“Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”
The famous quote by philosopher Lao-Tze highlights how our thoughts drive our behavior and thus our destiny, but what drives our thoughts?
We need to add a line to the beginning of his famous words:
“Watch your values, for they become your thoughts.”
Our core values drive everything we think, say, do, and become.
What are Core Values?
Core values are deeply held beliefs that guide our behavior. They dictate how we think and act, shaping our responses to the world around us.
Our core values reflect our inner selves, our sense of right and wrong, and our ideas about who we truly are.
How Do You Determine Your Values?
Far too many people float through life, never even considering what they value. But that’s a mistake. Our core values influence our behavior, whether we’re aware of them or not.
To find happiness, you must identify your value system and live your life true to what you believe.
These tools will help you uncover the ideas you value most.
- Shadow Work
- Meditation
- Journaling
- Speaking with Someone
- Critical Thinking
- Spiritualty
Shadow Work
Shadow work forces us to contend with the worst aspects of ourselves. We all have flaws; deep secret thoughts we hate ourselves for thinking that we bury deep within our subconscious minds to avoid.
To find what you value, you need to explore the aspects of yourself you keep hidden. Explore your selfishness, your pride, or your greed. You may find that you’re hiding from those human failings because you value selflessness, humility, and generosity.
It’s challenging work, but worth it to face your own demons and live in accordance with your values.
Meditation
Meditation allows us to get to know ourselves. As we sit quietly with our thoughts and clear our minds of everyone else’s noise, we can consider what we truly value.
Try meditating for ten minutes a day. Use the time to deep dive into why you think the way you do and how your thought patterns reflect your values.
Journaling
Krakenimages.com via Shutterstock.com.
If reflecting on your values through meditation seems intimidating, consider writing it all in a journal instead.
The bonus of using a journal for this work is that you can go back to your past entries and see how far you’ve come.
Speaking with Someone
When you can’t decide upon your values on your own, a professional can help. Life coaches, therapists, and even religious leaders all make great ears to help you determine what you care most about.
These professionals are all trained (in different ways) to help people determine their goals, strengths, and values.
Spiritualty
Many people look to their faith for inspiration in finding their values. Religious institutions throughout history attempted to instill a set of values in their followers.
If you’re a spiritual person seeking values, look to your religion for guidance.
Critical Thinking
The simplest (but not easiest!) way to determine your values is to think critically about your thoughts.
The next time you have a weird thought, stop yourself and ask where it came from. Determine why you thought it, how that thought might impact your behavior, and whether that’s how you want to live your life.
Challenging your own thoughts through critical thinking takes a lot of work – you need to catch the thoughts reflecting your values as you have them, then take time to examine them and decide if that’s who you want to be.
When Your Actions Don’t Match Your Values
I lied above.
Our values don’t always become our thoughts, our actions, and our lives.
Sometimes people live lives completely antithetical to their stated core values. You’ll find religious people praising Jesus on Sunday while hating their neighbors the rest of the week, cowards who value bravery, and liars who value integrity.
Most of the time, it’s not a blatant departure, but a human weakness that causes us to stray from our values.
Here’s how to return to your values if you feel you’ve gone astray.
Pause Before Acting
Our values go out the window when we act impulsively. Instead of letting your emotions guide your response, pause and reflect. Does the action you’re about to take match your values?
If not, think about what you could do instead.
In life, there are rare few times when you need to speak and act immediately. The rest of the time, it’s okay to pause for a moment to decide your course of action.
Decide How To Live Your Values
Society makes living by your values far harder than it has to be. You may not want to work for a massive corporation that doesn’t care about people, but it’s the only job in town, and you need to live.
What choice do you have?
It’s okay to make choices that don’t reflect your values if it’s the best option available. We need to allow ourselves some leeway to survive.
However, even if you must make some choices that go against your values, you can make other choices that align with them. Take some of the money you earn at the soul sucking corporation and give it to charity. Treat everyone with kindness, despite how they treat you.
Do your best to live by your values, but understand that it’s not always possible.
Become Comfortable with Failure
We value certain behaviors not because they’re easy, but because they’re hard. Sometimes we will fail to live by our core values in even the best of circumstances – that’s not failure, that’s life.
We’re human, we’re fallible. Sometimes we’ll eat the entire bag of chips despite trying to lose weight, and other times we’ll blow money meant for charity on a new video game.
Give yourself grace when you mess up.
Top 10 Core Values Everyone Should Embrace
We all value different things, so core values are extremely personal.
However, I believe the world would be a better place if everyone embraced these values:
- Empathy
- Integrity
- Respect
- Gratitude
- Responsibility
- Growth
- Curiosity
- Fairness
- Authenticity
- Kindness
Empathy
Empathy helps us care about other people. If you value empathy, you will always consider how your actions impact others.
Integrity
Integrity is doing the right thing, regardless of whether anyone else notices. When you value integrity, you will always make the right choice, even if the wrong choice is easier.
Respect
Respect, as a core value, means treating people with dignity. We must treat others as human beings.
However, respect for yourself is just as vital, and should also be a core value. Don’t allow people to treat you poorly.
Gratitude
When we value gratitude, we appreciate all the bounty we have. Gratitude keeps greed at bay, as we realize we have enough for ourselves.
Responsibility
In a society, we all must work together to achieve common goals, just as individuals work to achieve their personal goals.
Those who value responsibility take accountability for their mistakes and take charge of their lives. They do their duty to get the job done.
Growth
Personal growth rarely makes lists of values, but it’s vital. Growth brings change.
People who value growth open their minds to new ideas and their lives to new possibilities. It prevents stagnation and drives society forward.
Curiosity
You must be open to learning before you can grow. When you value curiosity, you allow your mind to seek answers in new and unexpected places. You listen to others as they share their viewpoints without judgment, and allow yourself to see the world from fresh perspectives.
Fairness
Fairness is one of my top personal values, and I believe the world would be so much better if we all embraced it.
Fairness provides everyone equal opportunity, ensures we can all live the life we want, and prevents those in power from gaining an advantage.
Authenticity
Live life on your terms without worrying about anyone else. That type of authenticity is crucial for happiness, yet far too many people follow the crowd.
We should all embrace our inner weirdness, quirks and all, to live life the way we see fit.
Kindness
Above all else, be kind. Hold your tongue when sharp words fight to escape. Help strangers. Spread kindness in word and action.
If we all took a step back from ourselves and made more of an effort to be kind, the world would be a much better place.
Share Your Core Values
Which core values are most important to you? Which do you think society as a whole should embrace? Share your thoughts in the comments!