Avoid the temptation to be perfect. Accept that you’re a flawed person (because we all are!). 

That doesn’t mean you should just shrug and say “that’s how I am” when you mess up, but it does mean you should forgive yourself and allow yourself the grace to learn from your mistakes. 

Stop Outsourcing Your Self-Worth

Humans are social creatures who crave validation. And of course, there’s a time and place for that. Belonging and Esteem are both so vital to happiness that they’re on Maslow’s pyramid. 

But that doesn’t mean you should outsource your entire self-worth. You can’t let other people’s opinions prevent you from living your authentic life. 

Of course, you can listen to feedback and should remain open to valid criticism. However, most of your self-worth should come from within. When you believe in yourself, validation becomes a bonus, not a necessity, and you can be yourself without it. 

Explore Things

A crucial step in learning how to be yourself is exploring the world to determine what you actually like. 

A scene in the movie Runaway Bride perfectly encapsulates this idea. Maggie (played by Julia Roberts) morphs herself to match whatever her fiancé likes. She molds herself to fit him so much that she doesn’t even know what kind of eggs she likes – she always just says whatever he likes. 

In a pivotal scene, she cooks all sorts of different eggs, tasting each to finally figure out what she actually likes best. 

You need to do the same. Try different hobbies and restaurants, hang out with different people read a variety of books. 

Discover what you love. 

Create an Out

Being yourself presents a challenge when society desperately wants you to do something else. We can’t fully embrace our true selves when we have to live by society’s rules to survive. 

But we can work smarter by creating an escape for ourselves. 

Artists can work on their craft in their spare time and create Etsy stores to sell their work. Graphic designers can open shops on print-on-demand platforms. Writers can blog. 

There are many small ways to start building your own business so you can stop working for someone else. The building phase may take a few years of hustling, but it’s not impossible.

If you remain dedicated, you’ll eventually build something you can support yourself with that lets you be yourself all the time. 

Allow Yourself To Be Yourself Where You Can

Opting out isn’t realistic for everyone, but you can embrace your authentic self while playing by society’s rules. 

Start with the small things.

Jam your music on your way to work. Bring photos and plants into your workspace to make it your own. Engage in your hobbies, even if they’re outside the mainstream. Use online resources to find like-minded individuals with whom to build a community. 

Let yourself have fun. 

When you start enjoying yourself, people will notice. They’ll be drawn to your energy and charisma. Most of them will respect you for doing your own thing. 

Be the Change You Want to See

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could be themselves? Why does society force us into these boxes?

The harsh truth is that we are society. It’s not an ethereal thing; it’s just people who all play along because that’s what they learned. 

But there’s good news. If society is just people, then people can change society. 

You can start by living authentically in all you do, and encouraging others to do the same. 

Don’t Be a Jerk

Being yourself is crucial to a happy life; unless “yourself” is a jerk. 

Far too many people use “being myself” as an excuse to treat others poorly or ditch their responsibilities. 

You’re not “just being honest,” you’re purposefully being mean. You’re not “finding yourself,” you’re abdicating your responsibilities.  

The true purpose of learning how to be yourself is to live authentically according to your values, not to live hedonistically without regard for others. 

If your “true self” is a selfish jerk, you might want to do some shadow work and make changes. 

Are You Ready to Be Yourself?

Don’t let society keep you from being true to yourself. 

Let go of your fear and show the world who you really are. You deserve the chance to be authentically you.