All life is a stage, and we are but the players. The good news is that if you aren’t happy with your current stage, you can change it.
Life consists of stages, and although we don’t have full control over where we are at each point, we have far more than we believe.
Learn how to use life stages to your advantage to grow into the person you want to be.
What is a Life Stage?
Life stages are defined portions of your life. For example, we can consider middle school, high school, and college as different stages.
However, it’s not always that simple. Different people have different definitions of life stages, and they’re all correct depending on your perspective.
Biological Life Stages
Scientists think of life stages in biological terms. Consider an insect – it’s an egg which hatches into a nymph, then transforms into an adult.
Humans have similar biological stages. We go from babies to toddlers to children. Then we enter adolescence, become young adults, reach middle age, and grow old.
Though experts may debate the exact start and end points of these biological phases of life, they’re mostly static. It’s the definition of life stages that we have very little control over.
Cultural Life Stages
Cultural life stages depend upon the values and mores of a society. In America, we define adulthood at 18 but limit alcohol consumption to those who are over 21. Other societies set different standards for adulthood and alcohol consumption.
Most cultural life stages don’t have an age requirement. Massive life events like college, marriage, home ownership, and parenthood could all be considered different stages in your life.
These cultural milestones may be celebrated by society, but we have a lot more control over when (or whether) we enter them.
Life Stages vs Life Phases
In a biological sense, you can use the terms “life stage” and “life phase” interchangeably. But culturally, there are nuanced differences.
Most people wouldn’t describe parenthood or marriage as a “phase” (unless the marriage soured), while they may use the word to describe a cringeworthy era of their life.
Personal Life Stages
Personal life stages are less defined than the biological and cultural ones. There’s a defined point when a baby becomes a toddler, and we all understand big-picture events like marriage to be a set stage.
But at the personal level, there’s no standard, which means the door is open to define life stages and flow through them as you see fit.
Some folks may have a travel phase, spending two years exploring the world, while others may focus on a specific area of self-improvement outside of traditional education for a period. These personal phases speak to each individual’s specific life goals.
How Life Stages Impact Happiness
Cultural life stages have a massive impact on our happiness. Far too many people think they must achieve specific life events in a specific timeframe to have a happy life.
These deadlines seem like smart goals set by ambitious self-starters who know what they want, but they can be far more limiting than you think.
People who think they must be married by 25 and have kids by 28 might rush into a relationship that isn’t right for them. They may not fully consider the ramifications of marriage or parenthood, as they’re so focused on achieving what they’re “supposed to achieve” rather than thinking about what they really want. They get married and have kids, then wonder why they aren’t happy.
The same holds true for many of our cultural goal posts. Society tells us that we need it to level up in life, so we rarely stop to think about whether we want it or not.
How to Escape the Life Stage Trap
Happiness doesn’t come from meeting society’s expectations, it comes from meeting your own. To escape the trap set by cultural life stages, you must learn to recognize it. Once you do, you can set your own phases.
Here’s how.
Consider What You Really Want
fizkes via Shutterstock.com.
The first step requires self-reflection. It’s time to stop working towards the goals everyone expects you to want and take time to determine what you really want.
If it turns out you truly desire the cultural life goals, that’s fine! Go for them!
But many people don’t. Not every path is meant for every soul. Some seek college halls, questing for knowledge, others crave wedding bells and long for the pitter-patter of tiny feet. Some want both, others desire neither.
Society works overtime to convince you to want all the expected cultural life phases – but do you really?
Take time to think about it. You may be surprised by your answer.
Stop Caring about What Others Think
It so happens that many of us know what we want, yet refuse to chase our dreams because of the heartache it would cause.
Our parents so wish for us to become doctors or lawyers, we can’t disappoint them by pursuing art.
It’s not just our parents. Our friends, teachers, counselors, and extended family all say the same. Even the media highlights the virtues of following society’s path. If we dare do something different, we risk becoming pariahs.
Humans are social creatures, and following the crowd is compelling. But forging your own path, as scary as it seems, may be better in the long run.
It’s time to ignore the naysayers and everyone who tells you that you can’t be different. It’s your life, you get to choose who you live it.
Define Your Own Life Stages
Now that you’ve decided what you truly want, it’s time to define your own life stages. Make a life plan that speaks to you.
Stop worrying about having kids by 29 and buying a house by 35. Instead, craft a plan that lets you follow your dreams.
You might lean into Passion FIRE, with your first phase focused on building your nest egg. You may balk at traditional living and spend your first phase traveling.
The beauty of these personal life stages is that they don’t need definitions or rules. They can be as long or as short as you wish, and you can dabble in as many different stages as you’d like. You can change your plan whenever it no longer serves you.
When You’re Stuck in a Life Stage You Don’t Enjoy
A lot of us drank the Kool-Aid and bought into society’s life stages. We ended up trapped in jobs we don’t like to pay the mortgage on a house we don’t need that stores the stuff we never use.
You may feel trapped with bills and obligations, with no hope for a happier life.
How do you escape?
Take Stock
First, take stock of your current situation. What don’t you enjoy? Why don’t you enjoy it?
The hardest part is realizing you made a massive mistake that impacts others, like if you decided to have kids, then realized you hate parenthood, or got married and realized you would rather be single.
Taking stock is crucial because you may realize it’s not parenthood or marriage you hate (or whatever other phase you feel trapped in), but a specific aspect of it that makes life harder. Things may be hard because you’re the primary parent and have no time for yourself. If you work with your partner to split the load more fairly, you may realize you actually love this phase.
Identifying the causes for your discontent is vital for addressing them and helping you enter a phase of life you’ll love.
Consider What You Want
After you fully understand what’s wrong in your situation, you can determine what you’d prefer to have.
In a perfect world, what would make you happy? What part of parenthood, marriage, homeownership, or work would you keep, and what parts would you drop?
Be realistic in this step. You can’t leave your kids or walk away from your life. I know we daydream about it sometimes, but it’s not feasible, and not fair to the people who rely upon you.
Develop an Action Plan
Now, you need to develop an action plan for getting from where you are to where you want to be.
If you really hate being a parent, get sterilized so you never have to worry about it again. If you hate owning a home, decide where you’d rather live and explore selling.
Create a one-year and five-year action plan that showcases exactly how you will exit your current life stage and embark upon a new one. It should include any financial implications (like funding your next phase, paying off your current phase), personal obligations (children, bills, parents), life goals (how to start pursuing what you want), and any other action items that apply to your life.
Find Joy Where You Are
Implementing your action plan could take anywhere from 5-20 years, depending on what you dislike about your current situation.
That’s okay.
I’d rather spend 20 years working towards something wonderful than 40 in misery, wouldn’t you?
But those 20 years don’t have to be miserable. There are plenty of ways to implement the things you want right now, no matter what your current life stage or its limitations.
Take a class at a community college. Engage more with your friends. Start a hobby. Take weekend trips away. There’s plenty you can do to enjoy more of your life right now, so you don’t feel so trapped.
This Too, Shall Pass
Sometimes the best thing about a life stage is that it passes. Despite our best efforts, every single one of us will experience difficult times. Our parents will pass. We’ll lose a job. Things won’t turn out like we planned.
We’ll pass through stages of intense grief, debilitating uncertainty, and suffocating fear. These challenging chapters won’t last forever, and we’ll come out the other side stronger than ever with a greater appreciation for life’s joys.
Appreciate the Phase You’re In
The fact that stages pass is also a cause for sorrow. Sometimes they’re gone, and we’ll never be able to recapture them.
Parents, especially, feel the bittersweet movement of phases. As they watch their children grow, they know all too well the baby stage, and then the toddler stage is gone forever. Although each new milestone brings fantastic joy, there’s also grief knowing the previous phase is gone for good.
Try to enjoy the phase you’re in, even if there are aspects you don’t like. You may miss it when it’s gone forever.
Make Your Life Stages Work for You
Embrace the fluid nature of cultural and personal life stages to design a life you love. Bask in the stage you’re in while devising your future plans. Allow yourself to dabble in different phases to find what you love most.